A man walks into a whore house and tells the madam " I want the best woman you got."
So the madam hollers up the stairs "James! Grease up Chandra!" turns to the man and says "Chandra is $500 an hour."
"$500 an hour?" exclaims the man "Don't you have anything a little less expensive?"
The madam again hollers up the stairs "James! Grease up Tabetha!" turns to the man and says "Tabetha is $250 an hour."
"$250 an hour?" gasps the man "Don't you have anything a little less expensive?"
So, the madam hollers up the stairs "James! Grease up Sandy!" turns to the man and says "Sandy is $100 an hour."
"$100 an hour?" says the man "Don't you have anything just a little less expensive?"
So the madam looks at the man and says "Just how much DID you want to spend?"
"Twenty Dollars"
So the madam once again hollers up the stairs "James! Grease up!"

Don't forget the most important moral to that story:

If you're warm and happy in a pile of crap then keep your mouth shut!

yo momma so fat she has to keep Euro's in one pocket and Peso's in the other!

Hookt awn fonix werkt fer mae!

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a bucket of $h|t?

The bucket

A man was in a long line at Wal-Mart.
As he got to the register he realized
he had forgotten to get condoms, so
he asked the checkout girl if she could
have some brought up to the register.

She asked, 'What size condoms?'

The customer replied that he didn't
know. She asked him to drop his pants.
He did.

She reached over the counter, grabbed
hold of him and called over the intercom,
'One box of large condoms, Register 5.'

The next man in line thought this was
interesting, and like most of us, was up
for a cheap thrill.

When he got up to the register, he
told the checker that he too had
forgotten to get condoms, and asked
if she could have some brought to the
register for him.

She asked him what size, and he stated
that he didn't know. She asked him to
drop his pants. He did.

She gave him a quick feel, picked up
the intercom and said, 'One box of
medium-sized condoms, Register 5.'

A few customers back was this teenage
boy. He thought what he had seen was
way too cool. He had never had any type
of sexual contact with a live female, so
he thought this was his chance.

When he got to the register he told the
checker he needed some condoms.

She asked him what size and he said
he didn't know.? She asked him to drop
his pants and he did. She reached over
the counter, gave him a quick squeeze,
then picked up the intercom and said...

(you'll love this one...................)


'Cleanup, Register 5'

ever notice that 'Therapist' is easily separated into "The Rapist?"

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked OK for a 57-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she Probably had a hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and a had a bit of a snuggle, and she asked if I'd ever Had a Sportsman's Double.
"What's that?" I asked
"It's a mother and daughter threesome," she said.
I said, "No" - excitedly.
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was "my lucky night".
I went back to her place.
She turned on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
"Mom, you still awake?"

Want to lose 14 pounds of **ugly** fat?

Cut off your head!

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits.

it damn sure wasn't my phone.

My woman started spending money like that and I kicked her arse to the curb!

This must have been before Bob discovered Enzite. He smiles all the time now.

WOMAN'S LOVE POEM


Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long. One
who thinks before he speaks. One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray
he's gainfully employed. When I spend cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out
my chair and opens my door. Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh!
Send me a man who'll make love to my mind. Knows what to answer to 'how
big is my behind?' I pray that this man will love me to no end, And
always be my very best friend.


-------------------------------------------------------------------


MAN'S LOVE POEM


I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a bar
on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and hunting. This doesn't
rhyme and I don't give a sh!t.

Hee Haw salutes my home town, Hot Springs, Ar, Population 36,228



SALUTE!

I'm from Hot Springs, but I live in Kansas City, MO now. And you're right. Typing "ya'll" drives me nuts
it's "Y'ALL" people!

LOL

Jack should have learned the difference between pepper spray and cologne by now.

A sparrow decided that he would not fly south for the winter.

After a while, all the other birds left and he was all alone. It started to get cold so he decided that maybe he should fly south after all.

So he flew on his way but it was so cold that his wings quickly iced up and he fell to the ground.

He thought he would certainly die soon when a cow wandered by and dropped a load of manure on the little sparrow.

He quickly warmed up in the fresh manure and he peaked his little head out and started to sing.

A cat heard the sparrow singing and came to investigate. He quickly dug the sparrow out of the manure and ate him.

This story has 3 important morals:
1. Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Everyone who digs you out of your trouble is not necessarily your friend.
3. If you're warm and happy in a pile of sh!t the keep your mouth shut!

You can re-use condoms, you know.

You just turn them inside out and shake the fu¢k out of them!

A blonde wants to prove to her husband just how smart she really is. So she waits until he is going to be gone on a business trip for a couple days.

She looks around the house and thinks about what she can do. She decides that the kitchen table is just too long and with just her and her husband there and no kids it really isn't necessary to be that long anyhow.

She goes out to the garage and finds all the wood working tools. She carefully cuts about 1 foot off of each end of the table. Chooses a router bit that matches the existing groves and gets the edges to match perfectly. She then sands the whole table and re-finishes it and it looks just like it did before except 2' shorter.

Her husband arrives home and she asks him if he notices anything different. Agitated when he doesn't notice, she points him in the direction of the kitchen table. After still not noticing she spills the beans about all the nice handy work she had done and how much easier it was going to be with a shorter table.

To which her husband replied, "Why didn't you just take the leaf out?"

you are correct in asserting that what they say is factually true, but the fact remains that it is water and the site is a hoax perpetrated to show exactly what you described about how the media manipulates factual information.

My dad told me something a long time ago that rings true:

"Don't believe anything you read or hear, and only half of what you personally witness."