I'm guessing that's a little extreme and would chase some men away?

Most say "Be yourself" and it will all work out the way it's supposed to. I believe that, but what if being yourself is that person who doesn't normally initiate for whatever reason, but would like to start... and it feels a little awkward?

Maybe some of you more seasoned initiators can help some of us misfits get this right... time's a wasting... Let's initiate

Maybe you should sneak up on them and use the original method.

Scenario... I'm in the cafeteria and see a handsome man who's around my age.. he's sitting by himself.

Do I...

A. Walk by, make eye contact, smile, and keep walking?
B. Walk by, make eye contact, smile, and say hi?
C. Walk up to the table, ask if he'd like company?
D. Just go sit someplace and bang my head on the table in frustration?

I'd be comfortable with "B"... and since I'm at a place that has a lot of seasonal workers, ask if he just started here.

If he didn't say "sit down and join me" during conversation, I'd probably go sit somewhere else with my lunch.

This is where I get stuck... What then?

I'm thinking that's a little aggressive... I'd rather the man come willingly

Sounds interesting. But where does 101 come from?

And if he doesn't?

Then he's not interested and I need to move on!

Lol, Larsi remember when you went to school? Some of the classes were "101" classes... meaning more of an introductory kind of class... a "how to"

And it sounds better than "Initiating for dummies"

Can't remember such a thing from Germany. Yet my class was not made of little angels either

Mmmm, I think it is about..dignity.
If, whatever you do, you can maintain your dignity..afterwards
you will be fine with your own actions.

If you feel you have gone over the line, you probably have, that
is what those feelings are for. If you feel rejected, again you
are internalizing and it may have little to do with the
current situation.

Years ago I read something that stayed with me, paraphrased, it
said 'Never go through life REACTING to others (that is THEIR
LIFE) but rather ACT, initiate your own agenda..' be YOU in other
words, take the grief for your own actions, but also take the
glory..I live that.

When you take responsibility for your own actions (and reactions)
there is never any blame to lay elsewhere.

As for initiating, if it feels right, try it, this might be the
only time in life you ever cross paths with that certain person..
and a smile can keep anything going ;-)

Men face rejection all the time, they have to get a sense
of themselves just to stay afloat..I admire this.

As for being 'yourself' well, if you are not, when you finally
show up it could kill the deal.

Words of wisdom... Thanks soufie :)

I once read somewhere that the best approach is to ask a question, like for some help or for a small favor.

Corollary to that was asking about something obvious that establishes a common link.

For instance, say you are into tattoos, and you come across someone you're interested in who has some tattoos. You might make a pleasant remark about the person's tattoo. Going back to the first point, you might even ask if you could have a better look at the person's tattoo. If you have your own tattoo, you might make mention of it, then ask if the other person would like to see it.

The point here is that it creates a topic of conversation that both people have interest in.

A lot of people will pretty much just ignore someone who simply says 'hi'. Sure, they might say 'hi' back, but it won't go any further than that. Next thing you know, there's that awkward silence as you try to figure out what to say to get the person's attention enough to actually strike up a conversation that is more than just polite small talk. Many people aren't into small talk, so just having a pleasant but superficial conversation may actually be a turnoff.

Awhile back, I mentioned a story about a young woman on the bus whom I noticed was interested in me. By taking time to observe her over several weeks, I already had plenty of ways to approach her for conversation. For instance, I noticed that she was into Japanese anime - something we both have in common. I also noticed that we both listened to music on the bus. Since I have very broad interests in music, that was another potential icebreaker. She had a very colorful tattoo on one forearm that I never got a good look at. Normally I don't like tattoos, but I had never seen one with such great colors. I would have liked to get a better look at it, and maybe learn why she chose that specific artwork (often there's a story behind a tattoo like that). I had several more potential icebreakers as well. All I had to do was act. But as I mentioned elsewhere, by the time I worked up the nerve, I stopped seeing her on the bus. The opportunity was gone because I waited too long.

But this is why I like to observe people first. I'm not good at instantly striking up conversation. I need time to find something to work with. Of course, sometimes that's a disadvantage.

C. Walk up to the table, ask if he'd like company?

Then start kicking his tires (get information) so to speak.

The more direct approach... simple and definitely quicker than fussing around with "what if's" running through your head for days or weeks.

Thanks Chris for sharing

Finding a commonality definitely helps in creating conversation and helps it to flow more naturally.

Thanks for your input Action

Your "B" is fine if you think you will have another opportunity to get acquainted. You might even make some comment to him or at least give him a nice smile as you are leaving lunch. You can bet, if he is interested, he will be watching you during lunch!!

If it is a situation where you probably will not meet again, the more direct approach is needed. You have only 1 chance to make something of your meeting, make the most of it!! He probably won't say no so the worst case is he isn't interested and there will be no follow up in your conversation.

You ladies also need to understand the implications for a man in the work environment. It is very easy to get into difficulty with HR over harassment. This is especially an issue if a man is somewhere in management. After you have gone through many "learning sessions" about interactions between men and women in the workplace, many men will not initiate anything at work.

It's statistically impossible to win, if you don't play
the game.

I didn't know that either. English is not my 1st language so some of these things I just don't know.
Learning all the time, hihi.

I used that as an example of a scenerio... it hasn't happened in real life.

But I agree... work environments have been taboo for me as well.

Here at the YMCA it's more departmental... Food Service is off limits... other departments, I would be open to dating. But that is only because of the nature of the YMCA and the fact that it's located out in the middle of no where and is seasonal work, so not everyone brought a vehicle to go into town... I didn't, so this is where I live and play for the next six months.