How many of you girls here have made that 'mistake' in the past, gotten involved with a man based on the potential you know he's got? Thinking he will at some point get access to that potential, and thinking you can help him achieve that, but of course this never happens. All that happens is that both get unhappy in the relationship ..

How many have been there and how have you dealt with it since?

How do you switch off your ability to see/sense/feel a man's potential?

You think it's possible to ever stay in the 'here and now' so to speak, and fall for a man the way he IS right here and now and not for what he CAN be (his potential)?

In a way I know how to do it, but knowing and doing are 2 different things ..

Actually have never thought about what their potentials could be... I tend to fall for the way they are at the moment and what they are like at that time...

At my age they are who they are and don't expect anything more from them...

Amen.
I have no intention of continually poking that turkey
to see if it is done yet.

I'm just wondering about those who have tried and perhaps failed...Those who have dreams, aspirations, ambitions, work ethic, and a bit of bad luck...???..or perhaps the sweetest "emotionally stable" persons....whom lack focus and maybe you could be their "key"??

is this the same as thinking you can help the other person?

I dated someone who was introduced by my cousin. I figured she knows me and that I'm boring and old fashioned. goody two shoes as she calls me.
so I figured he was a good guy. he had his good moments but he also had a lot of things going on including addiction.
by the time I realized I was in waaayyy over my head and completely ignorant of that kind of lifestyle, we'd been together for a while.
I'm someone who gives it all I know how to. I thought I could help him.
it was a destructive relationship. with the last shreds of my pride, I left and told him I had to love myself more than that.
I know now I can't help people. if I think there is something they should change, it'sumy cue right from the start that this is not something I want to get myself into.

I think it is closely related to wanting to help other people. A lot of women have (had) that tendency to always want to help (even when not asked).

For me it's not that I'm thinking about their potential, I'm so bluddy intuitive that I often automatically simply know / sense it..

In other words, how many women have dated a man with the idea of changing him?

Hmm, I think when you're in a hormonal race to catch up to everyone who is in a relationship you do this. If you aren't in a hurry then it just happens, the question is if you suppress it or not.

Just make sure it's moist and attached to a gravy boat.
Turkey-wise.

who can try to change another to "their most potential" without first deeming one self superior.

such is simply a way of trying to make others one's own puppet, believing another should do and speak as "self believes they should".

huh...

who would actually want to change a thing for anything that deems it self so superior as to so see it self as an authority and overlord of another...

so much so to believe another should be one's slave, doing and speaking as one "imagines" in their own mind another "should be" all to make THEM SELF HAPPY?

don't all human's rebel against such silly SLAVE notions as good...

well, unless of course, it be those who think they might "get something", for them self, outta of the deal, but even in the end these take flight from such slave mentalities, seeing what they are "getting" be not near worth accepting the demands and insistence of what another "should be"...

to get their "treats" from their overlord like a good little puppy dog.

smiles

funny thing is.. most women today look for the potential.. in the man to bring home the bacon.. the more potential to bring home the bacon..
the higher the chance to be having breakfast, in the morning together..
Lol..

not sure what u mean do i like him as he is right now ... not thinking ahead or what are future may hold ... or do I see and support the potential someone has ...I am generally the supporting one ...wow u can do that and have faith they can ... an be positive for a certain extent of time ... but they have to want it to ...

Almost the first thing most women ask me is (What kinda job do I have and what type of car I drive) So then I say homeless and I drive a Honda I never seem to hear from them again

So I don't know about women on this site but women away from the computer screen sure does base it off that.

I tend to see people as putty, they will always be changing, some in little and others in big ways

there has to be a substantial amount about the version of them in the PRESENT that appeals to me, and almost always something about the potential of what they are going to be come,, and by extension what we are going to achieve together,,,


but I never set out to 'fix' anyone,, I feel I can be with them the way they are OR even better


never settling for what I don't really want now in HOPES that it will be something different later

If a man were to openly say that he was dating a woman with the hope of changing her, then what would women say in response to that?

, this is why I love the English language

tone, context, choice of words, can so completely alter a message


I think successful men(successful at relationships) would never say they want to 'change' a woman, as change is culturally viewed as some indication of being inferior,,,,instead of a reality of living

they may say

"I want to inspire you', or 'I want you to feel motivated' or 'I know you can do anything you set your mind to'

which are ways to say you expect or hope for positive change, without ever mentioning the 'C' word itself,,,

That is why a man will be insulted if his girlfriend believes that he needs to change.

I always wonder if they have the POTENTIAL for great abs.