Over at Snow Mountain Ranch it happened in two months for a couple... they've been married for 10 years now!

And yes... It could happen... Especially since the Executive Chef has put me on her matchmaker list

She's the one that just got married. A bunch of us ladies were having lunch together, all but me and one other lady are married, so the Chef lady said she would help fix that

Ya never know!

I remember a guy I dated about 20 years ago and he told me that most people, when they first start dating, are on their best behavior. I guess it means that you should be yourself at all times and take a long time to get to know someone.

I always suspected he thought he was educating me by demonstrating how he thought women wanted to be approached. He knew me well enough to know I probably wouldn't take the bait, if it was a setup attempt.

My preference is to meet a woman who happens to routinely hangout at a place I hang out at, and over the course of a few to several casual interactions get a sense about our compatibility. Then it feels more natural to me to ask her out on an official date. The ritual of subtle signals, and bold moves feels foreign, shallow, and unappealing to me.

I'm not that forward of a person. I meet more people in the supermarket. One time a guy was talking to me for a few minutes in the store, and then saw him at the other end of the store and talked again. I asked him what he was doing that day, because I was going to ask him if he wanted to get together. He was making dinner with his brother and father, but asked me to lunch the next day. We had lunch and it was good, but he was from out of town.

Yeah, I don't think she was giving any signals. I think he was feeling a little over confident, and was also thinking I needed some coaching so he was gonna give me an example.

Interesting! So you prefer it to happen more natural rather than seeking for it to happen?

Giving conscious signals, subtle or more bold, doesn't really feel natural to me either. I'm just trying to figure out if that's because that's how I'm wired or due to other reasons.

And to be honest, my being 56 plays a little part in my wondering about this right now. Going about it naturally could take quite a bit of time... I'm not getting any younger, years wise, still young at heart. So I figure it wouldn't hurt to get a little more proactive in helping move things a little faster

Guess time will tell.

This guy isn't looking at the falling tissue so is he trying to catch the tissue or he is getting ready to goose her? Sorry River I couldn't resist that.

OT: How about E for your scenario. Is he looking around while he is eating or is just looking at his food the entire time? If looking only at his food then he may be shy so if you are shy then it will be more difficult but if he is looking around he may just want some company but he just doesn't know how to go about it so, walk by and maybe say something "I noticed you sitting here alone. I am also alone and was wondering if you would mind if I sat here with you?" Granted it would be difficult if you are shy but it would make him feel good and chances are he would love the company. I guess this could also be C of your scenario choices.

That was supposed to be a subtle attempt at initiating the desired attention from a man


And not one of you men said, "Oh, let me pick that up for you"




The scenario was pretty much just an example Poetry, and to help get the thread going. I like your suggestion, it works when I go up to the table full of people, so maybe saying "mind if I join you" could work if he's alone.

With it being the lunchroom at the Y, he's not allowed to be rude, so he'll most likely say yes, and if he doesn't want to be there, he'll just hurry up and finish his lunch and leave. We have strict rules about being rude to each other, it's not allowed

River, I think you know me well enough to know that I would always pick the tissue up for the lady.

Yes, of course you would do that Poetry. And open the door for a lady. You're very much a true gentleman

Yes. To me, if the intent is to develop a meaningful relationship with long-term potential, it's foolish to try and present yourself differently than what represents your everyday appearance and your authentic personality and behavior.



That's an encouraging story, Cat. I've heard of many people having a similar experience. A chance encounter, with someone in an everyday relaxed setting, that in the least leads to a singular pleasant interaction. That's more appealing to me than the chase, or being chased scenarios.

That's a shame he was from out of town Cat. I've not really had too many conversations in the supermarket, maybe I should start. I'm don't really take my time, just go in and get what I need and leave.

Sounds like that's a good place for you to meet people.

While I like the idea of serendipity, like you pointed out... that can require a long wait in line. Also there's no guarantee of being rewarded with a thrilling ride.

For me, I need to get out more and find a place that resonates with me. A place where I can see, and be seen by, women who resonate with that place or activity too. Then I need to focus on being approachable, and practice making relaxed engaging approaches. No pretense or embellishment of appearance, or personality, just me being me. If I'm fortunate enough to develop a rapport with a woman, then I need to seize the moment and ask her out. If she declines, I need to redirect that sinking feeling into a sense of progress, because I tried.

If you're gonna be bold, be BOLD.

A. Walk by, make eye contact, smile, and keep walking?
I would think she's a friendly person
B. Walk by, make eye contact, smile, and say hi?
I would respond with "Hi" then ask a question or two (wondering if you were going to sit down with me to talk over lunch.
C. Walk up to the table, ask if he'd like company?
I would say "sure" and gesture for you to sit.
D. Just go sit someplace and bang my head on the table in frustration?
I would notice you. Wondering what could possibly motivate you to do such a thing and depending on how curious or hungry I was I would either get up and go to you to find out or return to eating my lunch. And yeah, I'd be giggling no matter which path I chose cause, "Dude, That's Funny".

I went to school in the 70s. My middle school was over 100 years old when I attended. The classrooms were numbered B101 - B130 for the basement rooms 01-09 were designated as 6th grade classrooms, 10-19 were 7th grade classrooms, 20-29 were 8th grade classrooms and 30 was teachers lounge.
The school had three floors. The first floor were the common areas, library, office, equipment rooms, lunch room and assembly hall.
The second floor and 3rd floor were numbered 101-130 and 201-230 respectively. All rooms 01-09 were 6th grade. So, B01, 101 & 201 were always beginner classrooms. "English 101" meant 6th grade English class, Math 102 meant 6th grade mathematics class and so on.

When I went to HS, 9th graders were in Green Hall so we always referred to the beginning of learning as Green.


Being yourself doesn't mean you have to stick with traditional methods.
If you are doing something you do not want to do, you are certainly not being yourself. Personally, I think you should do what makes you feel right and in alignment with who you are and what it is you are trying to achieve.

You work in a hospitality trade. People with outgoing personalities do well in that trade. They are people-persons. If you have the ability to talk to guests, you already have the skill needed to talk to a potential partner and all you need is a boost in your self-esteem.
You can find better self-esteem by understanding yourself better. Honestly addressing all your personality quirks and placing value on the ones that will help you attain your goal and not concerning yourself with the ones that don't. In other words, set your personality priorities that you want others to see and forget about the ones you carry around from your past that do not fit anymore.

Riverspirit1111, I find you are an easy person to interact with. You have good values and manners, use that with confidence and you will succeed.

Remember, when you feel good about yourself it makes you shine and project a 'friendly' presence to those around you. A forced smile is picked up easily as a genuine one but the real smile will inspire positive response.

Having seen supermarkets in the US I'd say they should offer plenty of opportunity. They're huge!
I'm not sure how that would work out here where I live, I've been thinking about that at times.
But not sure there'd be many singles my age in the supermarket over here.
That's another thing. At some point you gotta take into account that people are married. And not all wear a wedding-band but are involved.

It is good to think about it. I have done too. For me it's more that it is easier (read 'safer') to not do it. Doing it means going out of my comfort-zone, not doing it isn't. But that also means I expect someone to meet me in my comfort-zone, and is that really what I want? For me the answer is "No!"

If you think about it for yourself, do you have a playful, lighthearted side? A flirty side, a part that likes to tease a little every now and then, or not? ANd likes to get teased a bit as well of course.
For me that side comes out naturally when I'm already with a guy. Meaning I DO have it, I just kind of wait for a guy for it to surface.
Thing is, if you think Law of Attraction (and your own happiness), if you want a relationship that also allows for your playful, flirting, fun side, you have to be able to activate that before you meet someone as well. Then you'll attract a man who matches that, who likes that side of you.
Otherwise you could end up with a man who falls for your more serious 'comfort-zone' you, and then when your playful side comes out and he feels overwhelmed.
Hope you get what I mean, it easily sounds very black & white when typed and it's not B&W.

I have done it, allowed my lighthearted, fun, playful and teasing side to come out before the guy was there. And you know what, it is wonderful!!
It's not fake, it actually feels natural, me.
It is exciting, and yes, it can put you on edge a wee bit at times, but that's also the fun of it!
Like they say: Life happens outside of your comfort-zone!

So yes, it is something to think about. And yes, in a way it would be easier if it would just simply drop into your lap. But if you think about these two scenarios...
Scenario 1 is that it just happened, no real excitement, not much flirting and playful stuff, comfortable...

OR

Scenario 2 where you go out of your comfort-zone to flirt, be lighthearted & playful, tease a bit and get teased, being a bit nervous about going out of your C-zone but also really enjoying the juicy excitement and fun that comes with it...
What appeals more?

Neither is wrong, but looking at it this way might help to get more clarity as to what it is you actually want and your reasons for choosing one or the other.

Gothcha, thanks!

Thank you Tom I like that you gave a response to a,b,c,and d. Choice b or c would be the best routes to go :)

That's interesting with the numbered classes, I guess it's slightly different depending on where you go. I don't recall my grade school years very much, the 101, 201, etc.. was in college.

What you said makes a lot of sense. And the more I think about it, it could very well be self esteem issues and lack of confidence. I've dealt with and worked through so much stuff from the past and have come really far. I think of that rather than what's going on right now, and the effect the last year has had on me.

A lot of good, but other things that have occurred that I'm not really dealing with... least not effectively. I know that because the thoughts still weigh heavy on my mind.

Over the last year...

.. Went through a devastating hurricane that cost me my job and forced me to look at my home environment.

.. Walked away from a toxic sibling, thus becoming homeless

.. Move around from seasonal work to seasonal work (this is my 3rd job in the last year)... exciting but lonely... and sometimes difficult to see the excitement because you're focusing so much on the fact that you're homeless.... Although after speaking with my brother, I do have a roof over my head and hot meals and an address, so I'm not really homeless. Just feel like I don't belong anywhere... Bingo! That's the problem.

.. I quit smoking

.. I got my drivers license back

.. I've reconnected with my sons (face to face... I was in Florida 9 yrs)

.. I gained 35 pounds... huge effect on my esteem (it's been 17 yrs since I've been this overweight

.. And I had two rejections to my initiating more than friendship (of course deep down I know they were right for me, just safe and within my comfort zone because we were already friends, lol. Mostly bruised my ego, didn't break my heart because I wasn't really in love with them, just the idea of love.

.. Started having major issues with my muscles and joints... lots of pain


I'd say that's a recipe to get my butt into counseling... Lot of stress factors there and that's most likely what is causing the esteem and confidence levels... and the body aches! Keeping it in my head, I can easily dismiss it and say I'm fine. Writing it out, hell no I'm not, lol.

When it comes to a relationship... The two I believe are affecting me the most are is being stuck in the idea that I am homeless and that I don't really feel attractive anymore since I gained so much weight. Well that not as much as I'm in almost daily pain, so what fun would I be for a man?

I believe I'm in the right place here at the Y. I'm actually meeting people face to face, I'll be going out with the ladies tonight, and there's a licensed counselor on site, so I do have free counseling available to me. I just hated the idea of going... again! But from all my education, training, and being a part of support groups and recovery, I understand the effects of stress factors... I just like to think I'm some how different and won't be effected adversely