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Community > Posts By > ephraimglass
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Topic:
Chastity and the Modern Man
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In fact, I was recently involved with a man to whom I am very attracted yet found the sex less-than-satisfactory (and it was not a case of mis-communication as I am very upfront and non-embarrassed regarding all aspects of sexuality).
Forgive me if I may be so bold, but are you sure that your partner was willing to invest all of the effort necessary to please you? You may have been communicating clearly but that does not mean that he was eagerly putting into practice what you were saying. I'm not claiming to be a prodigy, by any means, but it is my nature to be focused, adaptable, and enthusiastic. |
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Topic:
Chastity and the Modern Man
Edited by
ephraimglass
on
Mon 11/26/07 08:27 PM
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Iceprincess, I appreciate the counterpoint, by the way. I did, after all, initiate this topic with doubts. I like to hear arguments (especially ones backed by experience, as yours is) that support both possible outcomes. I've received some very well-thought arguments encouraging me to stick to my guns. Frankly, that's what I want to do, so I'm glad to have that backing too. I am glad that it isn't a one-sided discussion, though.
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Topic:
Chastity and the Modern Man
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Iceprincess, it is my belief that if there is attraction, then sexual compatibility is just a matter of being willing to invest the effort to please one's partner. Although I've never had sex, I'm not completely inexperienced. I'd like to think that I'm receptive to what my partner wants. If worse comes to worst, it may not be romantic, but asking, "What works for you? What doesn't?" is effective.
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Topic:
Would you say i'm shallow?
Edited by
ephraimglass
on
Mon 11/26/07 07:42 PM
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Random when you said crappier part of the deal I hope you didn't mean the ladies kids. I think if kids are involved then the man is lucky to have them in his life. I grew up being raised by my step dad. So I don't consider the ladies kids to be excess baggage they are not. If I fell in love with a lady who had kids and the dad didn't anything to do with them I would legally adopt them after the marriage. If the dad refused to give up parental rights out of spite towards his ex then I would challenge him in court to have the court strip him of those rights after I prove that he didn't want to have anything to do with his kids so that the adoption could proceed. This is just my opinion Fortsmithman, this is a very admirable attitude. It's certainly one that I hope I could employ, myself. Even though I don't exclude women with children from my searches, however, I have to admit that it's a very daunting possibility. I would be hard pressed to claim that I would make a very good father right now. Heck, I've only had my own apartment for a year. I think I've only just proven that I know how to take care of myself. I want children someday, but I am not just a little bit frightened of the responsibility I'd be taking on right away if I were to get into a serious relationship with a woman who already has children. |
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Topic:
Would you say i'm shallow?
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I want the girl whose silhouette is on the mud flaps from which you got your profile picture. She, uh... looks like she'd be a big fan of Russian literature and we could have all sorts of stimulating conversation. Yeah!
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Topic:
Would you say i'm shallow?
Edited by
ephraimglass
on
Mon 11/26/07 06:42 PM
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I agree and I disagree. Yes, everybody's going to be old and unattractive someday. Therefore, there must be a component of the relationship that has staying power. The relationship does not take place entirely in the distant future when you and your spouse are both 70-something, though. Part of the relationship occurs when you're 25 or 30. During that period of the relationship, the physical component is important too. I think it does a disservice to romantic love to downplay the relevance of a mutually enjoyable sex life.
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Topic:
Whats Cooking???
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Cooking is one of the things that I love to do. It's been a while since I've had the pleasure of cooking for a lady friend, but this Thursday, I'm preparing a beef roast for the fellows with whom I play racquetball twice a week.
Cooking together is one of my favourite romantic activities, though. My ex used to be really cute about it. She didn't have a lot of experience, but she'd take to any task with her whole attention. I taught her how to ice a cake once. (The secret is to turn the cake underneath the knife.) She sat there, almost with her tongue hanging out the corner of her mouth, chanting to herself, "tuuuuurn cake" over while she did it. |
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Topic:
Masculine Input/Opinion
Edited by
ephraimglass
on
Mon 11/26/07 06:18 PM
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I think that the differences are greater than you think. More often than not, I observe women taking the passive role in the earliest stages of attraction and dating.
Perhaps I am unattractive or I project an unappealing personality, but I doubt that is the case. Nonetheless, only a tiny fraction of the few contacts that I make are initiated by the woman. (I will concede that the personality that I DO project might be more attractive to a traditional woman than to a progressive one.) To me, though, I take this as an indication that many women still expect men to take the active role in initiating and pursuing a romantic relationship. I find it unpleasant, therefore, when my attempts at initiation and pursuit are not treated graciously. I try to embody, to the best of my ability, only the admirable traits associated with masculinity. I do not think that it is unreasonable, therefore, to expect responses that reflect the admirable traits of femininity. (Note: I don't always expect a positive response - only a polite one.) |
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Topic:
.......Honesty........
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There's a saying with which I am familiar about whether or not one should say what's on one's mind. The three criteria are: Is it true, is it kind, and is it necessary?
It will seldom come to pass that everything that one says is all 100% of all three criteria at once. Nonetheless, I think that your notion that one should be diplomatic falls under the criterion that one ought to be kind. For me, I am fascinated by the idea of honesty in relationships. It is my experience that people seldom want it as much as they claim for one simple reason: They like to ask questions to which there is clearly an answer that they would prefer to hear. In such a situation, the true answer is frequently NOT that answer. In my dealings with people, I try never to ask a question if I am not prepared for an honest response. I dislike insecure questions that beg for an uplifting response for the very reason that they don't promote honest communication. |
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Topic:
Would you say i'm shallow?
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I dislike how this sort of discussion always devolves into an either/or proposition. I'm with ChiefPUA. I want my wife to have both inner and outer beauty. She has to have traits that I find emotionally and spiritually fulfilling, but the fact of the matter is, I intend for her to be the only woman with whom I ever have sex. It would be very disappointing if I did not also find her physically attractive.
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Topic:
Masculine Input/Opinion
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My "question" is more of a situational dilemma. I have a notion that some/many modern women are suffering from an identity crisis. There still exists the idea that men are supposed to be the pursuers in romantic settings. I get the impression, though, that many women want to exercise their empowerment not by being pursuers themselves, but by being ungracious toward men who pursue them. Now, I will grant that many men are not gentleman about romantic pursuit. They lash out ungraciously when rejected (I am not immune to this tendency.) Nonetheless, I see a correlation between men behaving like cowards in "the pursuit" and women being unkind toward men in whom they are not interested.
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Topic:
celery in stuffing is nasty
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For the blasphemy of not liking celery in your stuffing, I think that you deserve whatever suffering you suffer as a result of it being there.
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Topic:
Chastity and the Modern Man
Edited by
ephraimglass
on
Mon 11/26/07 03:00 PM
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If you REALLY want to find out, test yourself. Put yourself in a situation where a woman is literally BEGGING for you to please her. If you tell her "no" out of religious commitment, get back to me.
I've been in this position before and, out of commitment to my faith, I did not give in to temptation. I agree, mind you, that I do not want my marriage to be [completely] based on sexual attraction. That is, however, ONE criterion on which I intend to base my decision. Emotional attraction and spiritual compatibility are two others. It is also important to me that she and I have a good blend of both shared and diverse interests. I don't think it's right to try to "see past the sex," though. To me, that demeans the value of of sex in a healthy marriage. I want my wife to be the whole deal. I don't want to sow my wild oats now so that sex won't be all that important to me later. I want sex to continue to be important to me well into my marriage and I want my wife to feel the same way. To me, "seeing past the sex" seems just as bad for the health of a marriage as "seeing past the emotions." |
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Topic:
Chastity and the Modern Man
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Personally, I would never get involved with a man who wanted to wait until marriage. Perhaps it's my age... Ah, but at least according to your profile, you classify yourself as "non-religious." I know at least one atheist who chose to wait until marriage before having sex, but it's a decision that is much more frequently made for religious reasons. |
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Topic:
Chastity and the Modern Man
Edited by
ephraimglass
on
Sun 11/25/07 11:19 PM
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I understand what you're trying to get at. Bear in mind that what I just explained is the rationale that led me to choose premarital abstinence in the first place.
My dilemma is whether I can keep that pledge and still [reasonably] expect to ever have a sexually satisfying marriage. If I find a woman who is willing to wait to have sex until we've agreed to spend the rest of our lives together, that's 9/10 of the way to actually getting married. At that point, waiting a few more months for the ceremony may not be a big deal to her or compromising a little and having sex while engaged might not be a big deal to me. |
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Topic:
Chastity and the Modern Man
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I think that there's just a little bit of a misconception regarding my notion of marriage. Disregard for the moment the license that I will have to acquire from the state (ie: the contract, the legal paperwork, etc.) There is also a ceremony in which I and my wife will profess our commitment before witnesses and before God. In some regards, that ceremony is a formality, but to me and to many other people, it holds a lot of weight. Public profession makes a much more powerful statement than just "making it legal."
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Topic:
Chastity and the Modern Man
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Can't have your cake and eat it too. Marriage is a legal contract... nothing more. Follow your heart... go with your gut... the ethics and morals usually fall into place from there. I'm afraid that following one's heart and letting the ethics and morals "fall into place" from there sounds like a recipe for bad decision making. Ethics and morals are supposed to guide one's judgment from the outset. What you're describing sounds suspiciously like after-the-fact rationalization of the choices that one has made. |
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Topic:
Chastity and the Modern Man
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I think this is just a hang over from archaic times when people got married at 16 and had 20 children to work the farms cause polio would eventually take 3/4s of them.
Why wait? I mean in the end it's your choice, but I can tell ya...you're missing out on a great thing. I'm not saying it's good to just be about sex, but if you really care for someone and you're in a monogamous relationship why not? I mean really what's the point of waiting? How do you know that you'll be sexually compatible with the other person unless you try. People have all these romantic notions like oh it's my gift...what? Your virginity isn't a gift, she doesn't gain anything from getting that, how bout you just not cheat, I think most women are fine with that. You might even start pressuring yourself to get married if you tell yourself you won't have sex until your married and I think that's worse. I put marriage above sex in terms of what's more special. I think that you missed the part where I mentioned that I had made this choice for "personal, spiritual reasons." Yes, I appreciate that the sociological analysis suggests that the Judeo-Christian tradition evolved from a pragmatic necessity among an agrarian culture. Nonetheless, I hold to that Judeo-Christian tradition as a matter of faith. I received some encouraging and insightful advice on another site where I posted this concern and I'd like to share it here. EG, no man wants to pair up with a woman who is disinterested in sex, so you're pretty much in the same boat as the playboys and manwhores. (Welcome aboard!) As for finding a girl who respects your ideals yet is interested in exploring sex with you when the time is right, I'm gonna have to say that you have little to worry about, my friend. Believe it, she is out there. She's probably your age or a few years younger, but she is out there, and rest assured she will rock your world once you tie that knot. Lucky bastard.
Meanwhile, don't give in to worry and doubt. You've gotten this far without compromising yourself, so don't you dare cop out now. If you haven't caved in yet for a woman who's interested in you but doesn't want to wait for sex, you need to uphold that same standard when it comes to settling for a woman who will wait for you and is not interested in sex. The key is communication. If you're not going to have sex before marriage, you better get comfortable talking about it in explicit detail beforehand so you both have some clue about what you expect from your forthcoming sex life. |
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Topic:
How Not to Care (?)
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I had a bit of a breakthrough on this notion this weekend. I learned to apply an old word to a new situation and it may help me. I don't think that it's possible to fake confidence or to talk oneself into it. On the upside, I don't think that confidence is the right idea. You can't judge confidence in a five-minute chat.
The word, I think, that should be used in place of confidence is audacity or boldness. The point is to be interesting and memorable. I may be nervous as hell, but I can say something that won't easily be forgotten. At this point, I'm not the slightest bit concerned with whether or not what I'm saying is comfortable. Comfort is not memorable. I'd rather ask a girl if she likes Russian literature or what her favourite opera is, shock her a little, and have her think about me later. |
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Topic:
Chastity and the Modern Man
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It sounds like what you're saying is this: - I know women have sexual needs - I refuse to meet those needs - Is that ok? I don't think that this is a fair interpretation of what I said, but I think that nonetheless, you've provided an answer to my question. I believe it's fair to say that you think that "No, it is NOT a realistic goal to expect to find a woman with a strong libido who also respects a pledge of premarital chastity." I have no intention of leaving my wife's sexual needs unsatisfied, WHEN SHE'S MY WIFE. In fact, the other half of my question, you may notice, is whether I can realistically expect to find a woman who respects my pledge of chastity but who will also be empathic toward my sexual needs and willing to fulfill them. |
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