I try to cut out the drama bringers so there is peace in my marriage, I don't want any personality changes unless it is for the better!

I myself have never had that happen in my marriage. I never lost a friend that way either .In fact I have never lost a "real" friend.

Unfortunately I have on both counts. So I guess they weren't "real" after all were they?

No I don't think they were.
first of all a real friend would not want to come between you and your spouse nor would they drop you because of meeting someone.
I think if you are a true friend you can talk things out and work them out.
JMO.I AM sure others will disagree.

I Agree!

Thanks Toody.
I myself have had some real arguments with my friends...but they are still my friends. Why? because our friendship means more to us than any argument or misunderstanding.

Yeah, sometimes though the friend will come and slag the person off to their friends and family and they are having problems in their relationship and people take sides.

I don´t think personality changes, it´s more a thing of priorities.

While being single It´s normal to enjoy your family and friends first, but when you aren´t anymore then you probably change that and put more effort in the relationship with your partner than the relationship with your friends or family. It sucks for the neglected part, that´s true. But we have to understand and respect that "that friend" is going for his/her happy ending. Real friends will just wait and give them space and be there for the good and bad moments, like a safenet. Of course there are limits we have to established and if the friendship isn´t going to work anymore, then sadly we have to let go.

It's hard to "please" everyone and make everyone happy all the time...Sometimes life gets busy or complicated. Or we have a lot on our "plate" and have trouble "juggling" everything. (All at the same time.)...I try to cut my friends some "slack" when they are facing new situations or challenges in their life. (Like getting remarried...Or dealing with health issues...Or starting a demanding new job etc...Or when they have other situations in their lives that take up most of their time.)...I tell them not to worry about me! But I let them know that I'll "be there" for them if they need me... Otherwise I'll stay on the sidelines and I won't "guilt-trip" them. Or put pressure on them to stay in touch with me all the time...I let them take the "lead" in other words.

I agree this is a big mistake when someone who brings their family into the relationship....in fact it is "his" family that scares me ....even when I do not even know who "he" is yet...lol

I agree...I wouldn't want to be part of any "Romeo and Juliet" type of scenarios where family members (or friends) try to keep me apart from someone. Or ruin or damage the love I feel for someone...Where it becomes a question of loyalty and which "clan" I belong to and value the most etc...Sometimes couples have to split-off a bit to form a brand new "union" of their very own.

Young, cute, and wise! Good post KittyKat...In the first few months, new relationships are all encompassing because falling in love is such a "heady" experience...It is a special time that should be respected and understood by friends and family...Real friends give new love space...They do not interfere, they do not judge ...True friends offer only unconditional support...They understand in time the newness of the relationship will settle down and things will get back to normal...They know that is when they will have the opportunity to get to get involved, get to know their friends partner and hopefully welcome her or him with opens arms because they respect their friends choice and take joy in his or her newfound happiness....

Thanks Leigh!! *blushing* I totally agree with you. There´s a time for everyone and for everything we just have to respect that, a let it be. Friends are safenets, and even though maybe they could not like the partner their friend choose, still they will have to respect that and be there for everything that could happen. =D Have a great and wonderful day!!!

After reading this entire thread and understanding each person’s valid point of view about how one person changes toward their friends after getting together with someone new, I’m left looking at this picture from a two sided, rather than a one sided view, via the personal experience that friends on both sides of any new relationship can feel left out. This kind of personality shift on both partners part to focus solely on each other while keeping friends and family members at a distance could be a mutually agreed upon effort to give them the time and space they both need to achieve the deeper connection they seek and may find easier to reach without having to explain or defend their personal choices that those closest to them might not agree with. My personal feelings about the involvement of friends in others relationships is that if they are true friends to both partners separately, than together they will accept and enjoy the company of their friends new partners once the time comes for meeting and mingling. And if any of the friendships don’t last than perhaps the friendships weren’t as strong or as close as first thought, and now that the choice of new partners has caused a division, those that aren’t in it for the long haul move on. Come see, come saw.(jmho)

Thank you Athena. I agree with what you wrote.
People should never interfere with somebody's relationship.

However the people that I was talking about are the ones that once they get involved with somebody new they become nasty to their friends simply because their new partner is jealous or something.
That's what I have trouble understanding.

Thank you Green eyes.

I know of man that is 34 that had 4 really good friends he had since grade school .They were very close . They have all since married and remained very close friends. Except for one ,because his new wife is jealous of his friends and she makes such a fuss when they want to get together he won't go. He can not invite them to his house and he will not go to theirs unless she is with him.
I think is awful and plain nasty.

Jealous or something? In other words, you don't really know and you are assuming.

I said that at the very beginning.

have noticed this so many times when people get into a relationship.
Some become very mellow and seem happier and nicer than ever. That I can I understand, It is when they claim to be so in love and yet they become mean and nasty to others including people that once were their friends. My only guess is either they are not as happy as they say they are or Jealousy has reared its ugly head.
What are your thoughts?

Hi Betty... I wasn't suggesting that family and friends were "interfering", only that new couples enjoy their one on one alone time, and when it’s time to meet and mingle with their partners friends then they will know who the tried and true really are, and who will be left by the wayside. It has been my experience that every new couple desires this honeymoon phase, and doesn’t necessarily imply that there are problems with friends that cause a division so deep that either partner defends their new relationship by becoming mean or nasty to either sides friends…

However, I think I am misunderstanding your point that one partner in the relationship lost, or chased off their friends by becoming mean and nasty to them, and that jealousy may have something to do with why their personality changed toward their friends. This picture isn’t clear to me specifically, I was responding more to the overall impression I got from reading everyone’s response to your original post.

If you wouldn’t mind though, could you give an example to your following statement… “It is when they claim to be so in love and yet they become mean and nasty to others including people that once were their friends. My only guess is either they are not as happy as they say they are or Jealousy has reared its ugly head.” I don’t understand who you are referring too as not being as happy as they seem to be, are you talking about the couple, or the friends of the couple, or the couple and their friends? And how does jealousy play a part in causing a division if the relationships involved were on a firm foundation to begin with?

My thoughts are that you are talking from personal experience and about your friends. I don't know any of these people.

You say that you would never interfere. Well, okay but you do seem to be taking sides and saying that sometimes one of your friends in this situation becomes "mean and nasty" to some of your other friends. How do you know that those other friends weren't gosiping or interfering and that's the reason for it?