I would like to meet a man version of myself... meet him and love him for all eternity...

So broken yet complete enough to try once more. So shattered but willing to give another chance. So heartbroken she will give all what is remaining of her for a love she hopes will stay with her forever...

My future is going to be about looking back at our past, remembering the most beautiful story that ever happened to me... a fairy tale without a happy ending...

This is now my world... it is flooded with tears, my walls are my hurts and pains, i am sitting on loneliness and sadness... outside i have gardens of our memories... all the good, all the bad, and all the in betweens. My doors and windows are the huge voids and emptiness in me.

The horizon is dark, always gloomy.

The butterflies that i love so much, they flew away to a lovelier garden. My rainbow's end which i always have my pail of happiness has lost its colors and the pail is empty, i have used up all my happiness.

There is no sense of time here, it is always sorrowful o'clock. Day and night do not exist here as i am always wide awake torturing myself with images of you caring for her.

No music as well, the only sound are my silent cries, whimpers, and sobs.

Sometimes i dance to the sound of my heart tearing in to pieces.

There is no tomorrow, it is only a repeat cycle of today. Forever exists in here though... every single moment of desperation feels like eternity.

Who would want to live in this world? Only me because i often go to my garden where i have our memories planted and i let myself dwell in a deeper sense of loneliness but with a little shade of happiness because sometimes, i still find you there...

Like a pendulum, my thoughts and feelings are going back and forth...one moment I am happy and then another swing, I am sad and afraid... Fear of losing you will always be with me until that moment when I belong to you and until then I will always love you like it's my first time, I will love you like it's my last time, I will love you like it is my one and only, I will love you like there is no tomorrow, I will love you like I have never felt before but in all of them, scared like I have never been...

How do you spell "HEAVEN"? Is it "H-E-A-V-E-N"? I would spell it with your name, and that is heaven, you are my heaven, and I am happiest with you...I love these feelings that are enveloping me right now...I am thanking the heavens, the universe, and God for blessing me with you and your love...thank you for tonight and every smiles and laughters...every moment you are making me the happiest woman ever...ever...ever...I love you! Tá mé I ngrá leat, mo ghrá!

If you would ask me to describe colors...i would say black is dark, it's nothingness, chaos.  White is pure and silent and peace.  Red is blood, intense, love.  Orange is dawn, calm.  Green, it is the color of my mind and my thoughts sometimes.  Blue is what i am feeling when i am missing you, when i am lonely without you.  Yellow is when i am jealous every time i think someone could snatch you away from me or flirting with you.  Pink is the color of my love for you...it was red in pure form...intense mixed with white then it calms the raging madness inside me somehow...

I love you so much in a way that you may not understand...perhaps more than you could accept.  In a world where there is so much to learn and things that are beyond the grasps of our knowledge...my feelings  might fall on those things...they are so deep, it is hard to explain.

My heart will always scream its silent cries for the overflowing hunger and need that no one else can fill but you.  No one else can tame these wild emotions but you...your love, it's all i would ever need and then i am always complete.  I love you always beyond words could ever describe, pardon this heart, i am helplessly in love with you.  I love you so much David!