agreeing to meet someone for a drink?

I got this man wanting to meet over coffees and he's really interested in me.
But... we've not exchanged anything much and he seems to think that we're going to meet and have a drink and then get acquainted.

Personally I don't work that way. I prefer to let things evolve organically first and then...
And that can still go fast. With my last partner it took 1,5 weeks.
We got talking, hit it off right away, few days later talked on the phone which felt even better, and agreed to meet and set a date. Couldn't do that faster cos of a gig he had with his band otherwise we would have met even sooner.

I already told him I don't like to rush, prefer to let think develop organically, yet he now seems to think he has to wait for me to be ready. And that I will let him know when I am so we can meet and have a coffee?

Kind of like WTH? That means no/little exchange and still not getting to know one another? What's the point then?
As it is I'm not interested in the slightest, just wondering if I'm the weird one here, hihi.

So now I'm thinking, do most people just go on a meet & greet that way?
To me that would feel like meeting a total stranger -which he then would be- and assume / hope it's going to work out & you're not going to be tongue-tied.

So how do you go about it?
In a similar setting would you just go and have the drink or would you first prefer to have a bit more of a feel for the person, what they're like etc?

I haven't anticipated meeting anyone to start a relationship in a long time?

Its easy to go meet with someone for coffee or lunch. Hell, I've met people while having coffee or a lunch.

When I met with my gf I wasn't planning on a relationship I just went to have a bite. What developed for us, came after the meet, a few weeks after.

Just set a time and a place and ask him what he will be wearing (that way you know when you find the right person).
Then just say hi, introduce yourself and go get yer coffee. Where the conversation goes from there is up to you and him.

Try just being a person and leave the relationship mess out of it till if or when one actually happens.

Is he interested and you haven't decided? You can talk more before a meet.

Yeah, I have to have the letch long before the meet.
Otherwise it is just a viewing which I save for funerals.

If it were me, I'd meet the person.

I'm not really the best opinion here.
Similar to yourself,i'm in no major hurry
to do an internet meet and greet.
Generally, once I've made the decision to
agree to a meet, I still usually make the
other person wait at least a month.

Go with whatever pace you're comfortable
with.

One gets a feeling, ("yes or no"), after a few messages, ("too eager, not eager enough"), ("too weird") ("too far away"), what ever. Then after a few more back and forths,("ya wanna have a coffee?") or ("not").

It's a coffee or beer in a public place, not a marriage contract.

He said he thinks/feels there's a lot of potential (so clearly something about me and my profile moves him) and so he wants to meet me.
We have, however, barely even talked, and as such I have no interest really. Certainly not enough to go out to meet him. Why would I want to meet someone I don't know, and so far have no interest in at all?

He's okay to wait, but it seems to him that doesn't mean we keep messaging so we do get to know each other. To him it seems to mean, no messaging and I'll let him know whenever I'm ready to meet.

Kind of weird, to me anyways.

Yeah, but that's mostly talking to people when you're already out and about.
And I do take it you exchanged for a bit with your GF before you met? Or did you send her a message right away to ask, "I think we have a lot of potential, shall me meet for coffees"?
There must have been something of intrigue or interest that made you want to get up and go out?

I wouldn't quite put it that way, haha, but still... yes! You need to feel something, intrigue, a letch, whatever, but something.

That's exactly it and as it is, by lack of those messages, I do not have that feeling to go out and meet him. Why would I?
So far it feels to me as if all I've been doing is trying to explain to him why I don't want to meet him as it is.
I think he just doesn't get it. He feels something, sees potential, that seems enough for him to meet. As it is I don't feel that way about him though. I'd need more exchange...

I suddenly remember that often men don't get what a woman is telling him as she's not direct enough.
To me I feel I have been direct, but I know you have to be so direct that to me it feels I'm horribly blunt. I know that as long as I still am polite I'm not clear enough for a bloke to understand.
So... I'm going to tell him more clearly -I hope. And see what happens.

Also odd to be fumbling with this stuff now, haha. I haven't been active with dating for quite some time. Had to heal after my last relationship, then there was the pandemic, then I was busy with other stuff.
How easy it is to forget how it all works, and the tiny things that you come across?!
I got a bit rusty, haha.

I've recently become a paying member of a 50+ dating site as I want to get on with it, meet someone, find someone. And suddenly I'm getting quite a lot of interest too.

I've done it both ways. Typically I'm more like you, Crystal. I need to feel really comfortable talking to the person before I want to meet. But that doesn't necessarily take several weeks. I can talk a LOT to someone (including video chatting) for 3-4 days and feel just as comfortable with them as I would talking a little bit every day to someone for 3-4 weeks.

I say do what you feel most comfortable doing. It's not just about him. It's about both of you. Good luck! I hope it goes well for you!

Devil's advocate here... maybe he's not wanting to invest in getting to know you until "after" you meet face to face? No different than you wanting to get to know him more "before" you meet face to face.

Before we had internet, how did we do it? We met a perfect stranger, got that warm fuzzy feeling, (sometimes both got it, sometimes just one got it) decided to have coffee, and got to know each other, or not.

Now that we have the convenience of the internet, we can take our time chatting before we actually meet face to face. It's safer, easier, and avoids all that awkwardness of meeting face to face with someone you barely know.

The down side to that is you could spend a few weeks or couple of months chatting with this person, thinking you click, and then discover after meeting that there's no real connection. Perhaps he gets that so wants to meet as soon as possible?

Maybe a little more clarification is necessary? Just a thought.

Haha, just read what you last posted. Yes, being more blunt might help with the situation.

Yes, you're right, could very well be he's one of those that wants to meet before investing.
Well, maybe I'll just go meet him. I haven't checked the site yet to see if he's messaged anything at all. In a way certain things are handy. He's retired early so doesn't have to work, meaning he can easily come over than a working man, he didn't mind the drive (he lives quite far away and no way am I going over to his area in my car). He was fine with that.

Why is all this chit so difficult, haha. I'd much prefer a man ringing the doorbell, special delivery, "I'm your Mr Right!"
Skipping all that to-do of sifting and sorting, lol.

How we did it before the internet? I don't know as I never really dated much. Never liked it. I went abroad when I was 19, didn't date in Indonesia (too different, too short). Met my husband via the sport school, got married with children.
When we divorced we had internet.
So the old-fashioned way is more alien to me than the internet-way, haha.

I'm the same way, it doesn't necessarily take several weeks for me. Sometimes, but not always.

On the other side of being the devil's advocate, I want to know that they are willing to invest time getting to know me before we meet face to face.

I can relate to Crystal, if they aren't going to spend time conversating with me and getting to know me, then I end up feeling what's the point? Just because a man says he's interested and thinks we have potential isn't enough for me. In my mind, I'm thinking, "Okay, I hear your words, now back that up with action!".

I would love that ringing the doorbell thing. That would definitely be the action I'm looking for, hahaha. A grand gesture like that would surpass my wanting to take time getting to know him first, lol.

So maybe just take a chance, a little leap, and go meet the guy? If you click, great, if not, move on.

But, as Bonnie said, do what's comfortable for you.

Yes, I will do what feels comfortable to me! That's one thing I have learnt from the past for sure! No more going out of my way to try and suit the other by doing things that don't really feel right to me.
I did feel that innate tendency come up with this man, which I think is why I reacted the way I did. I do NOT want to feel pressured, pushed, or made to do stuff that I just don't want to do.
Like him suggesting to go to a certain town for drinks that would mean about an hour's drive for me. Not going to happen. I'd told him I'm uncomfortable driving far in my car as it needs some maintenance at the mo, then he came up with that?!
Turned out he thought that town was close by for me, haha.
So just clearly telling a man does work.
The he said he'd come over to my area so I could even cycle it if I'd prefer that over the car.

What I've done so far is send him messages the way I normally would. Just general chit-chat.
And just now... he said it was a lot of fun to be exchanging this way, talking to each other via messages :D
Isn't that something?!
Now I can relax. And now I feel like telling him, soonish, "Okay, let's get that coffee!"

That's great, Crystal. Hope it happens soon.

Yeah, I don't like feeling pressured either. If they aren't sensitive to how I feel, willing to compromise, or willing to wait until I'm comfortable, to me, that's just a sign that they are more interested in being in control, than they are in me.

Glad it's starting to flow better for you. Let us know how it goes. :)

Going for a coffee is just an introduction . it is important to see each other in the flesh and for anyone serious about dating it is a reasonable invitation . Some people do not like to invest time in someone that may be going nowhere . Unfortunately , many meets do not survive the first introduction . How well you know each other is seldom a factor .. usually the meet fails due to lack of chemistry or unrealistic expectations .

Do not let fear or uncertainty hold you back Crystal . You could. be pleasantly surprised