Hmm, I could not write "It is not over till the fat lady sings". That is not pc.
When did you know when your marriage/relationship was over? That your future did not have that SO in it?

When she went home for new years eve to meet someone else and left me home alone.

Did you know at the time? Or did you find out later that she was a cheater?

It's a long story.. it was already kinda going downhill after 12 years. I figured it out on new years eve when I figured out why she didn't want me on FB. I joined and it was pretty clear. I knew the guy. Funny thing is, they're married now, and we're all friends, well, family I guess is a better word.

When I moved all of her crap out to the front yard.

The very first time he became violent, he became history.
And I mean that minute, called lawyer and filed..30 days
later it was over.

So I would say, the moment you learn who they really are
is the very beginning of the end.

When I woke up, took off the rose-colored glasses and saw her for who she had become after my health took my job (and my money).

When the red flags became sirens, and so heavy that they broke the flag pole...

When I/they made a decision that it should end.

That's part of life being an adult.
You have to make decisions when you might not "know" something.

If the only relationships you have always end after some extreme event that guarantees you "know," then you've been settling and taking the easy path, IMO.


I'm not clairvoyant. Nor infallible.
Your future does not have that SO in it when you make that decision.

If you're sitting around fantasizing about your future, trying to paint a picture of your SO in it, or not in it, then IMO you're trying to rationalize something.

The original phrase is generally understood to be referencing the stereotypically overweight sopranos of the opera. The imagery of Richard Wagner's opera cycle Der Ring des Nibelungen and its last part, Götterdämmerung, is typically the one used in depictions accompanying reference to the phrase. The "fat lady" is the valkyrie Brünnhilde, who is traditionally presented as a very buxom lady with horned helmet, spear and round shield (although Amalie Materna played Brünnhilde during Wagner's lifetime (1876) with a winged helmet). Her farewell scene lasts almost twenty minutes and leads directly to the finale of the whole Ring Cycle. As Götterdämmerung is about the end of the world (or at least the world of the Norse gods), in a very significant way "it is [all] over when the fat lady sings."

Anybody that needs a moment or an epiphany to understand the relationship they're in is over has my sympathy.

That is very judgemental Waterloosunset.
Sometimes you try really hard because of the vows you took, always forgiving.
There is a time when it hits you that nothing will ever change.

Sometimes people live in a world of denial.

Sometimes the signs were there very very early on but were ignored. I guess that means the relationship wasn't really over then. Hmm...

The second time...
when I had to go back after 2 days away from home and found myself crying whilst driving because I didn't want to go back to him.
It was about bloody time, had only taken me 10 yrs to work out things would never get better.

The first time...
When he was about to come back after being gone for a week for work and I felt I'd rather he stayed away. I still tried to make it work... failed.

Last time...
When he told me...

You are a hard man.

I admire your strength Soufie x

Ouch Tomforyouhere. You are such a kind person, I can imagine you did your utmost in that relationship too

I like the wittiness of your reply. Yeah, red flags can be hard to spot whilst wearing rose coloured glasses.

Ok