Dose anyone Remember what it was like then your child came back home and how he really felt about himself, even though I know I don't think i am ready for the 'coped attitude', I don't even know if that is what i am trying to say.

He has turned into this person I do not know, and this person i have not known even if he only lived 10mints away for the last 4 yrs, did not come and see me, did not come and share his time with me. even when i went through cancer, he just did not want to see me.

I still do not understand why, The cancer is gone 2005-2007. (cervical) but he effect it put on the family was devastating, if nothing else. But my son wanted nothing to do with me.

His friend that he has been living with for the last 4 yrs Chris, His mother died of cancer 2 yrs ago and left this kids with million. However it seemed like My son would have wanted to be with me but it was the opposite..

after it was all over with, I asked him last year. Why! Why did you not come and see me, why did you not help. He said because my father never allowed me to be there for you, and that when you were sick i was sent to my room. that told me to not be there for you when your sick. I want to remember you as the women you were, not the women you have become. I want to remember you as you were strong and capable. Not sick and week.

Now! i am all better and as i said, My son dose not know the women i have become.

I guess what i am seeking answer's is what really am i going to go through, I know everyone is different but the actions are normally the same.....any examples of situations you had to deal with, that i might be aware of before it happens....

Thank you, he dose have a full time job, he also as i listed he will be taking care of all his old chores, doing his laundry, sharing of the dishes and bathroom, sharing of the gardening, ect.

I know he did this to himself, He allowed it too happen, we think as parents we give are children all skills they need to go out into the world, but then we find out, they are missing 'SOCIAL' SKILLS!.

Thank you so very much. I am also requesting him to go to counseling and I will pay for it if that is needed but he dose need it.

thank you for helping me....

I will add this, when i turned 18teen after having a Gold spoon in my mouth. My Parents kicked me out... I lived in L.A. on the streets for months, I even ate out of trashcans, I had no choice, and all the friends that i spoiled in H.S. were not there for me...

I remember asking my very best friend of 5 yrs if i could borrow just 1.39 to get a hamburger at Jack in the box, and she said i had to pay her back with interest.. NO joking.. this is the girl that i took to $25.00 dinner, and took to the movies, i bought cloths for her, and just spoiled her... but the Money was gone ans so was the friends...

anyway, even through my marriage my ex could not keep a job, he liked unemployment better.. Lol so my son and daughter have been homeless 5 times.. in there life they have moved 26times.

I think that is why, I want to be there for him, because I know how hard it was for me and that was in the 80's I can only imagine now in 2009, what it is like...

But for all of you to be so kind in helping me through all of this, I can only say thank you so very much. This is the only place in my life that i do have friends, so you all mean the world to me.

Because i work 7 days a week 24hrs a day to help my kids get through college... I don't have time for life or friends..

every now and then a wonderful person will bless me with there time and I get to be happy for a while, LOL until they realize how hard i work, and long hours, maybe one day.. It will be my turn!

Thanks to everyone.

Thank you, Yes he knows by coming home that he has to help pay the bills, since he dropped out of college at his own choice, that he is required to pay back the 7k that he owes and he will have to cary at least 1 1/2 jobs to do so.

He understands that since he has been away from the house that We have all changed. And that I am not his Fathers Wife, but His Mother and Friend. There is a differences. One of the hardest things for these kids to understand is Change after a Divorce. And how Parents change they are no longer the person they were with the husband or wife. so this will be different for him... even though he saw a little of it, it has been since he has been gone that he Dose not know me any longer... only a image of what he remembers...

He knows that he will have chores in the house, and he will have his own laundry to do, he will help to maintain the landscape, mowing/weeding, he will help do dishes, ect just like you would at your own home living with your roommates... the only differences is that, Now he has support and love in a family helping him heal his broken wounds......

I am so thankful for all of you, and I do take everything you have to offer, some things you all have said. I never even considered! And will learn from them..

Thanks.......... for all the wonderful advice..

Thank you so very much, I can not tell you how many times i have been told by my own family, just let him go, let him do what he needs to do.

I did that, and his friends destroyed him. But I am so grateful that he has so much trust in me that he was brave enough to ask to come home. I am so thankful that his courage to not keep suffering and to come back to were the people love him so very much.

it is so nice to hear women and men who so care so much for there children. I needed this...

These kids now a days are not like the 50's were boys leave to come back as men. This is a rare thing.... Now they leave and society destroys them. and girls leave to be women and they also find out the hard way that all the fair tales in the world is not what life is about.

I thank you for your support, I thank you for your wisdom and encouraging words.....Julie

Its Friday, YEA!,

Ok, were to start, This weekend i am clearing out my upstairs room and my son is coming home.

He has been on his own for 4 yrs, and he has suffered so much, starving, loss of jobs, no car, walking in the rain and thunder or snow, His wonderful friends have taken so much advantage of him that in the end the friendship that my son thought was strong and stable ended up being a disappointment, and let down...

Friends are great don't get me wrong, but at the same time, they are not always there for you, but you are always there for them. My son has in the last 8 yrs learned this.

When we moved to Oklahoma from Nevada, after the divorce my kids were 17teen and 18teen... they made new friends, but sometimes boys long for a father figure, or a boy that is daring, and out going, who dose not have a care in the world. Well he found one, One who would destroy him... Sometimes these friends take it too far, This kid is so messed up in the head, he hates everything, everyone and even himself so he destroys others for fun..

All I can say is this.. I know my son is now a drunk, he dropped out of college, he cant keep a job, he is 20k in debt.. INFLUENCES'....

When a young boy listens to his friends who are young and have no life skills only hear say.. sometimes things are said to help/ but back fire and cause "one to become more hurt" in the end.

That is what happened to my Son and his 3 Best friends who though living together would be a great and wonderful experience.

Two of the boys: there mothers have died, one was a grandmother leaving them with a Fortune in a inheritance.. and Boys will promise there soul to the deval if they could. All the broken promises are just that.

The out come, is this after a total of 8 yrs and 4 yrs away from home, My son at my Request is coming home.

He is now filled of, pain, suffering, and embarrassment, shame for the things he has done that he will never tell, humiliated for what he has caused. He thinks he is a loser, he thinks he is a bad person and a weak man!...

He never wanted to return home for his Father was a Mom's boy and could not take care of his family, and matter of fact he is still with his mother and girlfriend today... His mother means more to him then his own family in the end.

So my son. Well he is scared, to not be like his father, He wanted to be a Man, "do it himself", be like his mother (me)I am a Fighter, Since i have never returned home, i never asked my parents for anything I have done it all on my own. [P.s. my ex's mother was a mommy girl she also lived with her mother after her divorce and always relied on her for income]..... Teach a child! they grow up to be that way also.

But what counts is this, Most will tell me, don't let him back, but in this day and age, Kids are lost through the disasters in life, And I as a mother love my so unconditionally that! I am willing to take full responsibility for my child's actions. and Give him a "New start".

His sister who is married, with child, both live with me so they can go to college full time and work full time so they can give there child a great future.

We all work together, we all pay the bills no one dose more then there share. We all cook and clean, and take care of my grandchild.

This is the "new world" we were to look forward too in the 60'-70', when not even a Man can start "to be a man" because society destroys them before they are 23yrs old.

If you have a adult child at home, I honor you for doing the right thing, I know it is hard but what really counts is that you love your child so much you are willing to help them "start over"..

Amen... Julie

I wish you all the very very best.

I started when i was 14teen yrs old.
off and on, then i got married and "craved". LOL

I quit for my daughter who asked me "who her hero would be"!, if the Actors and Actress, the Hero's of today and even the Teachers can not be looked up to. Then who can she look up to? ( The Dare Program ). 1994. Taught my Daughter Never to smoke or drink or do DD... I am very thankful for them. She is now 25yrs old.

On Halloween 1994 at 7:03pm I quit Drinking "Black Velvet", and Quit smoking!..

How ever Smoking? that I did not stop (stress)..

But When I Found out my husband of 18yrs was leaving me, I stood up and took my life back!

I quit smoking 1998. I thought after all these years it would be so hard! but it was not.

Even when my mind tried to tell me I needed that cig, I taught myself to say. "NO"! YOU can not Control me!! It worked, I started to Control my actions and what I wanted out of my life.

However I did do one thing, I would buy 3 bags of Equate throat lousangers ever month, I put them in my Car astray, i had them in my house all over, the bathroom, the night stand, kitchen table, were ever i placed my astray, I cleaned all of them and then filled them all up with the candy.

Did i gain weigh, NO! because the throat lousangers kept me from eating.

I did for the sake of myself, quit drinking Pepsi or soft drinks I found out real fast they went side by side..... and when i had a soft drink i craved a cig... so i stopped all soft drinks.

I even went off of Coffee, Yep the most hardest thing of them all since i have been drinking it since i was 3 yrs old and that is not a joke. It calms hyperactive kids back in the 60's..

I did not restart this until 2004. I still do not drink any Pepsi, or soft drinks. and 2 yrs ago i stop needing. the Throat loungers.

My kids never have asthma attacks and have not 'for over 10yrs'.

My lungs on the extra's have completely healed up.

but the best thing is this. The doctors have to ask me now. Have you ever smoked a day in your life> I say.. Yes i did, they said there is not even a trace of it.

Now that is amazing for a women who smoked 3 packs a day!

God bless you, I know you can do it! and remember "the greatest gift" your doing it because 'you Love your self' more. YOUR doing it because YOU care about YOUR SELF.

Hi, Everyone! I was sent this site and so far I like it! better then POF. or Myspace even Facebook. I shut all those sites down!

I have been here for a few weeks and just checking out the community.

So far only wonderful, respectful people.

Im just a Women, Single Mother who has adult kids putting them through college here at OSU Oklahoma.

I have a wonderful grandchild I take care of 24/24 while my adult kids go full time work and college.

I run a in home childcare so I can pay mortgage and bills..While my kids pay the car insurance and the house bills, food ect. We all work together to make there dreams come true...

It is funny, It use to be in the 50's a Father went to work, the wife stayed home, and kids got a education.

then in the 80's it became Both parents worked and kids got a education.

Now in 2009, it takes Both Divorced parents to pay different housings different states and life's, The kids to go to work and help pay bills and insurances, college bills ect.

I wonder what is next.. will we start 15teen yr old's forcing them to go to work, and pay the mortgage while Parents go out and get College degree's??????? Could be, Could be.

Still at home have been for 26 yrs, Husband ran off with his girlfriend over 12yrs ago leaving me a single parent.

and it is my honor to be the Strong Women to help her kids achieve there goals.

Are there any Grandparents out there helping there kids and grand kids make a future for themselves?????

if so.. Lets talk....... I would love to know you!

Joy just seemed to elude me.
it was always for someone else
Until our two paths crossed.
I was certain it would be that way forever
Loneliness was simply a part
of every day life.
Indifference filled my nights, as each
became a carbon copy of the one before
Each time, now, that i think of you,
I find myself lost in thought, and
A warmth envelops me.
hugging me close in contented and
Nurturing love from you.
where there was emptiness, peace and love
Now surrounds my heart,
and I smile
Magic are the times we spend
together, as we grow closer still..
Amore' fills my soul and desires
burn within me.. I find myself
Reaching out my hands to you,
yearning for the pleasures your touch brings
In you, I've found what my heart
has Searched for
Eternity within your embraces,
my arms cradling you
Safely, warmly, with all
that I have to give
My prayers have been answered
The Lord has granted them through you
In each and every way possible,
Ive been shaved by you
These feelings continue to grow, and
I feel the ble3ssings He has bestowed
heaven has found a place here on earth
and that place is by your side.

What did i find out about my self.
I was so seeking for a person to love me so much i did not realize i was not loving them in return, i was giving and giving but never truly allowing them to love me so I could not love them.

when I learn that allowing a person to love you is more important then thinking you are to love them.. That is the how it works..

you Must allow them to love you the way thy know how, and let them give to you the way they understand love, for we are all different and we can not perceive anyone to be just like us. We might give 180% but they might not understand how to do that, all they can bring to the table is 80% and you have to allow there %% to count in your life, if not then you have no one in your life.

Knowing how to let others love you is the Key!

I am a Single Mother who has been putting her kids though college for 7 yrs now and still have at least 3 more years to go.

My wonderful children, I gave them 12 yrs of my life to go to college and finish, get a degree.

My daughter fell in love got married, Well baby makes 3. Three Now live with me full time.

My Son he is still in college.

So I stay home with the grandchild, run a full time childcare center, to help pay for the mortgage and bills, while my daughter and Son in law work full time jobs, and college full time. also my son. They pay for all the car insurance, food, house bills, ect

Is any one even close to going through any of this at 47yrs old. Or Am I the only one?

Please if you have your adult kids in college! are you helping them out? and there family's?, are they living with you full time?.

And how do you handle your Relationships with your partner.

I have had 3 come and go, it is too much for them.

I am only one person, doing a "life span of Goodness" for everyone.

Dreams do come true if you really work together and we all are.

still looking for my soul mate.

I am honored to be 47yrs old.

I was my Parents Mothers day gift in 1962,

The funny things is I have spent my life being the best mother I can be, not only to my kids but there friends and any child that need help.

I am a true mother, I run a day care and I love it. I watch 10 kids I work from 10:30pm to 4 am for a parent with 4 kids

Then when she leaves the next one comes in at 4:20am to 2pm who also has 4 kids.

and so on... I work basically from 10:30pm to 7:30pm the next day, 7 days a week..

I would not change being 47 for nothing, My kids are just about out of college just another 2 more or so years to go..

my Grandchild will be starting Kg in 3 yrs and well...

When the 50's come, I will get some "down time for myself", I will get to go and do all the things all of you take for granted.. but love so much.

I am lucky if i get to go out every 3 month when someone dose not show up. LOL

Be so Thankful, you have no Idea how Lucky all you are...

I will be a old maid! LOL by the time I get to be a Kid again! run and play, and do all the fun things you all get to do NOW!

LOL The women in the shoe...

P.s. I would never want to be young again, that would mean I would have to do this all over again.. NO thanks. once is enough.

When my Mother had a heart attack, I went on Face book to tell all my Cousins, and Aunts/Uncles.

Everything was going great, I had everyone joining each other, was having a blast.. for a few months.

But then! It happened.. The family War! Who would have seen this coming.

Come to find out my Grandmother gave me Family Photo book. Which then means NO one else had these pictures.

All of a sudden These family members that i have not seen in over 30/35yrs started telling me I have to give them there pictures.

If i would have taken out all the original pictures my book would be empty.. and Yes i could have made copy's but this book is hand made with leather. all the pic were glued in on both sides so to take a picture out it would affect the other one on the back side.

Anyway, I paid for trying to get to know my Mothers Family, NO Wonder she kept me away from them all.

Then i found this place and I have been very happy.

Face Book can bring a family together it can also Make a Family war!