Good Evening my lovely people of M2 shouts out to all those who posted comments and advice in my last 2 forums. We really spilled some serious Henessy with those topics. I have a new topic for my M2 family. Lets have fun. America how cool and reasonable are we really when it comes to situatuons we may not understand ? I want to throw out 2 senarios, no its not based on anyone in particular but just as more our views on over reaction & jealousy.

For my ladies......
Lets just say your guy went out with his friends for a fellas night out. They decide to go to a popular dance club. While hes out you decide to give him a night he'll never forget. You feeling sexy the cat wants to come out to play. The kids is at your mother's for the weekend and the mood is set. You been dying to wear your lace shear body lingerie with ypur signature Victoria Secret robe over it. Hours later he arrives home and you greet him with affection gesture and you grab his hand to escort him to the bedroom. He looks and tells you " not tonight honey im tired maybe tomorrow". You a little disappointed so his phone rings with a female name on his call log. Ladies whats going thru your minds? Is it innocent or you smell a rat?

For my fellas......
Lets say you came early home to suprise your lady with a romantic dinner candles lit. You brought out her favorite bottle of champagne and top things off she drew her a bubble bath with rose peddles in the water. She calls to say shes on her way home not to worry she got a ride home. Time passes a car pulls in front of ypur home and a good looking guy gets iut and opens her door. She follow with a hug.....fellas whats going on in your minds? Is this a over reaction moment or is he somrbody to worry about? Maybe its a.co worker or a distant relative you never met yet? So lets talk about it....are you jealous or would you over react?

All Replies Will Be Answered!
Thank You All
EyeAmYourHost39

EyeAmYourHost39,

Well i admit back in my 20s i probably would over react. Im 42 now and it takes a lot for me to get jealous. If it was my girlfriend getting a ride from a guy i never met well i would not over react. Maybe the guy is a male plutonic friend. Maybe he's her boss. Maybe hes her gay friend. Maybe a co worker. I would sit down with her and gently ask her who is he? Let her answer. Trust her to keep everything honest and open. Not to give her insecurity. A relationship is based on trust and if you have something special dont ruin it by misunderstandings and lack of information.

Nice topic

I have always had trust issues (with good reasons and have always been proved right unfortunately) so I used to get both jealous and overact when I was young.

Now its less jealously and more overreaction for me coz I feel my trust gets broken. I do have an issue with someone currently but I can't bring it up with him coz I don't like drama.Without clearing the air nothing can happen between us and I know if I message him, its going to start drama.

I guess overreaction basically means for me that I am too emotional and yet I feel its better to say what I feel instead of keeping quiet and letting the situation get worse over time.

As for the situation you mentioned, five years back I saw a message on my now ex bf's phone.. tried to think it was innocent when I smelled a rat..after two months turned out it was a rat lol...so now no more blind trust in anyone!!

As an older than you female, I’ve had a lot of experience in relationships.

I smell a rat. No guy would turn down his woman if she’s set the mood for some fun. The female calling is just a little more fuel on the fire. Your gut feelings are usually right. Tired or not, the man is in the doghouse.

I'm alot like donald duck.
Because i just don't give a... ...



To me, jealousy and overreaction, are the
mindset and behavior of an intellectually challenged
3rd grader.

My first thoughts are...

Why is she calling to tell me not to worry? Why does she need a ride home?

But that's not paranoia. That's because something has been left out of your description of the scenario.

For instance, does she have a car? Did it break down? Was she late in coming home? Was I supposed to pick her up from work?

These are all reasonable questions whose answers have been neglected in the scenario description.

That said, barring anything else that's unusual, I don't see anything to get jealous or to overreact about. I've had strangers give me a ride home before. I don't make a habit of it, but sometimes the car breaks down, or I miss the bus, then I have to start walking. There are some good sincere people who will offer a lift to someone they see in that situation. If it's happened to me, it could happen to her too.

If anything, I might say, "It was nice of him to give you ride home."

But I would need something further to cause doubt in my mind.

For instance, if she was unimpressed, or completely turned down, or even avoided everything I set up for her, I would ask if something was wrong. At the very least, she should be able to say something nice about what I did for her, even if she had a long day and was too tired to want to take advantage of it. And if she were sincere with what she said, she would likely at least take me up on a glass of champagne or soak in the bath....something, some small sampling to show that my efforts weren't wasted.

So in the scenario - as described - there isn't enough information given to warrant any jealousy or overreaction, in my mind.

Gee thanks, I hope to graduate to grade 4 one day.

You really didn't strike me as being a jealous person.

Maybe it’s not that I’m jealous as much as I hate being lied to or cheated on. If I have no reason to worry, I probably won’t be jealous.

I don't know of anyone who likes being lied to
or cheated on.

I've not been much of the jealous or over react type. if anything, I may be too mellow to read. Honestly, I would find it odd that a guy would turn down an offer from his girl. I probably would have accompanied him to the dance club as I dont see why he would drop me off when we were already together in order to have a guys night. I would not find myself in any special romantic mood if he did. and if the phone rang, though Im not in the habit of snooping on other people's devices, if I did see it was a female, I would not feel hesitant to politely inquire who it was(as in how does he know her) if I did not already know her. If he takes the call in another room though, all bets will be off. Thats when the 'maybe this isnt working' talk will happen.

True story. This is what happened with my first marriage. I found out about an infidelity. I asked him about it. He tried to laugh and joke it off. About a week later, he came in from work and I simply explained that he disgusted me, and though I loved him, I didnt think I could stand him to even touch me anymore. I politely asked if he wanted to leave or if I should. that was the end of that relationship. He has always said he didnt see it coming because I hadnt immediately 'acted' outraged or upset. But I like to think about what I say and do, before I say or do it, instead of just reacting.

Neither (unrealistic scenarios)
I don't do strip clubs or "dance" halls and I don't do porn.
I also don't mess around on someone I am in a relationship with.
Plus, since I highly value honest communication no assumptions would be made unless she lies to me then its bye-bye.
I also turn down sex when I am having a poor health day.
But, she knows it has nothing to do with her ability to turn me on because its a topic point when we start getting to know each other.
Plus, all my kids are grown and gone and we can have sex anytime we want.
Neither one of us have any serious self-esteem issues either.

The most important thing we both understand is that we are with each other because we choose to be and if we choose not to be, that is also our choice.
No jealosy and no over-reaction.

With all individual facts, it is CONTEXT that gives meaning.

Someone seen carefully washing a bloody butcher knife in a sink, can sound sinister by itself...unless you know the CONTEXT, which is that the person is a professional cook, and the sink is in a Steak restaurant.

For these two imaginary situations, there's no CONTEXT to provide a reason to react at all.

This^^^^ I really need more info

Yep, me too!

Back in 2002 I did the presentation thing... on the couch with nothing but a tie on When he came home his face lit up and he said "yummy".... and then went and took a shower

Context... He had an extremely stressful day and had chemicals all over him from his landscaping job... he needed a shower!

Had I not been insecure at that time in my life and disappointed because it was my first time ever to do something like that... I would have followed him in the shower.

Neelamz

Hello and welcome to my cyber mamsion. Well i read your comment and i think we all had trust issues at one point in our lives. Sometimes lack of trust can make us or break us. Now in your case you had good reason to feel the way.you did. Somebody cheats or lie can lead up to that. Now the question i have for you is are you better at mastering jealousy better today?

JustBeHonest,

Welcome to my cyber Mansion. Nice to see new faces as well as my loyal posters. Hmmmmm....a rat you smell ? Thats interestimg. I.have to partial agree i think turning down an evening of romance can work both sides of the.coin. On one side you can be right. He can be messing around cheating. He could of gotten so drunk he forgot to clear his call log before leaving the club. Then on then other side maybe the girl was just calling to say thanks for listening to her plight with her own relationship. Maybe a case of they had a friendly dance and she knows he in a relationship and called to make sure he gotten home safe as a designated driver. Anything i possible right?

RockGenome,

Welcome to my cyber mamsion.....well here at my place we talk about everything. Somrtimes its not about always being the norm being serious. I like to throw out there fun stuff too.....get people to think. Most importantly get people to talk out. That to me will make America great again tolerance and conversation.

Ms Harmony

Hey mommie....i love it when you post your point of view. You always seems to enlighten me with new truths. I read your comment and the situation with your ex husband was interesting. See as men sometimes fellas dont hate me for this but when men and women cheat its 2 different planes ....when men cheat sometimes men dont think....we get dumb...almost flat out stupid. We tend ( not saying this is me) leave too much evidence. Dinner reciepts unchecked phone messages, behavior changes, senseless lies and secretive. When women cheat its believe it or not more emotional. More scripted. She can have an affair and make you feel like nothings unusual and lie right to iur faces and be on the phone with the other person. I know im getting off topic but my.point is to support your theory of over reaction and jealousy which exes can cause sometimes.

Tom4UHere...

Welcome back to my cyber mansion. Well believe it or not to you its maybe irrelevant but to that person who living these situation may want advice or to be entertained. If you go back and read i did say this is not based on a person but to get a fun dialogue started. As an adult today i can honestly say i been there in over reaction moments and jealousy as well in my 20s i learn to investigate before reaction. Talk ask question place the dots together before i decided whats next. Your brain may see one thing but the truth maybe just around the corner. Tom i give you example when i was 19 i was in a relationship with my childhood girlfriend. To make this story short she went out to a dance club with a few of her friends which i did t mind. She got so pissy drunk she told on herself sort to speak.....a drunk mind speaks a sober tongue...i find out a guy at the club danced and made some form of connection.....i was livid. Very upset very hurt. And i cant remember if i ended it or what not but i did get jealous and rightfully so.