VI

Sick of this blind confusion
My fingers ache for something more

How much longer will I have to scream
To convince her of what she knows already?
I cannot give her up anymore
Lying down, hoping to be trampled on—
How could I be such a fool to think
She might share a love with me?
yet I cannot be rid of my hope
I just want to show her...

VII

Ill not bow my head forever—
For her, ill wait as long as it takes.

My own foolish values and ideals
Keep me tripping over my words
In night after night of divine dialog
The words seem so futile,
But they are all I am allowed.
I take them and worship them
The subject of my blissful,
Beautiful, idolatrous fantasy.

VIII

I feel her breath on my lips-
She smiles, unable to come closer.

The only thing I could want
Is everything that is not supposed to be
I see her looking absolutely divine
Wishing she would touch her lips to mine
Her wandering gaze makes me feel whole
How dare she settle for someone
That loves her like every other?
...does she think dreams cant come true?

IX

…and so the end of another day
brings me farther from her arms.

Sometimes I wish she would just slap me in the face
She doesn’t want to find me in the shattered frame
I should be used to being disappointed…
What makes her so different?
Why does she insist on my friendship?
Why do I carry her wherever I go?
Why cant she let me alone?
...why cant I let her go?

hopeful, inspiring, uplifting.

very elegant piece. i enjoyed it thoroughly.

:D <3

wow.

that was violent. jarring.

the preface to every idea iterated by a new set of emotional environments, completely changing how i had to feel.

amazing, man. truly. i need a smoke now, haha.

okay, a short explanation before i delve in. this is the longest single piece ive written. it was written over the course of 5 years in 18 ten line parts. pretty much self explainatory what its about, but here are the first 5.

-
I

I saw sheer perfection behind a store window—
Like always, the price is too high.

Her subtle pink lips danced eloquently
About words that still ring so surreal;
Her eyes trace the ghostly form
Glistening with fake life and fake love
The image of her I cannot deny,
Ive no idea what she is.
Some amazing thing it is, when I think
Things could be different.

II

Once again I find my only release
In the scratching of muddled emotion.

I met someone today—
Someone I never knew I didn’t.
Its like there could be some whole new way,
A belief in faith, acceptance that wont
Come basking in hollow sunlight.
Why cant I just leave it alone?
Its not like its some irresistible force…
A god of lies gives no solace.

III

A few words of wanted endings,
Still looking for a new beginning.

Why wont she just let me be?
I need her until I cant stand it;
She knows it not, or shows it not
And I don’t know what left to feel
I hear her voice, and I am baptized
Into some individual religion,
An idolatrous tradition, and I only know
What I feel, and I dare not say it.

IV

I strive to believe in
A dream which exalts me.

I am trying to see
What I cant begin to believe-
Its harsh, and merciless, and beautiful...
I am starting to feel
Something I cannot allow to be
I feel her so close to me
So close, but far from content—
Her dreams are merely dreams, right?

V

A confession made thoughtlessly
Chains me to freedom unwanted.

If she takes another word
From my mouth, or another thought
From my mind, or another yearning
From my soul, I will be hers forever.
There is so much she doesn’t know
She knows; there is so much I have to say
I lie and wait for that brand new way
And I don’t know what next to say.

jimz - 'gjdgjj'

"dawns deep beginnings
born before the glass of the sun
born before time's evening shadows
but I awake anew
am I really reborn
wasn't god
a creation
of (himself)
really
the only clue
to a new beginning
is the pain goes away
when the tears
dry
when there is
light
light"

ak0 - 'i remember'

"the way you looked at me

your humility with me

your directness

you watch me in that moment

you watch me across the glare

you watch me when i'm hiding and it's painful

and it kills me only to know it's not because you possess me

you admire me

without even saying so"

humphrey bogart!? wow, talk about flattery. casablanca is one of the finest things to ever touch a screen.

thanks much.

many reasons this piece is important to me. i have many vested interests in the occupation in iraq: one, as a friend. many many things wrong with what is going on there. people that are in power arent sending their sons to die; they are sending OUR friends and family. second, as a citizen and political activist.

a life is a life; no more or less precious than any other. the 800,000 innocent iraqis(which, by the way, is a fairly conservative estimate; many european publications place the number over a million) and the 4,203 coalition casualties(including 3,896 americans).

i dont know if you would call nearly a million dead a genocide, but i would.

this piece tries to explain the hopelessness and the treachery of the SITUATION; there are no evil people(though id say politicians come pretty darn close). it illustrates the narrator of the piece, the soldier, viewing iraqis as animals(and misunderstanding them) though still self-defense comes into play, and innocent people die, and he is overridden by guilt.

the soldier isnt to blame.

as huxley wrote in "brave new world revisited":
"...the aim of rulers is first, of course, to exercise power for its own delightful sake and, second, TO KEEP THEIR SUBJECTS IN THAT STATE OF CONSTANT TENSION WHICH A STATE OF CONSTANT WAR DEMANDS OF THOSE WHO WAGE IT.."

a scared country is an obedient one.

funny thing, huxley was talking about hitler in this passage. but thats not who i think of now.

keep penning and stay proud. <3

i wonder what its like to be proud.

well, mostly, i just wonder
what would i think:
hard white-hot sights trained upon a crowd of people(are they?) writhing and spitting and completely and utterly full of hate for the flag on my shoulder.
they dont want to know me.
they dont want to meet my little daughter, allie, or
my dog who loves to lick her toes
im so hot.
im so tired.

blink - just once, slow sluggish

wish i could sleep.
god how i wish-

a short brown man shudders his left hand beneath his jacket, pushing through the crowd with the other.

god im so tired.

he reveals a large hunk of steel, plastic, lead and brass. starts to raise his sights to me.

is it time?

at this point, i dont think. i cant- not after what ive seen, what my hands, the hands that my little daughter held so tightly-

screams. running. chaos.

i wonder what the weather is like at home. it is much to hot here.

before explosions of smoke and blood are over, there are four motionless on the ground.

almost motionless. a dusty haired woman reaches toward the sky.

i drop my gun- it is much too heavy now.

god, its so hot.

-
something sinister lies within us.


tvs and newspapers shred reality into bite size bits of bravery.


the cocoon of control is warm, isnt it?


not that i blame you. not that i think its us to blame.
but the facts remain the same.

nations.
governments.
borders.

they divide us in much more fatal ways than geography.

thanks wilga. i rarely write things in standard meter, for that very reason. :D

LAMom as always <3

i had a dream last night that my dog was running around on the ceiling. and the only thing i was worried about was that i couldnt take her out because i was afraid she would fall up, haha.


great write, keep it up.

you've got some insight, man. and the penmanship to communicate it.

"Fearless at fisticuffs but scared to be with just 1.
Commitment is kryptonite to super players and line sayers. "

probably the best couplet in here, but i get the feeling you already knew that. :D

keep writing man, im reading.

thanks :D

there is less
than
i can see

two am
two IMs
flutter across my dreams

there isnt much to know about me save
that i dont really know what i am here for any particular
purpose

there isnt much to know about me save
ill save you from this.

and i dont
think
you get my point

and i dont know if ive got it goin' on
and i dont really care if this shrugs sickness
to see you there,
well
i cant surmount the mountains of
scans and faxes
land of fascists

lets fight a war, babe
lets shun the silly little
serendipitous sodomy

of living life

tonight-
im all alone here.

i never minded it till i couldnt
place my finger on the

contour you left on my bedsheets.

the ring in the air full of wanderin'
low notes, strummed in a key i am

all
too unfamiliar with

so!
what is it
that i want to
say

that maybe i like it.

yeah, maybe, baby,
i like it
just.
this.
way.

its unlike i am alone here now
but its just like i can
never remember the

fire that birthed me

the circumstances that pulled me into this
maelstrom of thought and un-thought

i find a reason for every little mistake
and i still cant find a season for the little litmus
that reads a certain shade of grey

i find myself scrounging
for the meaning stuck in the couch cushions.

i find myself clawing
at the love wrapped in red tape.

wow, very very nice.

(one little thing: i think you meant 'soothe' instead of 'sooth'. though sooth is a great word; means predicting the future. fits into context in a very abstract way here, which i love.)

the power and prescience and prescience of your context is staggering.

write more!

absolutely gorgeous.

love seeing people using english correctly in poetry.

capitalizing wet cement has a lot of impact. god im a nerd. :D

keep it up! <3

haha. thanks everyone.

i think you get my gists.

So many things turn me inside out
So many faces fade in and out
So many lives are shattered in others' wake

So what is it that makes us cry?
Why is it that all hope must die?
What is left when the entire world is flawed?

And what can I do get back on my feet
And onto that road of shattered glass?

Does anyone really have answer to this tragedy?
No one is safe, when it comes down to it
And all we can do is try.

Such a great irony that our
strife
in striving
Is its own meaning, and our only purpose.
We live for
impossible improvement,
And the only thing we have left
Is some trial.
Some
grand,
meaningless test
Of our own uncertainty.

Well, I'll not have it.
F*ck those sanitary little tidbits
That control every one of us.
I'm gonna find my own path
Even if it be through the sun--

I will shine the brightest;
Ill not bend to you.

susan, it is?

great write. you've got some moves, its true.

i bet you dance well.

loved the series.

not gonna lie, HATED the last book. :(

the first three were classic. and the next three were very good.