'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'

'Yes.

What can I do for you?'

'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith...He's hidin'

Marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside

Them logs, but he's hidin' it there..'

'Thank you very much for the call, sir.

'

The next day, twelve Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house.

They

Search the shed where the firewood is
kept.



Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.



They sneer at Virgil and leave.



Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.



'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?'

'Yeah!'

'Did they chop your firewood?'

'Yep!'

'Happy Birthday, buddy!'

(Rednecks know how to get it done).

Woman walks into an accountant's office in Texas and tells him that She needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, 'Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions.' He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, what is your occupation?''I'm a whore,' she says. The accountant is somewhat taken back and says, 'No, No, No,that won't work. Let's try to rephrase that' The woman says, 'OK, I'm a high-end call girl'. 'No, that still won't work. Try again.' They both think for a minute; then the woman says, 'I'm an elite chicken farmer.' The accountant asks, 'What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?' 'Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year.' 'OK, Chicken Farmer it is.

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. I stood in the short line.


Just in front of me was an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen.

Today I get hunat eighty??

Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said,"Fluctuations."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people, too!"

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking
around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?"
She
asked.



"Hunting Flies"
He responded.



"Oh.

! Killing
any?"
She asked.



"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he
replied.




Intrigued,
she asked.


"How
can you tell them apart?"

He
responded,
"3
were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.


One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife."Honey,"she said, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white,and fainted.


On the card was written:

"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without."

Send extra sauce!!!!!

just showin a little southern hospitality

<--loves hot monkey sex

breaking benjamin - sooner or later

Mandy Moansalot

"There's no use crying over spilled perfume"

he bites

why do weebles wobble but they don't fall down

God created the donkey and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."

The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"

God granted his wish.

God created the dog and said to him: "You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog. "

The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years.

" God granted his wish.

God created the monkey and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. "

The monkey answered: "To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."

God granted his wish.

Finally God created man ... and said to him: "You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."

Man responded: "Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused.

" God granted man's wish

And since then, man lives

20 years as a man , marries and spends
30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back.
Then when his children are grown, he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life.


Is'nt it ??????????

it's not looking much better down here in atlanta

i do that to my parents too....

the fact that all these hot people are online on july 4th instead of on dates is strange to me.....what's america coming to

oh yes.....

i can make so so work