I'll toss in a vote for bat sh.t crazy🤪

My condolences on the loss of your brother.

why do we assume people are always the same as our immediate perception of them?

And can we really assume that our perception of ourselves at any given time is little more than a snapshot of our own internal narrative and as such a product of an ever changing form of self justification?

One of the changes I've gone thru is removing expectations and assumptions from consideration.
I now focus on the here and now.

In accuracy, our immediate perception is the most valid. Especially when there is no history for reference about someone. Its when we try to assume about someone else that we make mistakes which often have consequences. When we lay our expectations of others we substitute who they actually are with who we think they need to be. Focusing on someone as they are right now to you frees both of you to see each other as you are.
If I assume someone will do me wrong and expect it, even tho they never actually do me wrong, I've changed the condition of our aquaintance based on my own fears. Its not fair to them or me.

My personal perception of me is an ever-changing flux of my personality and opportunity. I do manage to keep my alignment and moral standards but the current manifestation of myself reflects how I am at that time more than how I was or could be. My experiences in life guide my personal wisdom but they do not rule my personality. I remain flexible and optimistic.

I have no clue about what your rant was all about , in fact , now I am more confused than ever

But my deepest sympathies on the loss of your brother ...

Thanks Slim. You going with bat sh 1 t crazy?

You welcome ... hope all is well with you now !!!

I also don't really know what you mean...
I've never been through the phases you mention. Sure, I've been hurt, badly too. When I tell professionals what I've been through in life (incl childhood) they're always deeply shocked.

I think the most difficult time was 10 years with a narcissist and loads of abuse, daily, all version of abuse in existence. That was the toughest chit and don't think anyone could imagine what that is like.
But I'm always focused on the positive, on learning, growing, and even after I got out with my sanity still intact I was looking at what I could learn from that situation.

Bitter cynical depressed etc. isn't me really but I guess they can be phases to go through.

Looking back on life I just see growth, in spite of all the difficulties I've encountered. Always things to course-correct of course, more things to learn & do.

Again, I may misunderstand your intention with the topic. If so ignore what I said :)


thanks for your post Crystal, and that's how i usually think. but theres nothing to be learned and nothing positive for some experiences.

I seem to be having problems expressing myself properly atm. probably best not socializing for a while. :-)

Here is my take, and I am probably wrong....
Grief and trauma,(divorce) shatters everything we know, mostly our stability in the belief we are living life right.
Bad things happen to good people, it makes us self reflect on everything, from the choices we have made to our own mortality. Most find their way out of that 'Rabbit hole' eventually, but are never the same person.

As for other people, we do not need to understand/perceive anything about them, just let them be. Everyone is trying to do their best, life is about learning.
Sometimes we get stuck in our heads with no clear answers, that is when we ought to see a counsellor or talk to friends, to help us become unstuck.


.

Just trying to help. Please do not isolate.

No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thy friend's
Or of thine own were:
Any man's death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.

John Donne

thanks for your post Crystal, and that's how i usually think. but theres nothing to be learned and nothing positive for some experiences.

I seem to be having problems expressing myself properly atm. probably best not socializing for a while. :-)

so My question is, why do we assume people are always the same as our immediate perception of them?

And can we really assume that our perception of ourselves at any given time is little more than a snapshot of our own internal narrative and as such a product of an ever changing form of self justification?

Thanks LW. It takes people in different ways. I painted the outside of the house, put a new loft hatch in, decorated. changed job for something more sociable. discovered dark milk chocolate. :-) moved most of the gaden from one side to the other. sort of wanting to change everything about life.
not melancholly as much as discontent.

just a phase, probably.