Thank you
I'm enjoying it as well on a sunny Sunday afternoon :) Lots of good stuff coming up!

I am so looking forward to it. :-)

Not at all... heart matters

Yes, agree with that.
Kind of makes you wonder about that rule-book, doesn't it? Why do we create one to begin with? Maybe the make ourselves feel more comfortable, maybe makes it easier to deal with rejection and/or not having found someone yet? After all you can then say "He doesn't comply with my rule-book!"
If it's true that it's mostly women that think when it comes to this, whereas men feel (according to this book, which so far rings true in everything the author stated), then I guess it's mostly women that have rule-books, not men?
Hence men here complaining sometimes about us with our 'demands' and 'lists'.
Hmmm ... lots of insights! Which I like. Instead of bickering at each other, we may get some more understanding of the other gender.

we can talk about this for hours ...and days ...but on the end everybody is different , everybody looking for somthing else ...and waht would works for me it is noy gonna work for you ....as i said it is all about the connection that click ,energy,body language,smile,attitude, it could be anything ...and you just know in that specific momemnt if you would like to know that person more or not... and thats the beauty of it ...

I dunno about finding balance. Or if I go for looks first. What has always attracted me is just the way we "click" or should I say how we interact with each other. I'm attracted to a wide variety of appearances as well so that doesn't help. But if when we are out together and the things she says and does give me goosebumps or make a moment out of the simplest things I'm hooked.

You are right on target, my rulebook was based on past experiences and negative things said by people on dating sites, one in particular and it was not Mingle. I think there is a possibility when or if I find that woman, there will be things not in that rulebook. Flexibility is a huge key. Rulebook based on fantasy will only lead to disappointment and missing out on something special.

Thank you for posting, KLC. I like the way you think.

For what it's worth, when I look back at my relationships with women, I would have to say that it has been about how it made me feel. People on here sometimes give me a bit of a hard time for choosing the "wrong" women and for putting up with things from girlfriends that I supposedly shouldn't have to put up with. When I have ended relationships it has generally been because they weren't making me feel good anymore and it's not about what anyone says that I shouldn't have to put up with but what I can't bear. I had a very difficult relationship with a woman that went on for years but I only finished it when she did something that made me feel really unhappy. It wasn't that I didn't think about it because I did but it was that feeling and not some rational decision that made me want to end it. My last girlfriend totally messed me around as well but I still can't bring myself to feel badly about her.

It seems to me that women do have a lot of requirements and demands and they do make things more complicated than they need to be. I've never had a girlfriend that didn't do that anyway, even when they were the ones that said that they didn't want anything serious or complicated. When I talked about the relationship with my ex with her she said that it was too complicated but she was the one doing that and I was just trying to enjoy being with her.

Indeed true that you should base it on life's experiences as well. The only bummer is that I think most people base it on the bad stuff, as in "I don't ever want a man/woman who does this that and the other". I think it's important to go for a positive approach, not state what you do NOT want, but state what you DO want (many ppl don't even know what they do want, only what they do not want!).
Meaning you've learnt from past experiences and grown because of it, as opposed to still being hurt by them.
For some this might be self-explanatory, but I think for a great many people it isn't. Just check people's profile texts, most are written in negatives: "I don't want this, if you are like that, move on, you're not for me!" and so on and so forth.
Based on those negatives people create a list of demands/rule-book.
I did some reading on how to make a really good, appealing profile text and the most important thing is to steer clear from those negatives. State what you do want, not what you do not want.

Point I'm trying to make: people base their rule-book on past experiences, but most don't do it the right way (and possibly aren't even aware of it).

I was basing mine on good and bad experiences. My best relationships with women were ones that maintained a positive outlook, a sense of humor and very intelligent. The bad ones were the poor poor pitiful me ones and ones that it was only about them and it was everyone's fault.

So true, many profiles are negative in nature and all they do is make me grateful that I don't know them. A profile that is a well thought out and well expressed will at least get people to read them and hopefully it goes from there.

I think looks are in our head,, that is to say, we learn to associate certain physical attributes with certain emotions and then those attributes cause those emotions,,,,like pavlovs experiment,,, but that's another topic,,lol

anyway, in REAL TIME, Id say that looks definitely can be one thing that catch my attention , but character and personality are what cause me to 'feel'

someone with the right character becomes more and more physically attractive to me over time,,

and someone with crappy character becomes less physically attractive

so, Id say, its character and personality that win everytime in the REAL WORLD

online, its easier to narrow things down with photos and THEN check the profile for character and compatibility...

Pavlov's Experiment is a great analogy, I wrote a blog about that last year.

Well thank you, pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Looks are definitely important, as that's how it's all going to start. If either one is not attracted to the other, they're not going to start dating and get to the part of how they make each other feel.

Looks are not as important to me as it was when I was younger.

They are somewhat important, and the attraction has to be there.

That falls under the category of being mature and intelligent. :-)

Maybe, or maybe just becoming less picky because you aren't attracting the young dolly birds the way that you used to when you were younger.

I think that it's a bit of both. I wasn't that interested if they weren't very glamourous until I did date women that I wasn't mainly just going for because of how they looked. It's true that they seem more atractive when you start to really like them, or even just get used to them. It's basically about aquiring a taste for something that you might not have tried before and you can also go off what you used to like.

well said.

They are pretty important at first. It's kinda like how peacocks get their mates. The brighter and more colorful they are the more attractive they are to the ladies lol I'm not saying the guy needs to be perfect but he needs to have good hygiene and not look like he rolled out of bed.