Sorry to hear about your misadventure Jen
Some people just don't get it, men AND women.

Who said anything about the borders being shut? We have immigration laws
and plenty of people come to this country and become citizens LEGALLY!
You're the one missing the point of the article since it means ILLEGALS,
those who "break in" illegally and then expect the same rights as those
who follow the rules. As for the language thing, my ancestors and others
who came here before LEGALLY learned the prevailing language and adopted
this country as it adopted them. The article is complaining about the
illegals (and there are others besides Mexicans) coming here and
demanding that the environment (meaning this country) adapt to them and
not them adapting to the environment. The fact is they've broken the law
just by being here (breaking into the house) and now they expect all the
rights of the homeowners, the citizens who followed the rules to become
so or who's ancestors did but they only want the rules that suit them to
apply.

So what you're saying is your citizenship is meaningless, you were born
here "by the luck of the draw" and we should just totally open the
borders, let anyone who wants to come in do so?

A lady wrote the best letter in the editorials in ages!!! It explains
things better than all the baloney you hear on TV.

Her point:
Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country
protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of
illegal immigration.

Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders,
might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay
indefinitely.

Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.

Let's say I break into your house. Let's say that when you discover me
in your house, you insist that I leave.

But I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the
laundry and swept the floors. I've done all the things you don't like to
do. I'm hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your
house).

According to the protesters:

You are Required to let me stay in your house.

You are Required to add me to your family's insurance
plan.

You are Required to Educate my kids.

You are Required to Provide other benefits to me and to my family (my
husband will do all of your yard work because he is also hard-working
and honest, except for that breaking in part).

If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends
who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my RIGHT to be
there. It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I
do, and I'm just trying to better myself.

I'm a hard-working and honest, person, except for well, you know, I did
break into your house.

And what a deal it is for me!

I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my
keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of
cold, uncaring, selfish, prejudiced, and bigoted behavior.

Oh yeah, I DEMAND that you learn MY LANGUAGE so you can communicate with
me.

Why can't people see how ridiculous this is?! Only in America.....if you
agree, pass it on (in English). Share it if you see the value of it.

If not blow it off.........along with your future Social Security funds,
and a lot of other things.

H
APPY

BIRTHDAY
STG !!!!

POSITION: Mother

JOB DESCRIPTION: Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent
work in an often-chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent
communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable
hours, which will include evenings, weekends and frequent 24-hour shifts
on call.

Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping
sites on rainy weekends, away sports matches and occasional visits to
the ER. Travel expenses are not reimbursed.

RESPONSIBILITIES: Must provide on-site training in basic life skills,
such as nose-blowing and shoe-tying.

Must have strong skills in negotiating, conflict resolution and crisis
management. Ability to treat flesh wounds a plus.

Must be able to think outside of the box, but not lose track of the box,
because most likely you will need the box for a school project.

Must reconcile petty cash disbursements and be proficient in managing
budgets and resources fairly.

Must be able to drive motor vehicles safely under loud and adverse
conditions while simultaneously practicing above-mentioned skills in
conflict resolution.

Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from
zero to 60 mph in three seconds.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of
all ages and mental outlooks.

Must have diverse general knowledge so as to answer questions such as
"what makes the wind move" spontaneously.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work
throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your jobs are
to remain in the same position for years, without complaining. You must
constantly retrain and update your skills, so that those in your charge
can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required. On-the-job training offered on a
continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them, offering frequent raises and
bonuses.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, this
job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs
for life.


Take a special moment this Sunday to recognize the hard-working Mom in
your life!

I walked into a Blimbie's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a
sandwich.
I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that
said "buy one-get one free". "They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she
said, "so I guess they're both free".
She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door. They walk
among us and many work retail.
===================
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them
shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and
said, "Where?"
====================
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which
direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking
him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for
sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that
stuff."
====================
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I
got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was
open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days
a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end
the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
====================
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a
seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
====================
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier
multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
====================
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the
lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed
up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained
professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your
plane arrived yet?"
====================
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza
to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like
it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before
responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough
to eat 6 pieces."
====================
Yep,they walk among us, AND they reproduce!

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

What's the difference between a new wife and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

Why don't liberals make noise when they have sex?
Because they have no balls and their mouths are full.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

AND....LAST BUT NOT LEAST
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale
begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****!

"Things to do with your money.....or just send it to Scott"

With Mom's day a couple of days away thought it belongs here more.

Happy Mother's Day! Smile, this is cute.

Mother's Day Story

So, we had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died.
Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him
and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long
on this mat in our bathroom.

Well, we have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years
old, 3 years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really
loves chapstick.

LOVES it. He kept asking to use my chapstick and then losing it. So
finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my chapstick
and how he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it
right back in the drawer when he was done.

Last year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around and
try to get ready for Church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two
boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse
my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is
a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to
honor me
and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I am
looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round the
corner to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was applying my
chapstick very carefully to Jack's rear end. Eli looked right into my
eyes and said "chapped."

Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right--their little butts do
look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to mind.

And the only question to really ask at that point was whether it was the
FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth.

And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds us
that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little
creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they've been
using your chapstick on the cat's butt.

My hairline started receding when I was in high school, finally embraced
the innevitable LOL
Now I'd love to be able to afford to have lazer done to get rid of the
little I do have. Shaving it sometimes twice a day is a real hassle!

Nov 15th so I'm a Chestnut
Chestnut Tree (Honesty) -- of unusual stature, impressive,
well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born
diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard
worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercely
family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.
Well I'm only 5'9" and my body is falling apart so other than that I
guess it's pretty close.
But wait?!? I'm from Ohio and a Buckeye (yeah just another nut) but
heck, it didn't even make the list !!

1. Blaming your farts on me.. not funny.. not funny at all !!!

2 Yelling at me for barking.. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out.

Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew
your stuff up when you're not home.




6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo
Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I
freak out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I
haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9.Dog sweaters Hello ???, Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the
truth, you're just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these thing's,
We both know who's boss here!!!
You don't see me picking up your poop do you ???

Anyone have extra stress that they need to release? This will do
it........

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management
technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The
funny thing is that it really does work. Think about each step below.
The entire process can be successfully accomplished in less than one
minute.


1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out
over a crystal clear stream.


2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running
water.


3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.


4. No one knows your secret place.


5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.


6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade
of serenity.


7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face
of the person you are holding underwater.





See? It really does work. You're smiling already!! Or is that really
just a good laugh............at yourself?

Come back and visit often.

I know his oldest brother was in WWII in both the Pacific and European
theaters as a Marine but Dad never saw combat, he was on the tarmac
getting ready to ship to Korea when that "Police Action" was ended.

Hiya Beth and everyone else!
I'm Don but ya'll can call me Falcon too LOL

I forget what "division?" but he was based in Ft Campbell

My Dad was Airborne, always wanted to jump with him or at least while he
was still alive but it's too late for that now. Something more important
to do with the money always seemed to come up. Someday soon though!
Maybe for my 50th BDay ? That's a couple years off so I could start
saving again now LOL

I found this TOTALLY amazing !

http://www.paradrenalin.com/sharedfiles/TheBigKite.wmv

yes, have been