It might be hard for me to be involved with a man who had a big extended family IF there were a lot of expections...For instance I wouldn't want to feel obligated to have everyone over for dinner every single Sunday...Or go to someone else's house for dinner every single weekend...Would I be able to "opt-out" of some of the get-togethers and family events at times? Or would this make me look like a "sinner" and mean and uncaring person??..I enjoy having free and independent time. (Off the "hook" space and time.) I'm used to being more of a loner...Family get-togethers and special events can be fun and rewarding but I don't want to feel obligated to take-in everything..I don't want to end-up feeling suffocated or smothered.

If I were involved with a man I'd never expect him to "foot" the entire bill and cost of a vacation...It's always been hard for me to sit in the passenger's seat while a man pays for everything...I don't want to take advantage of anyone...So I guess I tend to be on the practical-side...But this doesn't mean there can't be some romance too. (And fun and play etc.)

I'm not ready to date yet..Just here to connect with friends and post on the forum...This is a friendly place!

I hardly ever wear jewelry so it's not my thing...My husband bought me some "plain Jane" underware when he went out shopping one time. I was running out and he volunteered to pick me up a package but I usually got my own...I'm the one who requested simple and "plain Jane." I don't like frilly and lacy stuff against my skin...I do a lot of writing so my husband made sure I always had plenty of pens and paper and ink and paper for our computer printer etc.

Thanks...I care about people and couples...I'd love to see every marriage and relationship succeed...It's sad when people become disillusioned and lose faith and trust and give up on love entirely. (Due to negative and unhappy experiences in their past.)

My husband had cute (and low-key ways) of sneaking in romance once in awhile and making me smile. (And blush!)...Early in our relationship he changed the chorus line of a popular Neil Diamond song without telling me in advance. ("Sweet Caroline.")...He replaced "Sweet Caroline" with "sweet Claire of mine!" (My name.)...And he sang the song and his special chorus line (for me) everytime the song came on the radio in such a cute, cute way. (Straight from his heart!) And I loved it!...When I hear the song today I feel like he's talking to me and reminding me that he loves me! (I'm shedding a few tears right now.)...Anyway I'm glad he snuck in a little romance once in awhile! He was sure cute!...But it would been hard for me to live and breathe romance every single second of each day.

Some people don't have a very realistic view about love or marriage...They aren't really prepared for a life of dirty socks and bills to pay and nights when their partner is dead-tired from a long and hard day at work...Life can still be pleasant even though there is stuff to do besides just sitting around and hugging and kissing and doing non-stop "baby talk."...I think it helps to have a realistic view about marriage versus expecting married life to be about love, love, love and more love (and romance galore) day and night...Don't you?

Well, yeah... I'd have to agree with that!

I guess that the word love has so many different meanings that I over-looked what you were referring to.
So thanks for taking the time to explain it further.

I'm not a big fan of flowers...But a box of chocolate truffles or candy would be nice...I brought my female friend some french vanilla coffee when I stopped by to see her yesterday...She and her husband sent me home with a couple of steaks the other day...I brought one steak over to my neighbor who is a widower...Sometimes it's fun to bring special treats over to friends...I'm not against any of this...If someone invites me to dinner I try to bring a little something...I don't necessarily view it as romance...It's just fun to spoil the people we care about and bring treats or gifts when we feel like it and can...I'm not good with flowers. They are pretty but I feel sad when they die and I have to throw them away...Living plants probably work better for me.

It's not about hate...A person can still see joy in life and have fun even though they don't want to do fairy-tales per se...We never really heard what happened to Snow White or Cinderella after they got married...We were just told that they lived "happily ever after" minus the details...I think the divorce rate is sky-high because couples get married with tons of illusions. They expect to live "happily ever after" too but when the honeymoon phase ends and "real life" sets in they are "bummed" and disappointed...Some even feel "tricked" or "cheated" and super angry about it too...And they bring their anger and "old baggage" with them into new relationships...I think it's smart and wise to be a little more realistic ahead of time and ready to love but prepared for "real life" too...Maybe couples would benefit from taking classes on "creative problem solving." Or classes about working together as a team. Or how to make everyday chores less stressful and more fun etc.

Every relationship needs a sprinkling of romance and fun and play to keep things "alive." This is how I feel anyway...But I just don't want to feel obligated to play out a role in a movie or romance novel 24/7...This can get old and be boring. I don't like "set roles" very much...They can be too confining and limiting and restrictive...I don't want my wings "clipped!" I want to feel "free" to spread my wings and explore new aspects and sides to myself all the time...And I enjoy being around "multi-dimensional men" too.

Some people don't have a very realistic view about love or marriage...They aren't really prepared for a life of dirty socks and bills to pay and nights when their partner is dead-tired from a long and hard day at work...Life can still be pleasant even though there is stuff to do besides just sitting around and hugging and kissing and doing non-stop "baby talk."...I think it helps to have a realistic view about marriage versus expecting married life to be about love, love, love and more love (and romance galore) day and night...Don't you?

Good for you for taking time out to "find yourself" again before you started dating new men...I had a quickie 2nd marriage that didn't even last a year after I divorced my 1st husband...After that I waited 12 years before I was ready to commit to someone new....But the 3rd time was definitely the "charm" for me and the marriage that lasted.

I think I get scared-off when guys send me introductory emails and call me "sweetheart" or "beautiful" (or terms like this) right off the bat because it reminds me of romance novels...I don't want to feel obligated to play a role in someone's "love drama." How do you feel about it?...I feel safer when men just "talk straight." And don't hint at love or romance when they first approach me.

Yuk! No clingy and needy for me either!...I think relationships work best when each partner has a measure of self-sufficiency...When both partners can think "independent thoughts" and come up with novel ideas on their own...Yet they enjoy working together as a team and don't get caught-up in silly and needless games...Or heavy-duty competition. What do you think? Thanks for all you've shared.

I never expected to lose my husband and both my sons within a few short years...I never expected that they would all die so young...And I'm the last one "left."...Right now I don't have plans for the future yet. Just taking things day by day for now...Before I can make plans I have to reinvent myself and figure out "who I am" today (minus my family) and decide what I might like or want for myself...I feel like Humpty Dumpty right now and I'm in "pieces."...What "pieces" do I want to keep? And which "pieces" should I discard because they don't apply to my current life or fit me anymore?...No one expects to suddenly lose their entire family. It's unthinkable...And I certainly didn't expect to lose both of my kids too...It just takes time to absorb all of it and get through the grief and make plans for a new life on my own.

Looking back I can see that I definitely got caught-up in the "prince charming" stuff when I married my first husband...Of course I was only 18 at the time and "green" behind my ears...He presented himself as my "rescuer." ("Knight in shining armor!") And I was anxious to leave home at the time since my family had ongoing problems back then...But everything changed when the "honeymoon phase" was over and I sure felt disappointed...I had a lot of lessons to learn about love and relationships during my younger years. (Lessons learned the "hard way!")...When I met my "last" husband (later in life) I wasn't looking for someone to "rescue me.".. I was looking for a best friend and companion and someone to "enjoy."

I enjoy being entertained...My husband did a great Tom Jones impersonation that always cracked me up...And he could reach high notes (with a little crackling) on songs...My husband and I both loved to dance and we went out and "danced the night away" quite often...Once in awhile we'd even dance down the aisle in the supermarket if a song came on that we liked. (And the aisle was empty at the time!)...Sometimes we pretended that we were in musicals and broke out in "song and dance" wherever we were...It was fun. We all loved to get silly and "nutty" at times. (My sons too!)...My younger son did fantastic voice impersonations. And my older son had a great "Latin lover" skit and routine that always made me laugh...My husband and I could sit and have super interesting discussions about every topic imaginable...But we always made time for fun and play too and a little spontaneous (and unexpected) romance once in awhile. Life was full of surprises!...I sure miss everyone! Now I sing and dance and "get nutty" with the cats once in awhile just to avoid getting bored.

Thanks...I've sure enjoyed your posts and threads. And I enjoy getting to know you too...I enjoy your "active mind" and unlimited curiosity...Mostly I'm a loner. It's just me here with the 2 cats I have left. My son died in September. And one of my son's cats died 2 weeks later...Then one of my cats died last month...I don't see people all the time. My close-close friends live far away now...The widower and I are going to have lunch out on Valentine's Day strictly as friends...He's not over losing his beloved wife yet and I still have grief to work through over losing my husband and both my sons.

Great post...I know some women who are super-super tough and macho yet they love to read romance novels in their spare time. Go figure...These women complain about their husbands a lot. But the truth is they hardly ever let their husbands see their "softer sides." They act tough and macho most of the time so how can they expect their husbands to ever feel romantic towards them?

I like the part about "feeling content and at ease at home with your partner." This says it all for me. And this is what I used to have with my husband for nearly 25 years. (Until he passed away. Sad!)...Love doesn't have to be about fireworks and roses and sipping champagne day and night.. Or "hoochie-goochie" 24/7...I agree with you...Love is about having peace and feeling loved and "loving back" in simple and quiet ways.