okay, a short explanation before i delve in. this is the longest single piece ive written. it was written over the course of 5 years in 18 ten line parts. pretty much self explainatory what its about, but here are the first 5.

-
I

I saw sheer perfection behind a store window—
Like always, the price is too high.

Her subtle pink lips danced eloquently
About words that still ring so surreal;
Her eyes trace the ghostly form
Glistening with fake life and fake love
The image of her I cannot deny,
Ive no idea what she is.
Some amazing thing it is, when I think
Things could be different.

II

Once again I find my only release
In the scratching of muddled emotion.

I met someone today—
Someone I never knew I didn’t.
Its like there could be some whole new way,
A belief in faith, acceptance that wont
Come basking in hollow sunlight.
Why cant I just leave it alone?
Its not like its some irresistible force…
A god of lies gives no solace.

III

A few words of wanted endings,
Still looking for a new beginning.

Why wont she just let me be?
I need her until I cant stand it;
She knows it not, or shows it not
And I don’t know what left to feel
I hear her voice, and I am baptized
Into some individual religion,
An idolatrous tradition, and I only know
What I feel, and I dare not say it.

IV

I strive to believe in
A dream which exalts me.

I am trying to see
What I cant begin to believe-
Its harsh, and merciless, and beautiful...
I am starting to feel
Something I cannot allow to be
I feel her so close to me
So close, but far from content—
Her dreams are merely dreams, right?

V

A confession made thoughtlessly
Chains me to freedom unwanted.

If she takes another word
From my mouth, or another thought
From my mind, or another yearning
From my soul, I will be hers forever.
There is so much she doesn’t know
She knows; there is so much I have to say
I lie and wait for that brand new way
And I don’t know what next to say.

I'm allmost speechless...great write!
Really enjoyed reading this one...

VI

Sick of this blind confusion
My fingers ache for something more

How much longer will I have to scream
To convince her of what she knows already?
I cannot give her up anymore
Lying down, hoping to be trampled on—
How could I be such a fool to think
She might share a love with me?
yet I cannot be rid of my hope
I just want to show her...

VII

Ill not bow my head forever—
For her, ill wait as long as it takes.

My own foolish values and ideals
Keep me tripping over my words
In night after night of divine dialog
The words seem so futile,
But they are all I am allowed.
I take them and worship them
The subject of my blissful,
Beautiful, idolatrous fantasy.

VIII

I feel her breath on my lips-
She smiles, unable to come closer.

The only thing I could want
Is everything that is not supposed to be
I see her looking absolutely divine
Wishing she would touch her lips to mine
Her wandering gaze makes me feel whole
How dare she settle for someone
That loves her like every other?
...does she think dreams cant come true?

IX

…and so the end of another day
brings me farther from her arms.

Sometimes I wish she would just slap me in the face
She doesn’t want to find me in the shattered frame
I should be used to being disappointed…
What makes her so different?
Why does she insist on my friendship?
Why do I carry her wherever I go?
Why cant she let me alone?
...why cant I let her go?

Immense, intense, and well ---- flat awesome!

X

I woke up this morning to find
The world isn’t as I left it.

Is it so bad to think that the most
Wonderful thing you have is something you don’t?
I feel her gaze, and return it bravely
Secretly knowing what she is
Someday can never seem soon enough
But I simply cannot give up.
She can never come close enough
But I will not give up.

XI

Fiery thoughts led to fiery words
And we come to a crossroads with no turning back.

I angered the gods today.
I defied the way that everyone
Said was my only choice.
And it felt good.
I watched cities burn
And the standards of empires fall
As I poured my soul into a love
I did not know at all.

XII

Apprehension is thrown out the door
And something beautiful is born.

I wait for hours on her doorstep
For her to let me in and be free
Of the looming, cloud-blotched night—
The biting, chilling wind…
Thoughts of her keep me warm
And crazy storybook dreams
All I want is to keep her from harm.
All I want is to be what she needs.

XIII
Just another listless midnight confession
Rings from my heart to her ears.

Does she even comprehend what I have to offer?
This cant be just another fling.
This, as far as I am concerned, is everything.
Give me a reason, a choice, a will!
Ive nothing left to do without you
How can I just stand by
And see you so incomplete?

XIV

The melody of what she fails to say
Breathes soft comfort into my lungs.

I have been robbed of contentment.
I have been raped of decency.
I have been left, bruised and broken,
Staining the sidewalk with what I once hid.
She ripped me to pieces
To give me a new soul;
She took away everything
To give me so much more.

XV

…and still I feel this love growing
stronger; stronger every day.

How much longer will she say
She has no idea what she wants?
I cant ever hope to admit to her
How her gentle features melt my pride;
How her radiant words save me;
How her thoughtless gazes embrace me…
A love not lived is a life ever lost—
A life ever lost is a price I cannot pay.

XVI

I pace madly across my bedroom carpet
Trying to figure out how she is so amazing.

We held hands today.
It was the most absolutely complete,
Incredibly intimate, extraordinary embrace
My blistered fingers have ever experienced,
I could feel her.
I could tell she could feel it.
And I stammer, and I stutter,
Wondering how to find the words.



XVII

And so comes a wanted ending
And the prospect of a new beginning.

Now I can say what it is like to be happy.
Now I know what everyone else is missing—
Now I know what everyone else cant see.
She has cut the chains holding her
And has chosen to find me.
My lips are dry, my heart racing still…
My soul aches to show her
Something bigger than both of us.

XVIII
(Written April 2006)

You threw me away.
You threw it all away.

And I bet you expect me to just wonder
And wait, feeling some sort of
Silent reverence. But you know me.
Or knew me. You don’t know anything now.
I don’t give in. not like you.
Not ever. And I loved you,
Even after I shouldn’t, even when
Hope was gone.
I loved you.
And now you are gone.

Authenticity at it's finest...

Great write(s)

thanks.

i guess if this is anything, its authentic. though far from one of my favorites.

Awesome I'm speechles as usually your work does amaze me with out any doubt this is awesome.

Raw and heartfelt ... awesome!

thanks guys and gals.

I felt almost tortured to read this. How love is like an obsession that you go back to. The feelings from happiness to abject despair. Been there, done that and you made me relive it through your great writing. Not happy to resurrect past feelings, but that's what great writing does-finds a way to connect to memories or feelings or a moment in time. Great job!