If I am not mistaken, this is a moral poem advocating kind behaviour in this present life. The supposition, I gather, is that the good will one generates in others through one's earthly actions will support one's wellbeing in the hereafter.

It's a pleasant read, but I'm afraid that it could use a lot of polish. Your rhymes seem rather forced. Your word choice is always comprehensible, but it feels as though you sometimes sacrifice IMPACT to maintain your rhymes.

You also need to work on the poem's scansion. The cadence is difficult to discern or even nonexistent in some places. A phrase like "seems to be in a fuzz" almost always has poor rhythm.

You also have to be careful with constructions like "The water feels against my body like a feather palm." Ordering the words in this way allows you to maintain your rhyme scheme and metre somewhat, but the awkward construction draws the reader's attention and makes the rhyme and metre seem inorganic to the poem.

I LIKE TURTLES!

I'm kind of fond of poetry. I wrote my first sonnet on a dare because some of my English major friends were writing them in class and didn't think I could do it. I think they were surprised by the result. The following poem is my first and only sestina to date. I wrote it just to prove to myself that I could. I tried writing it in iambic pentameter, but now that I look back on it, I failed miserably at the "iambic" part.

Unlawful

Beloved, though you are a lofty duke
And I be naught except a pauper maid,
May we sing such celestial music
As the nightingale who greets lady moon
That the coldest heart must forgive our crime
Or be condemned for lacking sympathy.

For what worth has man without sympathy?
Ill nature can bring low even a duke.
Such a man will not balk at any crime.
He'll rob the old and rape the virgin maid.
He shuns sunlight and skulks beneath the moon.
He cannot bear to hear gentle music.

Darling, we should celebrate with music
Because our love must garner sympathy.
No one denies the stirrings of the moon
And only one can challenge you, a duke.
The king is wise, not petty, as a maid.
Have faith, he shall not call our love a crime.

Naive girl, what do you know about crime?
Your days are filled with joy and music.
That life befits so beautiful a maid.
Judgement demands justice, not sympathy.
How can I forsake the oath of a duke,
Moved by passion, the deceit of the moon?

Emotions are as fickle as the moon --
Waxing and waning so -- it is a crime.
But they have touched up the heart of a duke.
I find myself burning with sweet music.
The swain I scorned now has my sympathy;
I too know what it is to love a maid.

I offer my hand to you, precious maid.
My lasting love I swear upon the moon.
Powerless, the law, absent sympathy;
Love for the innocent punishes crime;
Justice rewards the righteous with music
Sweeter than songs from the hall of a duke.

Let no one say this maid commits a crime.
The moon conducts the spheres' divine music,
Urging sympathy for a humbled duke.

Lines 5 and 6 hurt the poem.

One, they scan poorly. You have a strong cadence going throughout the rest of the poem that breaks down there. (Congratulations for that, by the way. Many free-verse poets have very poor cadence.)

Two, the words themselves distract from the poem. "but you Lie to Listen" is a somewhat awkward construction. My first impression of the word "Lie" was that you meant to tell a falsehood, which makes this line gibberish. I realized then that it could mean "Lie down." If that's what you actually mean, then putting "down" in there would actually improve both the scansion and the comprehensibility.

Line 6 is worse in both regards. It is three or four syllables too long to scan properly and "replies" simply never fits the way that you've used it. If "your mind is a Sign of Wisdom" is the important thought in this line, then just cut "which replies" altogether. Again, this would improve both the scansion and the comprehensibility.

Definitely a worthwhile trip. My kittens have chow once again, I have a fresh sack of coffee to try in the morning, and I get to have an English muffin with marmelade before I go back to bed tonight.

Well, that settles it. I'll be back in about an hour, if you're all still awake.

So I went to bed crazy early tonight -- around 8:30. I woke up again around midnight (100 minutes ago) and now I'm not sleepy. I'm thinking of taking a shower and going out to the grocery store.

I am exaggerating, but I am, by no means, pulling your leg. You might say that the recipe for chocolate cake always starts with an onion because no good German grandmother would ever let her "schoenes kind" eat a chocolate cake without a good meal beforehand. So she'd HAVE to make a pot roast first. And the recipe for pot roast begins with... "first you brown an onion."

You don't like onions? Golly, I don't know how one could survive in my family without liking onions. If you ask my grandmother how to cook ANYTHING, the recipe starts with "first, you brown an onion."

It doesn't matter if you're making a chocolate cake. You brown an onion and then throw it away, just to get yourself in the right mindset.

Life is kind of a bore for me right now. I'm taking a few steps in "real life" to mend to mend that situation, like working out with some of my coworkers and getting myself back to judo. Hopefully that will help with boredom, give me a bit of a confidence boost, and generally satisfy my need for human contact.

It's rough trying to have fun all by oneself, all the time, though. I've been living in the Twin Cities for a year now, but I've never been very good at meeting people. I kind of hoped that using some of these online dating services could help me to get past the really awkward stages of meeting new people so that maybe I could get out some more. That can't happen, though, if people won't respond to my emails. I guess that part of what I'm afraid of is that I come across online as awkwardly as I do in real life.

You are probably right about that. Normal methods for meeting people are pretty alien to me, so I probably overcompensate when I try to meet people online.

There's better than even odds that I stink of desperation and I know that's not attractive. I suppose I ought to work on THAT although heaven only knows how.

I doubt that's all it takes. I always read a lady's profile before sending her an email. I don't want to talk about nothing, so I try to talk about things that she likes. If she says that she likes to cook, I'll tell her that I also like to cook and ask her about her favourite recipe. If she says that she likes to travel, I'll ask about her most recent vacation. In fact, I usually won't send that first email if I can't think of anything relevant to write.

Player1, I would like to know how. What did this gentleman do that so impressed you?

Why not 51 miles? Because 50 miles is too much. That's two hours round trip just to get to and from the date. That's a lot of energy invested that doesn't even contribute to the relationship. I think that it puts a lot of pressure on the couple, too, to spend a lot of time together when they're able to see one another. You never get the date where you meet up for dinner, take a walk around the block, and then head home. The kind of "date" that long distance encourages doesn't even seem especially appropriate for the first meeting or four.

And getting away from the long-distance discussion, have we pretty much established that nobody knows why so many emails get ignored? I've noticed that the matter of spelling has been repeated, but I think that it is evident that I have no problem in that department.

TheiaLynn, you have to be careful with words like those. That's the same sort of defeatist language that abusive men use to humiliate women into staying in bad relationships. Once a woman believes that she's not a [real] woman, it is easier for her to succumb to hopelessness.

The man who treats them like a queen comes across as limp-wristed and unappealing -- like overcooked asparagus. That is not to say that the man who treats them like crap is really any more appealing (they often end up leaving those guys too.) Frankly, I think what's missing from both relationships is an attitude of mutual admiration and partnership.

To look at it from the other side of the mirror, don't you look for a woman with a little bit of attitude? Would you really enjoy a relationship with a woman who was like, "Yes dear, you always have such good ideas. May I make you a sandwich? Do you want me to bring you a beer with that?"

CBFraser, you told your guy that he needed some hobbies, but I have to admit that I identify with him. I don't think that I would go so far as to say that it's "all that I care about" but serving the people that I love is very important to me. When I get married, I'd like to use "to serve in love" as part of my vows to my wife.

I don't think that there is one specific person out there who is absolutely perfect for me and that my happiness hinges on finding that person.

I do, however, believe that one or more (probably MANY) women out there have traits that will help me to be the best man that I can be and that I have traits that will help her to be the best woman that she can be.

Unsure, I understand what you're saying, but it doesn't ring true to me. To me, a good relationship is emotionally nourishing and I find long-distance to be very draining. Maybe I'd find that a long-distance relationship with a woman who was ACTUALLY my soulmate would be nourishing, but that seems like quite a gamble. How many enervating relationships would I have to try before I found the one that nourished me?

You might reply, "As many as it takes -- isn't it worth the end result?" The answer would be yes, except an emotionally draining experience makes me less fit for a healthy relationship. I'd be sabotaging the very relationship I was trying to find.

Oh, "Unsure" says, "Where's the e-mails?"

It is worth noting that I only email local ladies. My goal is getting AWAY from my computer. Starting up length email conversations with women in other states isn't going to help me a lot there.