Any thoughts on this topic?

Good one, Cooley,keep em coming.

Does anyone know of any funny bar stories or jokes?

Thanks, peachiegirl.

Good one, Plp.

So this new bar opens and the owner can't think of a name. So he decides to name the bar after the 3rd person who walks in. It takes dosen't take long and soon the 3rd customer walks in.
The owner jumps up and walks over to the girl. “You're the 3rd person to enter my bar and I'm going to name it after you.”

“Okay,” she says, “my name is Jill.”

The owner looks her over and says, “I like your legs so I'm going to name the bar 'Jill's Legs'”

The next day a bum is sitting outside the bar and a cop askes him what he's doing. He answers, “Waiting for Jill's Legs to open so I can get a drink

you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK ... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior
AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior

IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...they are called managers.

I feel the same way that Tom does. My jokes, funny stories, his jokes, funny stories, Cooley's funny stories or jokes, or whoever posts a joke, it just posting them to so that they can be read by others and blow off steam. It is bad enought that we have to live in a cold, cruel world, and when we come home and come to this thread of Jokes, I can tell you, I get a lot of laughs and that is what counts.

Sure some of the funny stories and Jokes are reposted, but what is important here is:" they are here for everyone's enjoyment. If someone is offended by a joke, then they are.

I was sent a nasty email because of one my jokes, but that is ok, I reported that person and all I have to say is" keep those jokes and funny stories coming, folks.

Your jokes are fun Tom, as mine are. Let the jokes and funny stories come and if someone attacks you with a nasty e mail, like I was attack with, I just report them.

Let's see who can post a good joke or story, without reposting one that was already done.

Who do you think is the best story/joke teller on this thread?

Ok. Wonderbread, I will. Ok people, we need fresh , new material.

I give myself a "9".

I will be ( the bravest) the first to see how my funny story rates. Here it is:

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?”

A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"

"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"

He just looked at her and said "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.

One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.

His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks, and the car's running?"

She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything." "Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband. "No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him" she said.

"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband. "Cake? What the hell do you think I look like, Betty Crocker?

How about we start rating the jokes and funny stories on a scale of 1-10? One being the worse and 10 being the best? Let's see is the best joke and story teller.

How true it is


Dear Heavenly Father,

I think you'd be proud of me! So far today I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, lusted, lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. Praise Your Name! I'm grateful for Your grace...

But Lord, a few minutes from now, I'm getting out of bed... From then on I'm going to need a lot MORE of Your help!

SPOTTED THRSE UMBER STICKERS ON CARS, THE OTHER DAY:

PLEASE DON’T STEAL, THE GOVERNMENT DOESN’T LIKE THE COMPETITION. “

PLEASE FOLLOW TOO CLOSELY AND REAR END MY CAR, I NEED THE EXTRA MONEY”

SPOTTED THIS SIGN ON THE PROPERTY OF A HOUSE” THIS HOUSE IS GUARDED BY SMITH AND WESSON, YOU GUESS WHICH THREE NIGHTS OF THE WEEK. “

HAS ANYONE ELSE FOUND ANY “ SPECIAL BUMBER STICKERS’

I am the sameway Sharron, after a hard day, I read all of the jokes and funny stories and they make me laugh. Beats drinking and seeing a shrink.