Hi All,

I have always seen people say that once you are married, so you must not be looking. I have a serious problem with this statement. I feel, either the singles are jealous, or they are scared of their partners developing an interest.

According to me, I feel, marriage is for mutual understanding, care and support. Relationships can still happen, but it must not affect the marriage. I guess, many people will disagree to this, but I want them to sit down and think through this thoroughly before they respond to me.

As in a relationship, its very beneficial. Its the support or attention, and sometimes a little pampering. The very feeling of existence, experiencing life, than living like some artefacts.

I am open minded, and am interested in making relationships.

That's the way it's "supposed" to or "should" work.
Simply because every moment you spend doing one thing means a moment you aren't spending doing something else.

Also, if it's an "actual" marriage (i.e. gone through the biological pair bonding process) "love" tempers the mating instinct and desire to pursue another opposite sex relationship.
Human beings are naturally shaped as sex/mating objects. Your brain inherently interprets mating viability by what information is brought in by the senses.
Curves, height, skin tone, lip shape, length of legs, ratio of hips to waist to chest to shoulders, hair luster, ratio of facial features, space between eyes, tonal patterns, laugh/age lines, smell.
If you've seen, heard, or scented any part of another human being on some level you've determined their sexual compatibility for mating, you've seen them as an object for sex.

"Love," the pair bonding process kind, changes your brain so when it does that analysis it also triggers thoughts of your partner.
People being efficiency (i.e. immediate gratification) junkies find it easier to pursue their partner rather than the unknown potential of strangers, usually.
Depends on the amount of incentive triggered by the nonconscious analysis, and the situation in the pair bonding/kid process someone is in.


I would be scared too.
If I was married to a girl and she started specifically looking for a guy "just friend" (going to online dating sites, refusing to leave dating site forums) that would pretty much guarantee she doesn't really love me or she was actively attempting to sabotage the relationship to get out of it.


"Marriage" is ultimately for the protection of babies.
What pushes people to go through the stages ending up in emotionally pair bonded marriage is the mating instinct.

Marriage is for babies, procreation, perpetuating your DNA.
There is incentive to develop mutual understanding, care, and support, if there is a common goal that is highly valued. Like passing both of your DNA on, the survival of your kids.

"Marriage" isn't a tool for self actualization, it's a symptom of the bonding process. Ritualized as a form of social communication to ultimately tell civilized people to "back off, they're mated."
But like when people go to Web MD, read symptoms, and self diagnose, a lot of people try to go through a ritual "marriage" and tell themselves they "have" love.

Thanks to puberty people are constantly pushed by the mating instinct.
If you are in a "marriage" and feel you need to find new opposite sex "relationships" then what you're ultimately saying is your "marriage" isn't really based on "real" love. It's a rationalized social construct for fleeting selfish pursuits.
You are ultimately being pushed by your mating instinct to go find some other mate, to find someone to go through that biological or "marriage" process, to breed.

Everything else is rationalizing. Attempting to maintain self identity, and mental health, maintaining the label of a "good" person. Attempting to avoid consequences while fulfilling selfish interest.


That isn't always a good thing.
Especially if you are open minded about your marriage while your partner is not.


Of course none of that may be relevant.
You weren't all that clear in the OP but:

Are you married? And are you only looking for relationships with people you potentially feel sexually attracted to?

Humm it would not matter how long and hard I think on the Topic... it is still wrong in my eyes and would never consider being with someone and bringing another into the mix..

Your thing fine not mine nor do I feel it is right....

If one can not give 100% to one person they need walk away or find those that don't mind being in that type of thing...

I'm open minded just don't share the bed with more then one..

R7778
Joined Sun 08/16/15
Posts: 1
Wed 12/27/17


There are a few different responses I can give.
One:
You are married and are looking for justification to having an affair.
I have no idea what marriage vows you made with your partner.
It doesn't matter what people on dating sites tell you.
You should ask the person you made the commitment with and the person with whom you are wanting to have an affair. Those are the opinions that have the most validity.

Two:
You are single with a partner and considering marriage.
Again, honest, open communication with that person is the only consideration that has merit. Marriage vows are anything the two of you agree to commit to as a dedication of unity.

Three:
You are single and wish to convince a married person to have an affair with you.
Again, an open forum is not the place to ask such personal questions or to seek guidance. Your success will hinge on the other's commitment to their vows with their current marriage partner.

Four:
You are single and looking for justification to having multiple partners.
Most people are looking for dedication, commitment and concern.
You have your own reasons for doing what you do. People in an open forum will tell you what they think but its truly what you think that is important because you walk your own path in life, not shared by others.

If dedicating commitment to another is not your deepest desire, look for others that share your lack of commitment. Don't be surprised when they do unto you as you do unto others.

Personally, I want a woman's commitment and dedication. If she is the right ONE for me, I may see others but I will not WANT others.
That is because I too can make a commitment to be dedicated to one woman.

I must stress that even tho I don't share your stance on relationships I understand it and wish you luck in finding all the people you desire.

Does your wife feel the same way?.. I mean if she was out there getting laid with other guys, would you have a problem with that or is it just o.k. for you to do.. but not her.

Before anything else, I just wanna ask you, do you love your wife? Why do you feel that way? Are you happy with your relationship with her?

I don't wanna judge you. I know that you have your reason too for feeling that way. In the end, that is still your decision not ours. But just an advice, when you do something, you also have to think of it's consequences. You have to consider not only your feelings but also the feeling of your wife and your kids (if you have).

If I am the wife or if I marry one day, I want my man to be faithful. I don't want him to be looking for another one. If one day he does, I will leave him. I will think that he doesn't really love me. I want my man to be happy but I am not also a martyr. If for him I can't give that happiness, I will let him do what he want but I will ask for a divorce or annulment first... A good relationship is the one where you are both happy and I will never be happy knowinh that my man is in a relationship with another girl. I am faithful and I want my man to be faithful too. If he can't do that, he needs to let go of me too. He doesn't deserve my love. He doesn't deserve me... We both deserve to be happy and sometimes the only way to do that is to let each other go.

Sister please don't waste your time to comment on this post. Probable he is muslim man that has the right to marry múltiples wives. Saddest post ever!

That's what I'd like to know as well! I'm quite certain I know the answer to this...

Also, are you in an arranged marriage? And would you feel the same if you were in a marriage based on love?

do u have kik

Exactly, I feel the same way.

Nope not my thing!

if you are going to cheat on your wife why even bother being married? Just out of curiosity -how would you feel about your wife cheating on you? If you have an open marriage it's one thing, but if you are the one seeing women outside of your marriage I feel sorry for your wife & the other women. I'm sure they all deserve better.

People in marriage have, or are expected to have a MUTUAL agreement regarding what they expect and what can be expected of them.

Some go in both with an understanding that there is no sexual fidelity expected, they are called 'open marriages'.

Some go in taking a vow of 'forsaking all others' which is an understanding that monogamy is part of the deal.

I doubt anyone no longer feels any attraction to anyone else just because they have married, but the acceptability of acting on an attraction is between those in marriage and their mutual understanding.

Hi dear. The same person I’m looking for.
I’m very impressed because for your open minded.