I'm asking this because of what I read last night. A book that states that men fall for how a woman makes him feel and woman tend to stay in there heads more and think.
So if this is true, how important are looks to you, asking both men and women, but PLEASE without any men or women bashing. We have enough of that in other topics. I'm asking to be honest and open.

If it's about how a woman makes you feel, what is the role of looks? And which looks matter to you, just a woman's face, eyes and the body is less important? What if a woman has a gorgeous body but she looks like the back-end of a bus? What if she has neither a pretty face or great body, but makes you feel great!
(Deliberately making the examples extreme, I know it's never black & white.)

One more question: if it indeed is about how a woman makes you feel, then what exactly is it you need/want to feel to start loving a woman? What is this feeling?

I like a perfect balance of looks and personality. Everybody is different though and go for different things? I'm lucky that my girlfriend has both. I wouldn't change one thing about her!

a woman could look like anything, its all down to how she makes me feel, yeah

saying that I can't help but be physically attracted to slender women who do yoga and look after themselves. A pretty face makes me weak too. Plump full lips and big eyes make me turn to mush but if she's as dense as a toilet brush it's going to get very dull very quickly

Dense as a toilet brush? LOL

So could you elaborate on what that feeling is? If she makes you feel 'that' way, what is 'that'?

I usually get attracted to their voice first, and then see where it goes from there. There's a lot you can tell by the tone in their voice. I can figure their personality, from hearing them talk. It tell's you a lot. If I feel a vibe from that, then that's always a good thing with me. What matters to me, is that he will try his hardest to make it work. I can't be with a guy who has poor communication skills, regardless of how he looks, or how good he might be in bed.

to feel like I can start to love a woman.. not all that much really. not to 'start' loving them anyway. a good understanding of one another, and who makes you feel stronger for being with them? That's the best feeling, when someone makes you feel like you're flying just because they made you your favourite sandwich. its as though every atom in your body grows ten feet tall and you can do anything. 'That' feeling is unavoidable when it happens, and it's the single best thing about existing

Sexy is an attitude baby that's all there is to it. Been around the world and the most beautiful women can completely be off the list simply bc they don't have the attitude. The sexiest women simpLy means the woman who's attitude turns me on and makes ME feel like a king. In turn I want to show her the queen she is

I'm more attracted to personality, but it may also be because I'm physically attracted to a wide range of women. I've also noticed that the more I get to know a person the more or less physically attractive they become to me depending on their personality.

I have to find a woman attractive, that is not to say she needs to be an Ex-Miss World candidate, but there has to be a physical attraction in the way they look and providing they are not at the extremes of weight and height. A woman's personality is far more important, gentleness and serenity I find very attractive attributes.

"In the eye of the beholder" comes into play. In the real world, I have to see body language, the way she smiles, the way she carries a conversation, is everything about her? I enjoy nice walks, is she in physical shape to go on extended walks. I don't care if the woman takes yoga or goes to the gym, whatever. There has to be chemistry and that includes intangibles, that I can't put into words this early in the morning. Intelligence goes a long way with me.

In the fast food world called online dating, that is another story. I look for two things: Does the woman show her personality in her photos and what does she look like without makeup. I like the forums, it provides an alternative or enhances what is written in a profile. A picture has to catch the eye, think of it as a resume, you have a few seconds to a minute to catch the eye of someone.

"In the eye of the beholder" there has to be something in the picture that grabs your attention and then (at least to me) you have to something to say that keeps my attention and makes a person want to know more about you.

This is a great question to ask Crystal.

I dont focus totally on looks. A guy can look good an then once you start to know him he doesn't look so appealing anymore. Then there is the guy that you wouldn't date because of his looks but as you get to know him he becomes more appealing and you find yourself falling for him.

Every woman I dated had some traits in common but were unique in their own way. I don't regret any of my former relationships, I learned about what I want. I am still learning. I am having trouble defining a clear cut answer to this question.

I am a passionate person who believes in intimacy and romance. I do have guidelines in what I want, for example, you have to be in my age range, Early 40's to Early 50's. Whether it is online and/or the outside world, you have to be romantic. That is key. As someone posted last night, you should want someone, not need someone.

I do not like insecurity or desperation in a person, that is another topic.

As I mentioned earlier, I don't have a concise answer to this question.

I need more coffee.

Looks have become less important to me over the years. With my last few girlfriends, I really wasn't sure that they were my type when I saw what they looked like . What a woman's body is like tends to be more important to me. When I started to date middle aged women I began to become aware of facial features that made them seem less pretty to me and I focused more on body shape. If I had to choose between someone that had nice breasts and some sort of facial disfigurement or a girl that was built like a boy with a pretty face I think that I would go for the former but that's the superficial stuff and it's the personality that really gets me. I'm fairly easy to seduce because I respond to flirting. I'm atracted to women that are atracted to me and turned off when they fail to show that sort of interest in me and then it doesn't matter how nice looking they are. Maybe that's what you want to know when you're asking about how a woman makes me feel?

@Thank you Mr_MR_MR

@ Indignus, could you tell a bit more about that? What could make a woman less attractive to you and what more? Not asking for personal details, but what is it she does/makes you feel that makes her less or more attractive?


Now that is exactly what the books says as well ... That a man wants to feel respected etc. which in turn makes him want to please her, make her happy.

If she's feminine, and confident (meaning not pushy and clingy etc), he will be able to open up as well.
I understand what the author is getting at, but dang, it's so difficult! She says (and I wholeheartedly agree) that women have been trained to do masculine things by and in society: achieve, accomplish, plan, control and so on (all masculine energy things) in order to be successful. I agree. So we've been 'brainwashed' and automatically keep doing these things when we get home, which doesn't compute with a masculine man. But changing that ... pffff...

Silly thing is I feel most women want to be feminine (I'm not talking about twirling a sexy @$$-feminine, but the feminine that means not controlling, fussing, clinging etc.) and want the man to be in control so to speak. But we simply don't know how to do this anymore?
If I speak for myself, it's scary? So not used to being vulnerable, it just takes guts to do that. The fact I choose the word "Vulnerable" speaks for itself, as being feminine is not weak or vulnerable, yet it feels that way.
So I probably stay in the 'control mode' too much as well, so I don't feel scared. And I'm sure it works that way for many women. Yet deep down I long, crave for that strong man that lets me be all woman.
Nice predicament, haha.

@ Alex, thank you. Yes, it's a good one to think about, isn't it? And some insight in what makes a man or woman tick is great!

I can't feel attracted to a guy, before I get to know him. Which is exactly why I choose to be friends first. And I'm sorry if some don't believe that. Whatever. Everyone is different. Just because some don't go for image, no need to shoot them for it. I'm bringing this up, because I got sent a nasty e-mail (If he's reading this, well it's his own damn fault), from a guy, for not accepting his "well-toned body". Well excuse me mr, there's more substance to me, than he could ever have in his personality. It's pathetic the way some are so vain. Don't get angry with ME. Get angry at yourself. Get angry at those who influenced you to be that way.

Then get more coffee, I like your input, haha

Not much as I am not a looker myself so I don't make appearance a prime factor

A good relationship starts with a friendship, that is so true. I believe most people online believe it in their heart to be true but typical of the instant gratification world we live in, that philosophy is ignored. The ones who don't get it, well the odds are they will be the ones posting cutting edge topics like "Where are the real men/women?"

I have to be careful with the coffee, then I will posting at 100 miles an hour. Not sure if that is a good thing.

Well, this is the problem that I have with it too. Sometimes I meet women that are nice enough looking but not what I think of as feminine and then I just can't really tell if they're interested in me or not, or might become interested if I show an interest in them. On the other hand, sometimes they might be very feminine and flirtacious but it's hard to tell if that means anything. At the end of the day, all that I can really do is to cut to the chase and ask them. I'm a big boy now and I can handle the rejection and like I said, it's a turn off for me anyway when they aren't interested.