I feel like im a maid.we have been staying together and i do everything in the house.he can eat and go wash his hands leave the plates for me,doesn't make his food anymore.when i told him that we should go out he says i should remind him to take me out .he gives me money to use for anything i want but stil need him to buy something for me but he says i should buy it myself.im i being silly?we used to do things together now.

Were it I, I would go out every night to dinner by myself :-)

That sounds rough, I hope you are able to open up the lines of communication and start to interact more as a loving couple.
My best wishes to you

You are not silly, but realize there is worse. It's better than what I have which is a man who doesn't want to work outside or at home. If this guy is giving you all the money you need at least that is something. He sounds alright, not great, but maybe you can fill in the blanks with other people or interests.

Sounds like you need a new deck of cards to make the spark in your love life come back....find out what is missing then think of a way to fill in the void.

It appears as if you've centered your life around the man

From his view point,
Comes tired home, same routine

A suggestion:
Why not expand life to include your neighborhood activities, part time job; I don't know..
Then watch the flow come back

Sometimes Estelle can toss out a glimmer of hope.

Some cultures are different. Traditions, etc...

Doing things for others, such as cooking and menial tasks to have the home run smoothly according to your standards is giving others some happiness.

I had always done this for those that I loved without regret.

The way to a man's heart is through is stomach.

How about an awesome dessert too?

Dress up so you feel sexy be kind of tipsy and be sitting on the couch reading a romance novel with some beers on ice and some relaxing music playing. Then when he get's home tell him you want to have a drink before dinner...have dinner ready, but I have a feeling you will be able to make dinner wait for many hours. That will set the tone for at least a week, where he should do little favors for you, like take you out to dinner the next night.

thanks for ure advices. Sex is great but i feel i need to be spoiled by my man hell even bring me tea in bed or buy me ice cream.i just need to feel like he took time to think and do something just for me not to leave everything to me.im an african woman i love doing things for my man bt it feels like im now a maid.by the way i dnt drink alcohol if i did i would be title how alcohol got me in the ER.

I love spoiling my man, there is a fine line though of being taken for granted and being appreciated...

In saying that, I have to ask had you talked to him about how you feel, if not then the fault lies with you. To many times people expect the other to know in reality they are thinking they have died and gone to heaven. They have no clue resentment is building.

I know if it was me and I felt this way... I would be asking as I am cooking the meal for help in the kitchen all the way through the meal, and clean up.

If that approach didn't work I would chose a more direct approach of closing the kitchen til said person and I chatted about responsibilities...The only way this would change is if... He was working all day and you stay at home.

Also you have to ask does he do other things that frees up time for you both. And he has state "you " need to remind him. Easy just tell him that am btw. darlin tonight is a night out... Kitchen will be closed...

Good luck.. Bottom line tell him how you feel

Leave little notes that look like love notes..saying things like ..'a gift from you would be nice once in a while' 'surprise me' 'be spontaneous' 'let's do something fun' 'take me out' 'come on don't be so boring'..maybe he will get the hint with notes?

Actually due to what little info you have given. One part of me wants to say see ya later as you walk out the door, to go out to eat each night and let him fend for himself.. Actually those kinds I have shown the door.. I don't like being taken for granted or ignored...

I'm one of those that hey if this ain't working it is time to move on. Either show me you want to be with me, or I will show you the door.. And I'm not talking gifts I'm talking romance..


But then I have to question do you work outside the home? Due to you mentioned he gives you all the money you need..

Even I will admit what times I did not work when married. I keep the house clean, cooked the meals and did all the clean up hell even did the yard work.. And did no expect them to buy me things... But I did expect the romance that goes along with the relationship. Which can be done and shown without buying gifts.


So in a way it sounds like the romance has went to the way side and it is time to do a bit of spicing up the relationship. Communication is the key, people that have not learned to talk with the one they are with about anything. Will never know the full benefit of communication.

It sounds like he is probably not treating her like a lady enough for her to be happy as a woman in a relationship with a man. Play some songs by Joe and hum to them while doing dishes or whatever that you do when you feel he doesn't notice you, maybe he will get the message subliminally. If that doesn't work try shaking him to wake him up.

sometimes the more you do for someone the more they expect you to do

try doing less

isn't that why you get married in the first place... to be each other's maid..mechanic.. paycheck...

Hummm not the reasons I got married. I can make my own living, clean my own house and pay a mechanic ohhh yea that is what I already do..

Most that I know got married and it was not for what the other could do for them but rather how the other enhanced their life....

Shhhh.. back into the kitchen with you..

Doing less always backfires. This problem has always existed for women. I don't know, it sounds like he is getting too comfortable with her and for him this is good, for her not good.

certainly communicate that you are feeling this way
and hopefully you can both come to some kind of compromise
but if he continues to do nothing
why would you continue to do it all?

exactly