AthenaRose...I "survived" lunch with my widowed neighbor and did okay...He's a nice man...I was surprised at how outgoing (and talkative) he was with the people around us.(When we were standing in line to eat at the buffet.) He has an interesting and varied background...We were surrounded by friendly "snowbird" couples and this was nice...Some thought we were married at first...He's a nice man and he "means well."...I'm glad to be back home in my own little "cave" again.

Its not gender specific. Men and women both can do it. Like someone said, "Marriage is not for everyone." One can lose themselves and their best friend because of marriage. It can be the death of a friendship. If you see yourself starting to change or them it is good to reflect as to why. It is a big step and not one to take lightly. If you find yourself being a silent partner and the changes are going too fast you might have to get out of the relationship any way you can before stepping off the leaf and expecting some else to catch you.

When I was a little girl, seen but never heard, the adult world around me made a very distinct and indelible impression that showed my mind at that early stage of my life what kind of grown up I wanted to be. Having excessive money and power adversely affects the human heart and keeps us apart... I'm glad your father wasn't removed from the comforts of home that he was most familiar with just to appease your son's MIL. Position and power can far to easily consume us, in the end we have to leave it behind, and our souls along with it...

that sounds great greeneyes - like you had a very positive and functional relationship

my ex husband was unfortunately very much in need of gratification via the attention of as many others as possible, and he prolly still is that way. He seldom had any desire to spend time with me, or our little family. He preferred his male friends to us almost exclusively. His extroversion was extreme, however, I am an extreme introvert...so it was a constant struggle. I am surprised we lasted as long as we did.

I will never again get involved with an extremely extroverted person or a person who needs the attention of many others to be happy/validated/satisfied. Those types are just too draining!

I envy your marriage tho! It sounds wonderful.

I'm not saying spending time with your spouse/SO is boring at all. Or that getting very close is a bad thing. But, I do believe that both need to continue being friends with other people and have their own time as well. I could not be in a relationship with someone who did not have his own friends and did not spend time with other people once in a while.

I think that how we conduct ourselves is instinctively based on a number of factors, such as education level, religious belief, family values/morals, and on our particular role in any given relationship, such as parent/child… teacher/student… pastor/parishioner… husband/wife… male/female… etc… in every relationship there is a certain amount of dominance required to maintain control and provide guidance… are there narcissistic individuals who will misuse the control/power they have over others to make their own lives easier… yes… are there emotionally injured/insecure individuals who feel safer if they can control what’s in their environment… yes… are there natural born leaders that almost everyone approves of and they effortlessly wield the power they are afforded to do good by others… yes… is it natural for us to fear losing some control over our lives when our feelings are involved in personal relationships… yes… when threatened, does the instinct to survive kick in and give us the power we need to master the fear and overcome the obstacle… yes… I think that we humans are a complex lot… and there are those who are better at leading… and those who do better following… imho

gotcha...

yes ma'am... I was raised up in a strictly religious environment using the bible as our guide... and even though I have back slid and become 100% worldly and can sin like the best of us, my conscious will always nag me with the bible verses that if I'd followed might have saved me some serious grief that my errant actions brought on myself... we live and learn...

Ephesians 5:22-25 and 28-33… Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word…”

28-33… So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church…” For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Yes, my religious and biblical beliefs have a heavy influence over my conscious and conduct in many things… when I’m not letting my human nature and feelings have their sway…

it's cool how we think so much alike, Claire... it's like since my divorce I can do exactly what makes me happy every single day... if I want to stay online and sleep weird hours, drink tons of coffee that I know I shouldn't but I do just because I can... lol... make new friends, and even a couple enemies too I think.. :)... but my new passion is posting music... now that I can lose myself in... I wish we lived closer so we could hang out and go to lunch, or have coffee... talk girl talk...