@ Indignus, could you tell a bit more about that? What could make a woman less attractive to you and what more? Not asking for personal details, but what is it she does/makes you feel that makes her less or more attractive?

Having personality traits that I find attractive in a person, like selflessness, honest, consideration, understanding, temperance, acceptance, nonjudgmental, her type of humor, the way she thinks or type of ideas she has, self sufficient, and things like that. If I'm having a lot of fun and I really enjoy her I will start to see her as more attractive physically.

Similarly if she tries to manipulate me, asks me to do things for her that she can do on her own, is obnoxious, rude, controlling, inconsiderate, selfish, narrow minded, unforgiving and all that I will start to see her as less attractive physically

How she makes me feel is a big part of it, but not how she makes me feel physically with her body or how much she can turn me on. How happy, content, and fulfilled I am around her is whats important too me. How she feels about me and why is also very important too me when deciding if I want to be more then friends with her.

What is this book called?

I have experienced being in a relationship with men belonging to both extremes. With my habibi, his physical attributes initially caught my attention; but his good character, his outstanding intellect and his remarkable personality kept me there.

I'm thinking looks are more about the initial attraction? But even then, I don't need someone to be an Adonis, it's more about the vibe, the way he moves, look in his eyes etc. So basically comes down to confidence again. At first glance I wouldn't 'go' for a guy with a belly, but having said that, I do know this guy who is very confident (not cocky, confident), he does have quite the tum, so not an Adonis in that sense. But dang, is that man sexy! Women swarm around him, even though he's married and has that tum! Stupid thing is, you aren't even aware of his physique at all when you're talking to him. He's just very attractive.

From your description, he has mojo. Similar to a commercial here in the US with the "Most interesting man in the world" - Stay thirsty my friend.

I'm thinking looks are more about the initial attraction? But even then, I don't need someone to be an Adonis, it's more about the vibe, the way he moves, look in his eyes etc. So basically comes down to confidence again. At first glance I wouldn't 'go' for a guy with a belly, but having said that, I do know this guy who is very confident (not cocky, confident), he does have quite the tum, so not an Adonis in that sense. But dang, is that man sexy! Women swarm around him, even though he's married and has that tum! Stupid thing is, you aren't even aware of his physique at all when you're talking to him. He's just very attractive.

I have experienced being in a relationship with men belonging to both extremes. With my habibi, his physical attributes initially caught my attention; but his good character, his outstanding intellect and his remarkable personality kept me there.

I have experienced being in a relationship with men belonging to both extremes. With my habibi, his physical attributes initially caught my attention; but his good character, his outstanding intellect and his remarkable personality kept me there.

Here is another serving of food for thought, we all have parameters in what we want in the perfect person. Would the 'love of our life' somehow navigate around or perhaps fall through the cracks of our rules and regulations? That person would redefine the rulebook or make us just throw the thing out.

Here is another serving of food for thought, we all have parameters in what we want in the perfect person. Would the 'love of our life' somehow navigate around or perhaps fall through the cracks of our rules and regulations? That person would redefine the rulebook or make us just throw the thing out.

There was this wonderful exercise in this book that could help get an answer to that question. It was about imagining the relationship you dream of. It starts in bed when you wake up with him/her next to you and look in each other's eyes.
Then you have to imagine what the rest of the day would look like with this person in your ideal relationship. In detail, till the moment you are in bed again and fall asleep in each other's arms. Preferably write it down.
I was reluctant to do it, but decided to give it a go. I got an A4.
And the insight was amazing:
It has NOTHING to do with him being handsome, slim, tall or whatever. It's all about the interaction, the vibe. You then have to find three things in the story that stand out to you. And think of what the core meaning of those are.
Amazing! I came up with 4 instead of 3.

And it made it clear that having a rule-book can limit your chances of finding the right person. It's about the interaction, the connection. Difficult to set up parameters for those.
I think the best way to set up some form of parameter is by writing the right profile text? If that has the right, real vibe of who you are, it might help you attract the partner with whom you can have this great relationship.