C-Soul;

I know your story all too well. My first wife was a victim of this very scenario - as well as her younger sister. Oddly enough, each has gone on to live their lives in extremely different ways. In the case of my ex-wife - she never got over the sexual issues, yet her conscience remained sharp - and she grew to understand - however rationally - her abuser, and works towards forgiveness eveyday of her life. Her sister on the otherhand - has gone completely in the other direction. She uses sex as a weapon of control, and will never (according to her) forgive her abuser. My ex-wife is a Christian - her sister an Atheist. Now - I draw no conclusion by this example other than to wonder by what means each of them made choices and how their conscience played a part. I do know - that no matter what my opinion of their method, I will never have the "facts" concerning what each of them went through - as I only have their perception of it, and was never there.

Eljay:

I can appreciate what you have shared... and your expressed personal feelings on the matter...


However, once again, there may very well be differences between our experiences, as a result of the differences regarding the people who we know that have shared similar experiences. This woman I know, "suffers" from a well documented and therefore diagnosed "medical condition"...

I have copied and pasted a brief summary below:


Multiple personalities are formed through dissociation. Dissociation occurs when an individual splits with their primary personality (also known as the "host" personality) and develops a secondary personality in their subconscious. The dissociative splitting of the self into two or more personalities usually occurs in childhood due to extreme physical, sexual and/or psychological abuse. In most cases the existence of Disassociative Identity Disorder represents an attempt by the child to deal with overwhelmingly negative events in their life. The ongoing abuse experienced by the child somehow increases their capacity to detach themselves, compartmentalizing life’s trauma into autonomous units rather than a blended whole. When a particularly abusive experience becomes unbearable the highly hypnotizable child simply exercises their capacity for self-hypnosis, to go to sleep, as it were, and allow another person to emerge who can handle the situation better. In many ways the altered personality of abused children resemble the imaginary friends that "normal" children describe—externalized versions of cartoon figures, superheroes or animals; however, what begins as a protective fantasy is kept within until the individual with Disassociative Identity Disorder becomes that character...



Sorry for the length, I just wanted to be sure that we were talking about the same "thing"...

In such a case, how could one consider her actions to be of her own choosing?

Surly, we are not. What your friend has experienced is obviously an extreme reation to her abuse. Perhaps because my ex and her sister had each other - they were able to respond to their abuse differently. But I am also aware of others who have similar experiences, and have responded in the same way as your friend. But I think it still remains that however they respond, their actions have become learned over time, and often automatic. However - it became their choice, albeit forced to be made from a circumstance of undesirable options - yet the choice remains theirs as to how they reacted, and will continue to do so until there is evidence to behave in alternative ways given the level of comfort. They may not have had any choice in what happened to them - but only they can determine their actions based upon their experience, and in this - there is always a choice - unless the damage is severe enough to take away their ability to reason. (Such as physical brain damage, etc)

A clear case on record is Sybil....She had many personalities that would step in...at any given situation in order for her to deal. I honestly believe that split personalities are a way of the mind coping with horrific trauma.

Creativesoul,

I've witnessed this phenomenon in a person I know intimately, and she too has only the faintest acknowledgement that its an unhealthy intrusion upon her faculties.

I have found myself powerless and ineffective in helping her to find her way out of the condition.

At other times, intercession in prayer has brought healing to others I've met and had no involvement with on an intimate and personal level, and yet managed to gain their trust and be helpful.

Two distinctively different examples of the same condition.

Both and all are heartbreaking to behold.

Clearly, childhood experiences weigh heavily upon us in varying degrees.

What disturbs me most about my friend is that her family is unaware of this, and only her ex-husband of her first marriage recognizes and believes that it is not a game she plays to be cute or evasive in trying moments that she experiences. Her family is dismissive and her friends all completely unaware of this phenomenon that grips her. Even her children are unaware of it and have never seen the change manifest itself in their presence.

My heart goes out to all that suffer from this and all that helplessly observe such a thing in the life of someone they care about.

I offer my sympathies and prayers for you and Eljay and your loved ones in petition for remedy.

I can almost completely agree with what you said here:

They may not have had any choice in what happened to them - but only they can determine their actions based upon their experience, and in this - there is always a choice - unless the damage is severe enough to take away their ability to reason. (Such as physical brain damage, etc)



It is here that I have trouble following the logic:


yet the choice remains theirs as to how they reacted,...



I have a harder time accepting the notion that a trapped child has any choice other than completely subconscious attempts to survive... to be able to live and function among the "regulars" in their world... not only with the continued assaults, but also with the distorted sense of self-worth as a direct result... not by choice... but by the only means to survive... they do so... survive...

Choosing a different "path" as an adult requires invasive and near total "re-programming"... which is nearly impossible is the most severe cases, as it requires the re-living of it all...

Which brings about the trauma and helplessness that was the cause of the condition to begin with...

Thank you. I'm happy to report my ex-wife (whom I get along with very well) has handled her life well given what happened to her. Though the early going in our marriage was extremely difficult because of it - she had the desire to get better, and has. Creating a large support structure (people who understand what is happening and do not become enablers) has been the most successful method of helping her. It helps keep her centered, and stops her from changing her history to balance her moods.

Thank you wouldee... we have a shared respect and concern...

Eljay:

I am happy to hear the good news concerning your ex... I recognize the solution's existence...

I did my best with my "friend", and it was not something she chose... and she has no idea that I believe she had no choice...


I would like to take this moment to wish all here a Happy Thanksgiving Day... may we all be thankful for the good in our lives...