you choose the one who likes you better, if you choose the one that you are more into and if she's not as into you then she will always have power in that relationship, if you choose the one that you find attractive but she is more into you than you are into her slightly you are going to be the one with the power in that relationship. it's very sad that it's like that but that's how it goes.

well some women would have to, but yes its only in extreme cases.

Actually statistically it's the reverse. because most people are scared to rawdoawg a pro, and a pro knows it's a risky job so they often demand you use protection, while the drunk girl at the bar is getting nailed every night often unprotected by whoever bought her the last drink..

Speak for yourself, I've gotten sex simply because some girl I just met at the mall was bored with nothing better to do and my apartment was up the street from said mail, granted that stopped happening in my early 20's but it still happened at no cost to me lol

Ahh I miss being young so much lol.

Someone said this should be a separate thread so here goes.

one of the things that frustrates me about single life is when well meaning people say cold hearted things like "just move on" " there are plenty of fish in the sea" or theirs millions of women out there.


No there are not millions of women out there for every guy.
I live in a big city (17th largest in America) we have a population of 854,113 souls living here in my city proper, sounds like a big number right?

well since I'm a straight male only just under half of those are women(slightly higher male population here) so lets say 400,000 or so are female, that still seems a big number? okay lets say 1/3 of that number is children since boomers are still the largest population and and those born after 2000 are a close second.
Well that leaves about 266,666 still a lot to work with right? okay, how many of those left are too old(and if you are a senior reverse it for still too young)? Now as far as age I will as a rule of thumb go about 15 years either direction, may push it to 25 depending on maturity if younger or how well they stayed in shape if older. their goes another half, so now we are at 133,333 well there is still a lot to work with right?

But wait, how many of those women are married or in a relationship? statistically around 50.2% of adults are married and factor in those who are living together or currently in relationships it's most likely closer to 70%, so that leaves 39,999 okay of that how many don't have young children living with them?
Well According to the U.S. Census Bureau's Population Survey, in 2014, 47.6 percent of women between age 15 and 44 had never had children(I went back 3 years for this stat because the 15's are 18 now and the 44 is now 47 so it seems less creepy). so lets say 30% of 39,999 have children under 13?

Remove them and 27,999 is whats left. now out of that how many are going to be your type? in other words have the mix of hobbies and interests that you are also into? what if the things you are into are not in the mainstream or not popular among the opposite sex? what if most of the stuff you enjoy only 10% of the opposite sex are into and unless you only have 1 interests maybe 2% of your pool may share all or at least most of them. now you are down to 559.98 ok still a big number or seems so though that number may be false because how many of that 559 were really eliminated in one of the earlier deductions for already being in a relationship? because before now I was speaking simple of raw numbers of women, narrowing down by the basics, saving specifics for last so again over half of that number may not be single at the same time you are, plus half of that may have already been struck out having young children. so so now your down to 139, of them how many have you, a friend or family member already dated? when I go on dating sites and use my custom search I am seeing the same women over and over on all the apps and sites with maybe a few new ones every several months. in the last 17 years I have talked to 100 or so gone out with half that so subtract that and you have 89 all the way down from 854,113, 89 that I would have to find just one of them in a sea of 400,000 women in a radius of 349.2 square miles.

So you see when one finds what he is looking for or at least most of it, someone he would not have to change, it's hard to just move on because it means back to the grueling search.

The reason you are getting a lot of 49 year olds messaging you is because most 35-55 women(fresh out of divorce or kids fresh out of the house) don't want relationships and you do plus you look GREAT especially considering you are 68. I'm 48 and most women my age I meet want "casual dating/ nothing serious"

The men you describe are not really relationship material if they view a relationship as "losing their freedom", problem is that most men who won't "head for the hills" if he see's that her end goal is marriage or long-term are often the same men who suffer from a [bold]chronically empty in-box.[/bold]
Where do you think all the incel's come from?
There is a saying among MGTOW's and MRA's aimed at those they view as flaky within the movement, it something like "he's 3 BJ's away from leaving the moment(my guess is it takes 3 cause the first 2 could have been flukes or dumb luck, right time right place,she had one too many, she caught her boyfriend cheating earlier that day, etc etc etc....)" truth be told that accounts for 90% of them.

For many men they see "seeking marriage/long term" as meaning it will be less like ice skating uphill if that's his end goal also.

If a woman says "casual dating, nothing serious" I will take them at their word as it will most likely be a waste of time and nothing will come of it and it will only end in tears.

another culture, really?

So basically cities best for women are the ones hardest on men lol.

BTW you kinda look like many of my relatives on my dads side of the family. any Fountaines, Tibidos or Lovettes in your family?

Okay I know that there are some people that will do well no matter where they live, if you are conventionally attractive, successful, have universal social skills, actually enjoy the stress of social settings, etc, etc, etc


But for many of us location makes a huge difference, if you are a 40+ year old stoner neohippy dude you will do MUCH better in Seattle, San Francisco, Portland, Athens Georgia, Boulder etc etc... than you will in most mid-sized cities in the midwest. If you are a woman who is very attractive but slightly on the chubby side you will do well anywhere in the country except So-Cal or Miami(heard many women say those places crushed their self esteem). often it comes down to some area's have more people of your tribe(social group), other times it's a shortage of people in your situation.

Examples:
In a city that's having a meth epidemic, being one of the few guys/gals not hooked on meth gives you extra points.

In a small city with a higher than average percentage of single mothers, the few child free women are on every guy in towns radar.


A small former factory town or tourist towns where women drastically outnumber men, the few single guys left have their pick. same goes in reverse for small towns with a nearby military base or current factory towns that are extremely man heavy.



A city with a high cost of living(no real middle class), a broke guy does not have as hard a time getting a girlfriend because his competition is either just as broke as him(or atleast appears that way until you dig deeper), or is super picky thereby freeing up more of the dating pool.



Have no car as a guy in San Francisco, NYC no problem, no car in Cleveland, Detroit,chicago, Seattle, it's just a mild hurtle to dating, no car in Dallas, Tulsa, Savanna, or any of the urban sprawled cities of the south? 80% of your sexlife will be internet porn or CallGirls. (women not having a car has little effect of their dating no matter where they live).



For those of you who have traveled where were the best and worst places for dating and why?

That mentality always baffles me, is the "looking for:" part of the profile not for the purpose of seeking out people who have the same endgame in mind? if someone says "just friends" most would assume that's all they want and if they seek more they know not to waste their time. Someone says "casual fling" they are also stating their "endgame" is it okay for people who are seeking every type of relationship except for marriage/longterm to state their "endgame"?

Meaning say you come across a dating profile that draws you in, they seem to have many things in common with you, same likes, interests, political views, taste in music/movies, similar hobbies etc etc..

There photos seem up to date and you find them attractive etc etc
Every thing seems perfect until you run across one thing that ruins it in your eyes,
something mentioned in their about me: (usually mentioned somewhere towards the end).

Or something in their stats that is a deal breaker for you.

Or something in the settings of some or most of their photos gives you pause.

A few examples for me are:

1. if I see in there stats they are looking for "just friends" or "casual dating/just dating nothing serious/no commitment( different sites/apps word it differently)"

2. if I see in their stats they have a job/career that traditionally does not allow much time for a relationship, typically jobs that keep them away a lot where they either have to do a lot of traveling or just plain long hours. I prefer women who clock out after 8 hours so we can hang out more.

3. If I see in their stats they have young children at home.

4. If every other photo in their profile is them in a bar getting toasted(not the girl you take home to mom).

5. If every other photo is of here in front of a different exotic landmark(and the timestamps span only a few years most recent being a few months ago), I'm thinking this girl will have me broke or sitting home alone most of the time. (I've traveled a lot also but my timestamps would average 5 - 10 years apart as an adult. and since I was a military brat growing up most would be childhood photos lol).

Went to a "singles relationship workshop" it was a self help deal for people who are having a hard time meeting the right people and so forth, I figured what the hell, maybe there would be women who were looking for something serious and have had bad luck like me,
it turned out to be a complete waste of time. When I walked in I was a bit happy and excited, the other guys there were exactly what you would think of for a crowd of unlucky in love guys, I know I'm not the best looking guy in town but if graded on a curve in that crowd I figured Maybe to-nite I'll do well, I was only one of 4 black guys there and I swear one looked like a real life version of "Cleveland" from that "Family Guy" cartoon. And I was getting alot of positive nonverbal ques early on, and even got approached and flirted with. but in conversation it turned out MOST of the ladies there had young kids at home or were workaholics or just sad such busy lives within minutes of conversation I realized they would not have time for a relationship. One lady seemed really great hit it off in convo instantly, her kids were grown and moved out, turns out we live damn near walking distance so we exchanged numbers talked about a time to meet up and hang out, turns out she would be back in town for 3 days a month from now.... turns out she drives a truck and is only home 1 - 2 weekends a month..... well so much for that .

But anyway the subject of this post is one lady that on her turn to speak said her main problem in dating is she keeps meeting guys who start out great and seem normal and a month or so in they become all needy & clingy like some sort of bait&switch... now when people started asking about the most recent time this happened to her trying to establish if there were any clues she should look for in the future it became clear that she starts off her relationships spending most of her free time with that guy then once she starts feeling comfortable she starts pulling back and doing her own thing and trying to fit him in to any blank spots in her schedule and she then gets surprised when some guy want's to monopolize all her free time WHEN SHE GOT HIM USED TO THAT IN THE BEGINNING!!!!!! A few of us pointed that out to her and she looked at us like we all just grew a penis on our foreheads. She then says "of course you spend most of your free time together at first, because you are getting to know each other, but then when you know your a match you get back to the things you have been neglecting, everyone knows that".

Well obviously not.... Basically she meets these guys she shows them a great relationship demo trial and the actual relationship turns out to be weaksauce in comparison But she feels she is the one who got bait&switched? basically he did not change the script SHE DID!!!

Do either of you find yourselves or have ever found yourself in that mess? I have many times, why don't people show their true selves in the beginning to save time?

ummm let me guess you have been cheated on alot and when you found out you also found out it had been going on awhile and everyone one knew EXCEPT you.

Yes there are some who plan to take advantage of the fact that there are those feeling more lonely during the holidays. but not all of them are scammers and con-men/women.

Some of them are the people who are alone the rest of the year.
They are hoping to get the chance to be with someone who they would not have a shot with during the rest of the year.

Most of the times those relationships end horribly, but once in a bluemoon such a relationship ends up being long-term or even life long(because on rare occasions higher league person realizes they actually really like the other person once they gave him/her a chance that they normally would not have.

That would leave me out houses on my street are about 20 feet apart lol. it's a 2 bedroom that was built in 1955.

Every part, i have a thing for tatted women.

Yep that one pops up even when you live in the same city, the old "who moves into who's place" argument. if both people are renting it's easier as they just get a place together when both of their leases are up.

But if they both own homes usually one get's lived in and one gets used as a rent house for extra money(but which one?)

Problem is distance is important to me for many reasons because of the crappy traffic in my area 20 miles at certain times can take hours, thats less time we can spend together unless we only spend weekends but to me that feels like mere FWB.

also public transportation sucks around here(buses don't go to the burbs), even though I have a car I always factor stuff like that in just in case one day my car dies how we will see each other until I save up to either get it fixed or buy a new one.

You may have a point there, I'm a diehard socialist who lives in a red state (though my city is blue).

I'm an atheist in Texas, a state where you can't walk 8 blocks without passing a church and in lower income area's(my dating pool cause Texas women tend to be materialistic and a guy has to be doin atleast a little bit better than they are to be viewed as worth dating)there is a church every 400 yards or so.