Meaning say you come across a dating profile that draws you in, they seem to have many things in common with you, same likes, interests, political views, taste in music/movies, similar hobbies etc etc..

There photos seem up to date and you find them attractive etc etc
Every thing seems perfect until you run across one thing that ruins it in your eyes,
something mentioned in their about me: (usually mentioned somewhere towards the end).

Or something in their stats that is a deal breaker for you.

Or something in the settings of some or most of their photos gives you pause.

A few examples for me are:

1. if I see in there stats they are looking for "just friends" or "casual dating/just dating nothing serious/no commitment( different sites/apps word it differently)"

2. if I see in their stats they have a job/career that traditionally does not allow much time for a relationship, typically jobs that keep them away a lot where they either have to do a lot of traveling or just plain long hours. I prefer women who clock out after 8 hours so we can hang out more.

3. If I see in their stats they have young children at home.

4. If every other photo in their profile is them in a bar getting toasted(not the girl you take home to mom).

5. If every other photo is of here in front of a different exotic landmark(and the timestamps span only a few years most recent being a few months ago), I'm thinking this girl will have me broke or sitting home alone most of the time. (I've traveled a lot also but my timestamps would average 5 - 10 years apart as an adult. and since I was a military brat growing up most would be childhood photos lol).

Not sure I understand the question?

I see profiles (not on here) all the time that I go..."great...yay...."..
Until.....

"seeking marriage", guarantees i'll avoid contact
with that profile.

Sure! Alot of people wish they could be married
again. Or, even married for the first time.

While marriage, may be the endgame plan.
"seeking marriage" among random strangers,
kinda puts the horse before the cart.


Aside from that, ^^^ i tend to grade profiles for originality,
spelling, grammar, punctuation, use of paragraphs,
syntax, and context.

I’m not interested if their profile says:

They are Looking for anything other than a relationship which does not mean marriage to me

They live more than an hour away

They drink a lot or do drugs

They are shorter than me

They are looking for slim or athletic woman

That’s all that comes to mind right now

When they say they are "God fearing". No thanks.

That mentality always baffles me, is the "looking for:" part of the profile not for the purpose of seeking out people who have the same endgame in mind? if someone says "just friends" most would assume that's all they want and if they seek more they know not to waste their time. Someone says "casual fling" they are also stating their "endgame" is it okay for people who are seeking every type of relationship except for marriage/longterm to state their "endgame"?

I pass over profiles that say :

Intimate encounters
Separated men/ married
Drinker/smoker
Young guys

Well...
Putting the horse before the cart,
is a mentality of piss poor planning that baffles me.

LOL


There's a whole list of things that stop my interest and to list all of them would be impossible.

There are some that stand out more than others...

> Terrible spelling or grammar (I can deal with a typo or a common misspelled word but when most of the written profile is gibberish or text speak - no thanx.

> Photos that obviously do not match their age. Photos of celebrities are a given but the ones that are them (obviously because they appear in more than two) but their age is 52 and they look 22 - no thanx.

> Main photos with their kids, grandkids or anyone else. The profile owner IS THE FOCUS and that profile should reflect that.

> Any written blurb that focuses on prevention of contact. Don't contact me if... I'm only here for... No thanx.

> Any profile that states someone else wrote it, made them open an account or are here for any other reason besides trying to meet someone new - no thanx.

> Interests that are sentences. Interests are intended as keywords. If you notice, they are links. They are links because you can search profiles by interest (keyword). Likewise, interests that are too general to give any meaningful results, ...or match with you, for basically the same reason.
Load a profile and click on one of the interests and see what you get.
Like "Movies" is a general keyword but "Action Movies" gives you more refined results (and matches).

> Any profile where they "are Looking for love" "Looking for marriage" "Needing or wanting to be happy" or any wording that suggests they have no idea how to handle emotions or commitments.

Like I already stated, there are thousands of turn-off profile details and I've seen many.

But... When I decline a profile it makes it that much easier to weed out the ones that won't work which makes me concentrate on the ones that are well-made. Separating the grain and the chaff is what I like to call it. Sure, there is a lot less to choose from but why waste time with the ones that won't work.

Tom4Uhere..

I do have to relate something odd that happened twice..

When I had on my profile (on another site, way before i found this one).."dating" or "long term"...I had a couple of replies from guys I had messsaged saying they weren't looking for just dating perpetually..they were looking for something more serious, thanks but not interested.
(because *their* profile said "would like to get married"...

Now, some may say they were grasping for a reason to say they weren't interested..
That's bulls**t.

They could have simply just said "not interested", or, as so many default to...not reply...

So, after giving that some thought, and thinking "yeah, maybe it does deter guys who want something more than just to date"..
I changed it...

Because that is what I would ~ultimsately~ like to do....
I do not want to date someone for years....
If that is what someone *else* wants?
That's fine..I'm nit going to tell you not to, or you are wrong...

For those who are dense, or a bit slow...wanting to get married eventually does NOT mean after 2-3 dates or there is a set time for that...not at all.

It is about someone's ultimate intentions.
If they are one of those that don't ever want to be married again..then I *and* they know not to waste our respective times on each other...
Simple.

It triggers the fear to lose their freedom. Almost every man has got that fear. So if you state that that is what you want in the end, most freak out and run for the hills.
A smart woman does not put that in her profile, not even if that is what she wants or needs in order to be happy. Men need more time to get to a feeling of even wanting to entertain the thought of getting married (again).
It is also the old and still valid thing that the man has to steer where the relationship is going, not the woman. Unless the man is feminine energy and the woman masculine energy.

So like Rock says, it's the woman putting the horse before the cart while it is a man's 'job' to do that. Men almost always need more time for such things than a woman, even when he knows he wants to spend his life with her.
If a woman allows this time and can allow things to simply unfold, a man can come to the decision himself. It happens quite regularly that a man who's said "I'm NEVER going to get married (again)!!" suddenly wants to marry his new woman. But I'm quite sure in those cases the woman did NOT push for that.

Hell yes! Run for the hills!!

Adepting JBH"s post

I’m not interested if:

They are Looking for anything other than a committed relationship

They state they absolutely never want to get married again

They live more than 2 hours away

They are shorter than me

They are looking for slim or athletic woman

They want a woman with long hair

They demand that I do sports, I like to decide for myself what I want to do

They are from another culture

They are much older or younger

They look miserable & negative

Their profile exudes negativity (not happy, lonely etc)

They're overweight

They're into dogs

They're into fishing

No open mind concerning spirituality/energywork/crystals etc.

another culture, really?

Women seem to have a difficult time with men on dating sites.
I'm sorry y'all have to go thru that.

I can also understand the frustration of someone that is afraid to commit to a relationship. Its not a male/female dominated thing.

Committing to a relationship requires dedication and commitment and most people online are afraid to commit or dedicate themselves in a way that requires honesty and integrity.

There are a few that do and that is why I think we keep looking.
The problem seems to be that we get jaded by the shallow and lose focus on the important things which motivated us in the first place.

The trick is to not give power to those that are not worthy.
That's what it all boils down to, worthiness.

We all know how much or how little we put into what we are seeking.
We all know which ones will grab our attention.
The trick is to ignore the ones that don't meet our expectations and concentrate on the ones that do.

If ya can keep your focus, it does pay off in the long run.

I could list all the different ways women have fallen short of my needs but that doesn't really help. All I can say is use your own wisdom and preferences to try to make the best decision about a potential match.
When we choose poorly, we end up gaining wisdom at a price.
When we choose wisely, we end up gaining wisdom at benefit.
The trick is to use wisdom to gain benefits and ignore the wisdom that teaches us something we already know.

Is there ever going to be just the right match?
Eventually, I believe there will.
The trick is to understand if the match you are considering might be the right match or another poor decision.

Important to that consideration is to figure out if the right match is actually the right match.
To do this requires that you honestly understand yourself.
Is that match right because they are something someone else told you they should be or are they something that actually fits you?

I'm a pos.
I'm weird.
I am low-budget.
I did not come from elite heritage.

If I am seeking someone that fits my impression of myself in delusion, I will never find a match.
However, if I am looking for someone I can relate to, its pretty easy to find a match.

Now I have something to match with.
That match, if chosen wisely, helps me be all the things I want to be.

I'm not a pos.
I am imaginative.
I am money intelligent.
I create a new heritage in how I exist.

Its my interactions with that match that help me be the person I want to think I can be.
Since I control my own contentment, it is pretty easy.

So, my advice to anyone having problems finding a match...
Know yourself and find the ONE that helps you be what you wish to be.

Hahaha....funny you say that.

Regarding the first point...it amazes me the number of guys who have nothing in common with me, are totally opposite on key, core issues...but yet insist I am passing up the "right guy", and if I'd just bend a little/ lower my expectations....I'd just see how they'd be right for me.

Alrighty...why is it always *me* that needs to do the changing??
Why is it never *them*?

Because *I* sure as sh** wouldn't ask a random guy I have zero in common with and who is completely oppsite me on those key, core issues to change to suit *me*, and..by gosh..if he'd just change himself he'd see how i'd be perfect for him???

No thanks buddy...
I had two good relationships with very compatible, good guys (and am now a widow)..and who didn't ask me to change/ lower my standards.
I'll hold out for a third...

I most certainly know myself,and my worth, and what i have to offer someone.
I'd rather be alone than be with someone that makes me wish I *was* alone.

why is it always *me* that needs to do the changing??
Y'ah know, I find that a lot in the interactions I have with religious folks.
I think it is because people tend to only think of themselves.
Do what I do, do what I say, believe what I tell you to believe.
Its all Bull****crap.

One of the things I try to remember when forming a relationship with a woman is to try understand that she is different than me.
She has a different 'take' on things because she has different experiences dictating her behavior, morals and personal values.
She isn't better or worse, just different.

When she has different motivations than me, I try to consider her view on some things because I am open to new ideas that might make sense.
However, if she is radically different, overly passionate about her views, I'll pass by and look at the next possible match.

Thing is, using this method removes the majority of candidates.
It gets overwhelming sometimes but with patience and perseverance the right 'she' can be found.

One of the things I must remember is entering into a relationship with someone will change me.
It will change her too.
The trick is to find the ONE that changes me for the better.
I mean, I am willing to advance my existence thru new experiences, even when those inspirations don't originate from within me.
I want her to 'broaden' my horizons.
I expect it.

There are, however, people that demand a change and I won't tolerate those demands even when they could open new personality or personal behavior avenues.
Nobody is going to tell me who to be.

This is where choosing wisely takes control.
This is where understanding yourself is extremely important.
This is where understanding inter-personal interactions and expectations are important.

Granted, most potential matches will not work but those incompatible matches deserve no dedication and even fewer deserve my time.

Yep. Have you ever been involved with someone from another culture? Do you know what problems it can cause, misunderstandings, things you will never be able to share with one another because of cultural differences? And in some cases a language barrier as well, which is not to be underestimated.
Having been reared with completely different norms & values because of culture, and so on.

I've experienced it, with another Caucasian from another Western European country. Hadn't expected it, yet still many differences.
I had to think about the consequences of it when deeply in love with an Aboriginal, and at some other point in my life a Balinese man (Hindu).

Think of this: me hooking up with an American. Thanksgiving, Independence Day and Christmas will never mean the same to me. The first 2 mean nothing to me. It could cause problems if he would want to have a traditional Thanksgivings with his family each year.
Conversely, days / festivities that mean the world to me would mean jack to him. Such things seem superficial, but they're not when in a long term relationship.
ANd that's just talking some national holidays/festivities...
People underestimate cultural differences.

Aye. That's a wee bit scary

Bathroom selfies are not a deal breaker either.