Sorry that you had to choose between your Mom and Dad. And sorry your Mom "turned" on you and divorced you too. What was it like when you reunited later in life?...My Mom and Dad were successful when it came to creating an equal marriage way back in the 40's and 50's. (Before the woman's revolution movement.)...It's what they both wanted. Guess they were both on the androgynous side too.

Thanks for sharing...This is why I'm uncomfortable around men who do a lot of flirting...I don't fool myself into thinking it's just "about me." I know they have a tendency to "turn on the charm" with nearly every woman they encounter...It's all part of their personna and identity...I prefer to be around modest and humble "straight talking" kind of men...But this is just me. I enjoy playing...Everything doesn't has to be super-serious all the time. But I get "spooked" if a man flirts with me excessively right off the bat. And it's obvious (to me) that we really don't have much in common...Sorry about what happened with your ex.

Little more...I think some women may copy the behavior of their mothers when it comes to "nit-picking" and never being "satisfied."...If a daughter takes the opposite approach and professes to be happy with her husband this could be taken as a sign of "disloyalty" to the mother...I think my Mom struggled with some of this...My Grandma was a "never satisfied" kind of woman due to "old issues" with her dad and mom from the past...She had a grudge against "all men" including her husband...It made it hard for my Mom to "appear" happy with my Dad because my Grandma expected her daughters to follow in her footsteps. (To prove their love and loyalty to her.)...Anyway I know it was a struggle for my Mom at times. She ran into "divided loyalties."

AthenaRose..I read your earlier post about your parents. My husband's first wife could be demanding and on the "materialistic" side..It sounds like she could be a "nit-picker" and demeaning at times too..She wasn't always the "best match" for my husband because she was more of a traditional woman and my husband was more androgynous...Their differences didn't show-up until later on when he wanted to cook more often and enter her so-called "turf" and "territory" in the home...She didn't want to "share" or do any "cross-overs." And this is when the "nit-picking" started-up...She didn't want any changes to the "existing order." And this led to conflicts.

I think the greatest "gift" a man can give to his children is "healing" his past relationships with the opposite sex...This might involve "old issues" with his mother or sisters...And other relationships in the past that "went sour" and ended badly...Kids need good role models and "tips" about how to resolve problems in relationships in healthy and constructive ways...This is how I feel anyway. Parents are "teachers." Our kids learn about all aspects of life from us.

There isn't a lot of flirting going on where I live...And men and women tend to "talk straight" to each other... Or play and tease each other as "buddies." (Without reference to gender.)...Any compliments that are handed-out are pretty "basic." For example one of my male neighbors called me a "hard worker" the other day because I've been hauling a lot of boxes lately. (I'm selling leftover stock from our stores to a friend who still has a store in the area.)...Everything is pretty low-key...If a man or woman is dressed-up more than normal someone might tell them they look "nice" but no one would use "lavish terms." (Like beautiful or handsome or stunning or gorgeous etc.)...The culture is pretty low-key. Every now and then someone from a different culture comes into town and they are more talkative or boisterous or "flowery" and they "stick-out.".. Locals know right off the bat that they are "strangers" from someplace else...I don't think one culture is better or above any other culture...It's just a matter of what we've become "used to" from living in a particular region...I'm not used to "lavish" compliments about my "looks" or "lavish" compliments in general...I'm not used to flirting. Or compliments that reference my gender so I don't know what to make of them and can get embarrassed.

I played and flirted at times with my husband and it was fun and felt natural...We had our own special language and ways...But I'm not a "natural flirt" with everyone...Guess we're all different...It's fun to watch others play and flirt...Go for it!

My husband and I tried to listen when it came to each other's preferences....I'll never forget the day my husband decided to point out how dust can accumulate in cupboards...He was really cute and sweet and asked if I had "a minute" and I said "sure."...He explained (and showed me) how dust can accumulate in the cupboards when the doors are left open...We live in the desert and had a lot of dust-storms during that period...The kitchen sat at the front of the house near the door...Anyway my husband was sweet and tender when he pointed it all out to me and I had a chance to see the dust for myself...I was shocked! And sorry for leaving the cupboard doors open most of the time...My husband was the one who did most of the shopping so he'd been noticing more and more dust when he put things away in our "pantry" cupboards. He never got mad or upset...He was cute!...And I apologized for being oblivious to the dust...After that I always made sure I closed the doors and went the extra mile to keep the cupboards cleaner....I appreciated the way my husband brought it to my attention. He was cute and sweet about it!...We tried to handle things in caring and friendly ways.

Yum!

I'm friendly and can even be playful but I'm not into flirting. I enjoy friendly and witty men with a sense of humor but I don't do well with obvious flirts...Guess I tend to be more androgynous so the heavy male/female "stuff" doesn't work too well with me...And I wouldn't want to give a man the wrong impression about my intentions by flirting...But a little joking and "play" is fun.

Sounds like we come from different cultures.

My Dad always said that "two heads" or "three heads" are better than "one.".. He said this all the time and over and over again when I was growing-up and it definitely stuck in my head...My husband felt the same way and we both had input when decisions had to be made. We just tossed out ideas and insights and "went" with the ideas or solutions that seemed the best to both of us.

I agree! And men who dust and vacuum and "strut their stuff" on the carpet make my heart flip-flop!

It may be hard for people who grew-up in traditional homes to imagine not having a definite "head of the household."....Where it's hard for me to imagine the need for having a "head."...I grew-up during the 50's and early 60's but my Dad still cooked and did "house stuff." And my Mom had a lot of mechanical skills...Both my parents had input in decision-making...We didn't really have "one head." And my parents asked for my input and ideas too when it came to some decisions. I wasn't kept out of the "loop" just because I was young...We all pulled together as a "team" and had "brainstorming sessions" as a family to solve problems or make decisions.

When I stood back and watched my husband "play chef" and "go to town" in the kitchen he was "super sexy" to me...He invented new recipes on a regular basis for various cookbooks that he planned to publish someday...I got "turned-on" when he played Dixieland Jazz to clean house...He was just so darn cute and had his very own special ways of doing things...I agree with what you wrote in your post. We don't have to play out "stiff" and outdated roles to be sexy and appealing to each other!

Exactly...We're all unique individuals! No one should be pushed into a corner or stuffed into a "box!"...To be honest I wasn't allowed to cook or do "house stuff" when I was growing-up. I had to beg to make pudding or mash potatoes once in awhile...My parents expected me to be a "scholar" and focus all my energy on my studies and research etc...Every now and then my Dad let me work on the car with him and taught me plumbing and electrical work...My parents wanted me to have goals and dreams beyond getting married and having kids..I had a different upbringing than most girls probably have...Good that you "expanded your horizons" as you moved through life!...I was fortunate and met and married a non-conformist type of man who didn't want to be stuffed into a "box" either...We were happily married for nearly 25 years until he passed away in 2010...Sad! I sure miss him!

I never gave my husband "orders" either...The "boss stuff" might go on at work but why play it out at home too? ...My husband and I just weren't into "bossing" each other around!

Exactly! Great post!

Good post...I never tried to push my sons to get married or have kids just to please me or make me happy...I think we all operate on our own "timetable."

Years ago I hopped on a plane and traveled to a state (I'd never been to before) to meet a female "penpal" in person...My husband and I had a gift store in CA at the time. And I became friends with one of our vendors through letters and phone calls....We both felt a strong urge to meet and spend time together in-person...At the time it was easier for me to fly-out to her area so I did..We got along great and had fun together...So I'm sure I'd be open to getting together in-person with someone if I felt a strong urge and had the time and means to travel.