how many people are needy?
I need a relationship, I need love, I need a girlfriend, I need a friend, I need this and I need that.
I never see anyone on dating sites saying "I am soooo ready for love!"

Why there are so many needy people, which basically means they cannot stand on their own two feet. Too scared, too insecure, too low self-esteem and whatever...

Makes me wonder how so many people got to be like this. Were there 'flaws' in their upbringing? I mean, it's weird, isn't it? There's gotta be some reason for it. If you have a solid foundation, as in a safe haven during childhood, people wouldn't be needy but stable beings.
Makes me wonder of the current generation of parents age 40 and up have a high divorce rate maybe??
But the typical thing is, it's not just Western people who are needy, I believe on here it's often the non-Westerners? From countries where I thought divorce wasn't the done thing (yet)?
Weird phenomenon.

And maybe the next generation is going to be the same or worse? I mean, if these needy people get kids... how can they offer a stable environment and safe haven for a child to grow up in?

I hope some day more people on dating sites will say "I am SO ready for love!" (and actually are as well of course)

Not really.
We're born big bundles of need.
The only thing that really changes is learning that laying around fussing, crying, and pooping our pants doesn't work for very long.


That has more to do with the internet than the people.
Kind of like saying "isn't it freaky...how many hungry people are at a restaurant!"


Sure they can, they just don't have to really do it on the internet.
There's no incentive, reward or real punishment, on the internet.

Unless you can point out people that are on the internet 24/7 365?
That never signs off? Is constantly glued to their screen? And there are enough to represent "so many" people?


All upbringings are flawed.
Human beings are fallible creatures.
Garbage in, garbage out.


Not really.


So you're saying if people already have all their needs met...they won't be needy?

Otherwise you're making a vague statement without much meaning.
What is a "solid" foundation? Knowledge? Money? Power? Community? Emotional stability?
What is a "safe haven?" Stability? What's that? Absolute control? Money? Consistency? Communal interdependence? Isolation? Utopia? Lack of stress?
What is "childhood?" Until the age of 6? 12? Onset of puberty? 16? Anything before the age of 18 (in the U.S.) when the government arbitrarily defines "adult" legally, albeit with exceptions?


Divorce rate has been going down.
Unless you don't account for the decrease in marriage.
If you use the "bad" statistics where people say "50%+ divorce rate!" then divorce rates are high. The numerator is plummeting (marriages), and the denominator is staying stable and slightly decreasing (divorce rates), that leads to "high" rate hysteria.


IME it's natural for the older generation to believe the younger generation is "worse." What with their speakeasies, and Rock'n'roll, mary j wanna, jobless hippies, textipating, and like whatever dudes gag me with a spoon at the mall disrespect.


If needy people get kids...then their system works.
That's pretty much the entire point.
Kids.
The rest is an attempt at cultural dominance and keeping the status quo as not to upset the older people who can't handle change or process new information as well.

There's only really a "problem" if everyone on the planet stops having kids, and/or all the kids start dying in massive enough numbers to lose generations.


I hope they never do. At least as long as I'm alive.
I hope the internet continues to be the garbage can attracting the same type of flies. Better around the can than around the kitchen.

You know, back in the days before online dating (the days when you had to actually approach someone in person...GULP! ) people never acted as if they "needed" this or that. You saw a girl you liked, you worked up the courage to approach her, and then nine times out ten you said something completely stupid....but yet she found you adorable. Yeah...there were the guys who were the smooth operators (Goof was the latter), but they too never said or hinted that they needed something. You had to be on your game, and coming off as needy or a Stage 5 clinger was simply not in the cards. Sounding desperate was like the most not hot thing to a woman, and I am thinking (and hoping) that it still is that way today (If not, then I so need all you ladies...hehe).

Now....as to why people say that they "need" this or that? Maybe it has to do with the fact that most people today simply take certain words like "need" and use them in a manner that they feel is conveying how they feel. For example, they will say "I need love" and perhaps what they really mean to say is "I need love because I am ready for a good woman to cook me some good food because I am so tired of eating out every night". I mean....hey....that's a valid reason for needing love in your life right? Okay....so they could start watching Food Network and learn how to cook.....but my point is that perhaps they ditched cable and would simply rather have the love of their life make them an awesome meal.....made with 100% love.

My point is that people may use "need" and they are simply choosing the wrong wording. However, I am quite sure there are those "needy" people out there.....in which case I so need to avoid them.

Kids are the worst...always whining about needing something...gimme a new phone, I'm lonely... gimmie a new Xbox, I'm bored...a Happy Meal, I'm hungry...
it never ends.

CrystalFairy, I totally agree with you. We see so many people on this site whose topic line is something like, "Want girlfriend" or "Want love", without much thought, as if just by posting it a woman will quickly respond to this one-liner, and their problem will be solved. They often don't give much other info about themselves. I don't think it works that way here.

Nope. I disagree with all sorts of people on this.

Right off the bat, I'm an O.G. now, and I can tell you for absolute certain, that there has been ZERO change in how many people talk about "needing" things over the six decades I've been on this planet. So anyone who rants or brags about how much "tougher and self-reliant" they want to pretend everyone used to be, is full of piffle and nonsense, or at least self-delusional prejudice.

For myself, I think the bulk of what we hear about "needs," has more to do with verbal and analytical laziness, than anything else.

Some people say "need" as a manipulation. It's very common for humans to take the lead from each other, and once someone thinks they see someone else talking about "needs," and (seemingly) making headway, they will start using that word as well.

Then there are people who hope that if they say "need" instead of "want," that they wont have to feel guilty about what they DO just plain want.

And there are the people who use the idea that they "need" things, as a way to cover up their callous greed for more. People who say they "need sex," and that's why they "had to" cheat, are the most obvious and classic example of that.

It's all part of why I tend to get very testy and picky when someone posts that they "need" this or that.

Ok.. just for the record books..
So you can say at least once you've heard it on a dating site..ok. Reddit on a dating site..lol... I am.. Ready For Love... and all the needy baggage that comes with it...lmao..

Trust you!

..wink..lol

there are a great deal of needy people in the world
many of whom are also callous and selfish or self serving


dating sites often times run like a want ad anyhow

wanted: one good hearted and understanding woman
who will put up with me no matter what I do
and not run out on me like the wife did

I'm so ready for what I want

Time may tell me if that is true

In the meantime I seek contentment with what I don't have

Whether people say they love , want or need something or someone, I dont think they are always being literal. People sometimes speak of loving , wanting or needing a snack, a movie or a car with the same intensity that they speak of their love , want or need for a mate. I think of it as being overly dramatic in use of expressions .

That said , not everyone who is literal about needing a mate, can be considered "needy"

Ive realised that certain behaviors that I consider to be clingy and stalkerish in my culture is actually deemed as loving and attentive in other cultures . I wouldnt interpret that as neediness . I would call it cultural incompatability.

But apart from that , dont many single people have moments of vulnerability when we think to ourselves. "I really need a partner!" Social media has just provided a huge forum to vent such "uncool" feelings

And while I admit that it sounds whiney and annoying in a public forum, i can genuinely understand their feelings because there are times I have felt it myself and so have my single friends , and even some of my married friends who feel lonely in their relationships. But i dont think that makes us needy.

My definition of needy is when the person has put their goals and enjoyment of life on hold until they find a partner or where their joy is almost completely dependant upon their partner, which is incredibly unhealthy behavior. And yes there are some people like that out there. But I will give the teenagers and folks in their 20s a pass on their needy phase. Alot of the times , they arent sure who they are as yet and therefore look to a partner to wrap their identity around. Well some of them do. Not all :)

Edited for being insignificant

OH
...after the Cired Discection....


I still believe that most things written are saying....HEY!!!!!! VALIDATE ME!

I like needy people, I know where they stand.
Everyone is needy, however, some wear it like
a banner.

I do not think those can change..like going
from your right hand to your left, you can do
it, but it is easier to be what you have
always been.

Over my life I have seen people who have 'worn'
their ennui, their weight, their looks, their
education, their status like a flag announcing
who they are.

My fat friend, upon greeting her, always tells a
fat joke, thereby precluding you do it first.

My depressed friend tells me how sad he is so
I do not share my problems with him.

My good-looking gf always says how ugly she is
thereby promoting a compliment.

Most people just become adept at hiding their needs.
For a while.
Needs will out.

Interesting approach. I agree, but must admit that when with friends/a friend I find it hard to stay in that observer role. I tend to be enthusiastic, jump in head first, lol. Learnt to control that tendency a bit more as I get older, but still.
Can you do that? Interact and still observe so to speak?

Yes, but then I am quite able to let them be who
they are..recognizing it does not change anything.

Let that not fool anyone but 65 and over, is a great age.


Personally, ( Taking age in consideration ),
I don't NEED IT, as much as I WANT IT.

Now even my teeth are not as tough as they used to be.
I CAN'T EVEN BAIT like I used to once.

My knees are telling me lean slowly DON'T KICK.

My mind is wondering more than ever, and my brains have
memories laps often. But that's fine,
I still can find my way back home

My strength, well, I'm in shape ...Like they say..
DON'T MESS WITH AN OLD MAN, or I WILL KILL YOU IF NEEDED TOO.


After all, we, over 60, don't really NEED IT, just WANT IT,
and unfortunately, IT MUST BE NOW..