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| Topic: Personality changes | |
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I have noticed this so many times when people get into a relationship. Some become very mellow and seem happier and nicer than ever. That I can I understand, It is when they claim to be so in love and yet they become mean and nasty to others including people that once were their friends. My only guess is either they are not as happy as they say they are or Jealousy has reared its ugly head. What are your thoughts? it's not a phenonmenon I am familiar with so I can't say, but it sounds like things are not working because there is unhappiness. unless of course friends or family are interfering inappropriately, that can piss anyone off I do know that for a marriage or marriage - like relationship, your partner's needs & the needs of the relationship have to take priority most of the time. That is hard to understand for someone who has never been married or been with someone very long term. If you do not wish to spend a large percentage of your free time with your partner, you are either with the wrong person, or not mature enough for marriage, or both but no one should be asked to give up their same gender friends or certain activities like running partners, golf buds, etc why just a same gender friend? Do you think a woman should have to give up her male friends or vice versa? I cannot say what others should do, but I would think opposite gender friendships would of course continue. But for me spending a lot of time with opposite gender friends without my partner, out side of a group activity (like a hobby club of some sort)...being alone, would not be appropriate. It is not something I would do |
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I have seen many of relationships end because of the same issue... I will always stay true to my friends. ONE person must be very controlled by the other if they have to give up their friends . So true. 
I just don't understand this whole concept. I had friends my husband did not like but he NEVER thought or even implied I should give them up.Likewise he too had friends I was not fond of but he still kept them. |
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I have noticed this so many times when people get into a relationship. Some become very mellow and seem happier and nicer than ever. That I can I understand, It is when they claim to be so in love and yet they become mean and nasty to others including people that once were their friends. My only guess is either they are not as happy as they say they are or Jealousy has reared its ugly head. What are your thoughts? it's not a phenonmenon I am familiar with so I can't say, but it sounds like things are not working because there is unhappiness. unless of course friends or family are interfering inappropriately, that can piss anyone off I do know that for a marriage or marriage - like relationship, your partner's needs & the needs of the relationship have to take priority most of the time. That is hard to understand for someone who has never been married or been with someone very long term. If you do not wish to spend a large percentage of your free time with your partner, you are either with the wrong person, or not mature enough for marriage, or both but no one should be asked to give up their same gender friends or certain activities like running partners, golf buds, etc why just a same gender friend? Do you think a woman should have to give up her male friends or vice versa? I cannot say what others should do, but I would think opposite gender friendships would of course continue. But for me spending a lot of time with opposite gender friends without my partner, out side of a group activity (like a hobby club of some sort)...being alone, would not be appropriate. It is not something I would do No not spending a lot of time alone ,but they still should be able to remain friends I would think. Just in case some people are wondering I am strictly talking about real Life and not cyber friends as that is something totally different in my opinion. |
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Sometimes people just need their friends too much and let themselves be treated badly by them. You say to them that they shouldn't put up with whatever it is and they say, "But they are my friends". Maybe when someone gets into a relationship they realise that they don't need to put up with whatever it is that they don't like about their friends anymore because they have somebody special that's more than just a so-called "friend". Have you guys thought about that? well in that case they were the so called friends and not the others. Friends are not so called..they are either a friend or they are not. But in the case you are describing they were the one that was never the friend because they were just using people who did consider them friends until somebody better came along. If they really allowed these people to treat them badly until they met somebody then good chance their partner will too. Still sounds to me like thaey have the issues , not their friends. Using them for what? Friendship? What a wonderful world you must live in where "friends" are just nice people that all get on together and it's not about being part of a clique and peer pressure. Anyway, there are just some people that want to be "popular" or hang about with a crowd and maybe that is their problem because they can't just be their own person. Never had a friend put on you or talking about you behind your back or just doing any number of other things that are annoying? Me, I've never really been into conforming and just going along with the crowd. I'm a misfit if you like. I just say that I'm my own man and I don't much care for other people telling me or other people what to do in order to fit in. Approval and disapproval are just two sides of the same coin. The "nice" people are often just people that like to criticise other people that they think aren't nice. Very few people in this world aren't negative in some way. |
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Sometimes people just need their friends too much and let themselves be treated badly by them. You say to them that they shouldn't put up with whatever it is and they say, "But they are my friends". Maybe when someone gets into a relationship they realise that they don't need to put up with whatever it is that they don't like about their friends anymore because they have somebody special that's more than just a so-called "friend". Have you guys thought about that? well in that case they were the so called friends and not the others. Friends are not so called..they are either a friend or they are not. But in the case you are describing they were the one that was never the friend because they were just using people who did consider them friends until somebody better came along. If they really allowed these people to treat them badly until they met somebody then good chance their partner will too. Still sounds to me like thaey have the issues , not their friends. Using them for what? Friendship? What a wonderful world you must live in where "friends" are just nice people that all get on together and it's not about being part of a clique and peer pressure. Anyway, there are just some people that want to be "popular" or hang about with a crowd and maybe that is their problem because they can't just be their own person. Never had a friend put on you or talking about you behind your back or just doing any number of other things that are annoying? Me, I've never really been into conforming and just going along with the crowd. I'm a misfit if you like. I just say that I'm my own man and I don't much care for other people telling me or other people what to do in order to fit in. Approval and disapproval are just two sides of the same coin. The "nice" people are often just people that like to criticise other people that they think aren't nice. Very few people in this world aren't negative in some way. After reading the whole thread TWICE  I tend to agree with you Tawt...You speak to the question based on logic and intellect rather than emotion relating to negative experience...
Betty, what you are talking about has a name, it's called social rejection...The "personality changes" you refer to can and often are the result of that person being socially rejected either by one individual or a group...It is real and it occurs all the time…The rejection can be actively displayed as in teasing, bullying, and ridiculing, it can be passively displayed as in ignoring, or it can be a combination of both…It happens everywhere, in families, in neighborhoods, in the workplace, at school, in social clubs and activities, at church, on the internet... Since social rejection is subjective it can be perceived when it's not actually happening and it can easily be denied by those doing it when they are called out on it….As I said, it can be done individually or by groups and/or cliques….On some level, being socially rejected or rejecting another is a FACT OF LIFE….All you can do is get used to it and learn how to deal with it, because it's not going away…Those who deny ever being party to it by pretending they do not understand it, or by playing "victim" are often trying to justify their own part in rejecting someone…Prolonged social rejection is serious business... It can lead to adverse psychological effects that can even cause the person being rejected to commit suicide…When done to an individual by an entire group, negative effects intensify and can include feelings of hopelessness, pronounced loneliness, low self-esteem, depression, and even aggression….Rather than try to deny social rejection exists, instead of trying to label it as jealously or insecurity, adults who feel a need to question it would be better off educating themselves as to cause, effect , and appropriate methods of dealing with the fallout when it happens to them or someone they are close to..IMHO, anyone who makes a choice to try and second guess the actions of another instead of asking them directly will probably fare better if they begin that process with an open mind... |
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Well I decided I'll just change to an arsehole once I get married, if I do.
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Sometimes people just need their friends too much and let themselves be treated badly by them. You say to them that they shouldn't put up with whatever it is and they say, "But they are my friends". Maybe when someone gets into a relationship they realise that they don't need to put up with whatever it is that they don't like about their friends anymore because they have somebody special that's more than just a so-called "friend". Have you guys thought about that? well in that case they were the so called friends and not the others. Friends are not so called..they are either a friend or they are not. But in the case you are describing they were the one that was never the friend because they were just using people who did consider them friends until somebody better came along. If they really allowed these people to treat them badly until they met somebody then good chance their partner will too. Still sounds to me like thaey have the issues , not their friends. Using them for what? Friendship? What a wonderful world you must live in where "friends" are just nice people that all get on together and it's not about being part of a clique and peer pressure. Anyway, there are just some people that want to be "popular" or hang about with a crowd and maybe that is their problem because they can't just be their own person. Never had a friend put on you or talking about you behind your back or just doing any number of other things that are annoying? Me, I've never really been into conforming and just going along with the crowd. I'm a misfit if you like. I just say that I'm my own man and I don't much care for other people telling me or other people what to do in order to fit in. Approval and disapproval are just two sides of the same coin. The "nice" people are often just people that like to criticise other people that they think aren't nice. Very few people in this world aren't negative in some way. well I do not live in a perfect world .I am far from perfect and neither are my friends. I just do not understand why some people can change drastically after becoming involved with someone. I still believe that somehow the person they are involved with is somehow controlling them. |
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Sometimes people just need their friends too much and let themselves be treated badly by them. You say to them that they shouldn't put up with whatever it is and they say, "But they are my friends". Maybe when someone gets into a relationship they realise that they don't need to put up with whatever it is that they don't like about their friends anymore because they have somebody special that's more than just a so-called "friend". Have you guys thought about that? well in that case they were the so called friends and not the others. Friends are not so called..they are either a friend or they are not. But in the case you are describing they were the one that was never the friend because they were just using people who did consider them friends until somebody better came along. If they really allowed these people to treat them badly until they met somebody then good chance their partner will too. Still sounds to me like thaey have the issues , not their friends. Using them for what? Friendship? What a wonderful world you must live in where "friends" are just nice people that all get on together and it's not about being part of a clique and peer pressure. Anyway, there are just some people that want to be "popular" or hang about with a crowd and maybe that is their problem because they can't just be their own person. Never had a friend put on you or talking about you behind your back or just doing any number of other things that are annoying? Me, I've never really been into conforming and just going along with the crowd. I'm a misfit if you like. I just say that I'm my own man and I don't much care for other people telling me or other people what to do in order to fit in. Approval and disapproval are just two sides of the same coin. The "nice" people are often just people that like to criticise other people that they think aren't nice. Very few people in this world aren't negative in some way. After reading the whole thread TWICE I tend to agree with you Tawt...You speak to the question based on logic and intellect rather than emotion relating to negative experience...
Betty, what you are talking about has a name, it's called social rejection...The "personality changes" you refer to can and often are the result of that person being socially rejected either by one individual or a group...It is real and it occurs all the time…The rejection can be actively displayed as in teasing, bullying, and ridiculing, it can be passively displayed as in ignoring, or it can be a combination of both…It happens everywhere, in families, in neighborhoods, in the workplace, at school, in social clubs and activities, at church, on the internet... Since social rejection is subjective it can be perceived when it's not actually happening and it can easily be denied by those doing it when they are called out on it….As I said, it can be done individually or by groups and/or cliques….On some level, being socially rejected or rejecting another is a FACT OF LIFE….All you can do is get used to it and learn how to deal with it, because it's not going away…Those who deny ever being party to it by pretending they do not understand it, or by playing "victim" are often trying to justify their own part in rejecting someone…Prolonged social rejection is serious business... It can lead to adverse psychological effects that can even cause the person being rejected to commit suicide…When done to an individual by an entire group, negative effects intensify and can include feelings of hopelessness, pronounced loneliness, low self-esteem, depression, and even aggression….Rather than try to deny social rejection exists, instead of trying to label it as jealously or insecurity, adults who feel a need to question it would be better off educating themselves as to cause, effect , and appropriate methods of dealing with the fallout when it happens to them or someone they are close to..IMHO, anyone who makes a choice to try and second guess the actions of another instead of asking them directly will probably fare better if they begin that process with an open mind... [/quot That sounds more like bullying to me . Am I wrong? |
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Well I decided I'll just change to an arsehole once I get married, if I do. Why? |
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Sometimes people just need their friends too much and let themselves be treated badly by them. You say to them that they shouldn't put up with whatever it is and they say, "But they are my friends". Maybe when someone gets into a relationship they realise that they don't need to put up with whatever it is that they don't like about their friends anymore because they have somebody special that's more than just a so-called "friend". Have you guys thought about that? well in that case they were the so called friends and not the others. Friends are not so called..they are either a friend or they are not. But in the case you are describing they were the one that was never the friend because they were just using people who did consider them friends until somebody better came along. If they really allowed these people to treat them badly until they met somebody then good chance their partner will too. Still sounds to me like thaey have the issues , not their friends. Using them for what? Friendship? What a wonderful world you must live in where "friends" are just nice people that all get on together and it's not about being part of a clique and peer pressure. Anyway, there are just some people that want to be "popular" or hang about with a crowd and maybe that is their problem because they can't just be their own person. Never had a friend put on you or talking about you behind your back or just doing any number of other things that are annoying? Me, I've never really been into conforming and just going along with the crowd. I'm a misfit if you like. I just say that I'm my own man and I don't much care for other people telling me or other people what to do in order to fit in. Approval and disapproval are just two sides of the same coin. The "nice" people are often just people that like to criticise other people that they think aren't nice. Very few people in this world aren't negative in some way. well I do not live in a perfect world .I am far from perfect and neither are my friends. I just do not understand why some people can change drastically after becoming involved with someone. I still believe that somehow the person they are involved with is somehow controlling them. So you want to control them instead or what? This sort of thing happens all the time. Someone gets into a relationship and friends or family don't approve and start poking their noses in and interfering. Then the person is stuck in the middle not knowing who they are supposed to be loyal to. In some cases the new partner may be controlling in some way and they might not like the friends but bad mouthing them and calling them controlling is interfering and poking your nose into someone else's relationship. |
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Sometimes people just need their friends too much and let themselves be treated badly by them. You say to them that they shouldn't put up with whatever it is and they say, "But they are my friends". Maybe when someone gets into a relationship they realise that they don't need to put up with whatever it is that they don't like about their friends anymore because they have somebody special that's more than just a so-called "friend". Have you guys thought about that? well in that case they were the so called friends and not the others. Friends are not so called..they are either a friend or they are not. But in the case you are describing they were the one that was never the friend because they were just using people who did consider them friends until somebody better came along. If they really allowed these people to treat them badly until they met somebody then good chance their partner will too. Still sounds to me like thaey have the issues , not their friends. Using them for what? Friendship? What a wonderful world you must live in where "friends" are just nice people that all get on together and it's not about being part of a clique and peer pressure. Anyway, there are just some people that want to be "popular" or hang about with a crowd and maybe that is their problem because they can't just be their own person. Never had a friend put on you or talking about you behind your back or just doing any number of other things that are annoying? Me, I've never really been into conforming and just going along with the crowd. I'm a misfit if you like. I just say that I'm my own man and I don't much care for other people telling me or other people what to do in order to fit in. Approval and disapproval are just two sides of the same coin. The "nice" people are often just people that like to criticise other people that they think aren't nice. Very few people in this world aren't negative in some way. well I do not live in a perfect world .I am far from perfect and neither are my friends. I just do not understand why some people can change drastically after becoming involved with someone. I still believe that somehow the person they are involved with is somehow controlling them. So you want to control them instead or what? This sort of thing happens all the time. Someone gets into a relationship and friends or family don't approve and start poking their noses in and interfering. Then the person is stuck in the middle not knowing who they are supposed to be loyal to. In some cases the new partner may be controlling in some way and they might not like the friends but bad mouthing them and calling them controlling is interfering and poking your nose into someone else's relationship. you are totally missing what I have been saying. Nobody is showing disapproval. Nobody is poking their noses into anything. Everything was fine until a new person came into the mix and decided they did not want their new found partner to be friends with them, Also I would very much appreciate it if you would quit attacking me personally by saying things like I must live in a perfect world and that I want to control them. I merely said I Have noticed this happen many times. |
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Sometimes people just need their friends too much and let themselves be treated badly by them. You say to them that they shouldn't put up with whatever it is and they say, "But they are my friends". Maybe when someone gets into a relationship they realise that they don't need to put up with whatever it is that they don't like about their friends anymore because they have somebody special that's more than just a so-called "friend". Have you guys thought about that? well in that case they were the so called friends and not the others. Friends are not so called..they are either a friend or they are not. But in the case you are describing they were the one that was never the friend because they were just using people who did consider them friends until somebody better came along. If they really allowed these people to treat them badly until they met somebody then good chance their partner will too. Still sounds to me like thaey have the issues , not their friends. Using them for what? Friendship? What a wonderful world you must live in where "friends" are just nice people that all get on together and it's not about being part of a clique and peer pressure. Anyway, there are just some people that want to be "popular" or hang about with a crowd and maybe that is their problem because they can't just be their own person. Never had a friend put on you or talking about you behind your back or just doing any number of other things that are annoying? Me, I've never really been into conforming and just going along with the crowd. I'm a misfit if you like. I just say that I'm my own man and I don't much care for other people telling me or other people what to do in order to fit in. Approval and disapproval are just two sides of the same coin. The "nice" people are often just people that like to criticise other people that they think aren't nice. Very few people in this world aren't negative in some way. well I do not live in a perfect world .I am far from perfect and neither are my friends. I just do not understand why some people can change drastically after becoming involved with someone. I still believe that somehow the person they are involved with is somehow controlling them. So you want to control them instead or what? This sort of thing happens all the time. Someone gets into a relationship and friends or family don't approve and start poking their noses in and interfering. Then the person is stuck in the middle not knowing who they are supposed to be loyal to. In some cases the new partner may be controlling in some way and they might not like the friends but bad mouthing them and calling them controlling is interfering and poking your nose into someone else's relationship. you are totally missing what I have been saying. Nobody is showing disapproval. Nobody is poking their noses into anything. Everything was fine until a new person came into the mix and decided they did not want their new found partner to be friends with them, Also I would very much appreciate it if you would quit attacking me personally by saying things like I must live in a perfect world and that I want to control them. I merely said I Have noticed this happen many times,not that it happened to me. |
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Sometimes people just need their friends too much and let themselves be treated badly by them. You say to them that they shouldn't put up with whatever it is and they say, "But they are my friends". Maybe when someone gets into a relationship they realise that they don't need to put up with whatever it is that they don't like about their friends anymore because they have somebody special that's more than just a so-called "friend". Have you guys thought about that? well in that case they were the so called friends and not the others. Friends are not so called..they are either a friend or they are not. But in the case you are describing they were the one that was never the friend because they were just using people who did consider them friends until somebody better came along. If they really allowed these people to treat them badly until they met somebody then good chance their partner will too. Still sounds to me like thaey have the issues , not their friends. Using them for what? Friendship? What a wonderful world you must live in where "friends" are just nice people that all get on together and it's not about being part of a clique and peer pressure. Anyway, there are just some people that want to be "popular" or hang about with a crowd and maybe that is their problem because they can't just be their own person. Never had a friend put on you or talking about you behind your back or just doing any number of other things that are annoying? Me, I've never really been into conforming and just going along with the crowd. I'm a misfit if you like. I just say that I'm my own man and I don't much care for other people telling me or other people what to do in order to fit in. Approval and disapproval are just two sides of the same coin. The "nice" people are often just people that like to criticise other people that they think aren't nice. Very few people in this world aren't negative in some way. well I do not live in a perfect world .I am far from perfect and neither are my friends. I just do not understand why some people can change drastically after becoming involved with someone. I still believe that somehow the person they are involved with is somehow controlling them. So you want to control them instead or what? This sort of thing happens all the time. Someone gets into a relationship and friends or family don't approve and start poking their noses in and interfering. Then the person is stuck in the middle not knowing who they are supposed to be loyal to. In some cases the new partner may be controlling in some way and they might not like the friends but bad mouthing them and calling them controlling is interfering and poking your nose into someone else's relationship. you are totally missing what I have been saying. Nobody is showing disapproval. Nobody is poking their noses into anything. Everything was fine until a new person came into the mix and decided they did not want their new found partner to be friends with them, Also I would very much appreciate it if you would quit attacking me personally by saying things like I must live in a perfect world and that I want to control them. I merely said I Have noticed this happen many times. I'm not missing the point at all. You asked why you think it is that people behave this way and I am giving you my opinion. |
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Well I decided I'll just change to an arsehole once I get married, if I do. 
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Sometimes people just need their friends too much and let themselves be treated badly by them. You say to them that they shouldn't put up with whatever it is and they say, "But they are my friends". Maybe when someone gets into a relationship they realise that they don't need to put up with whatever it is that they don't like about their friends anymore because they have somebody special that's more than just a so-called "friend". Have you guys thought about that? well in that case they were the so called friends and not the others. Friends are not so called..they are either a friend or they are not. But in the case you are describing they were the one that was never the friend because they were just using people who did consider them friends until somebody better came along. If they really allowed these people to treat them badly until they met somebody then good chance their partner will too. Still sounds to me like thaey have the issues , not their friends. Using them for what? Friendship? What a wonderful world you must live in where "friends" are just nice people that all get on together and it's not about being part of a clique and peer pressure. Anyway, there are just some people that want to be "popular" or hang about with a crowd and maybe that is their problem because they can't just be their own person. Never had a friend put on you or talking about you behind your back or just doing any number of other things that are annoying? Me, I've never really been into conforming and just going along with the crowd. I'm a misfit if you like. I just say that I'm my own man and I don't much care for other people telling me or other people what to do in order to fit in. Approval and disapproval are just two sides of the same coin. The "nice" people are often just people that like to criticise other people that they think aren't nice. Very few people in this world aren't negative in some way. After reading the whole thread TWICE I tend to agree with you Tawt...You speak to the question based on logic and intellect rather than emotion relating to negative experience...
Betty, what you are talking about has a name, it's called social rejection...The "personality changes" you refer to can and often are the result of that person being socially rejected either by one individual or a group...It is real and it occurs all the time…The rejection can be actively displayed as in teasing, bullying, and ridiculing, it can be passively displayed as in ignoring, or it can be a combination of both…It happens everywhere, in families, in neighborhoods, in the workplace, at school, in social clubs and activities, at church, on the internet... Since social rejection is subjective it can be perceived when it's not actually happening and it can easily be denied by those doing it when they are called out on it….As I said, it can be done individually or by groups and/or cliques….On some level, being socially rejected or rejecting another is a FACT OF LIFE….All you can do is get used to it and learn how to deal with it, because it's not going away…Those who deny ever being party to it by pretending they do not understand it, or by playing "victim" are often trying to justify their own part in rejecting someone…Prolonged social rejection is serious business... It can lead to adverse psychological effects that can even cause the person being rejected to commit suicide…When done to an individual by an entire group, negative effects intensify and can include feelings of hopelessness, pronounced loneliness, low self-esteem, depression, and even aggression….Rather than try to deny social rejection exists, instead of trying to label it as jealously or insecurity, adults who feel a need to question it would be better off educating themselves as to cause, effect , and appropriate methods of dealing with the fallout when it happens to them or someone they are close to..IMHO, anyone who makes a choice to try and second guess the actions of another instead of asking them directly will probably fare better if they begin that process with an open mind... That sounds more like bullying to me . Am I wrong? Yes, with respect to the definition of social rejection, which when based on your OP and subsequent posts, is really what you are talking about and mislabeling "personality changes", you are wrong...As I stated, bullying is a component or aspect of social rejection..Other "components", or techniques if you prefer, include ridicule, teasing, and ignoring.... |
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Well I decided I'll just change to an arsehole once I get married, if I do. Why? Because it's a man thing??? |
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I c
Sometimes people just need their friends too much and let themselves be treated badly by them. You say to them that they shouldn't put up with whatever it is and they say, "But they are my friends". Maybe when someone gets into a relationship they realise that they don't need to put up with whatever it is that they don't like about their friends anymore because they have somebody special that's more than just a so-called "friend". Have you guys thought about that? well in that case they were the so called friends and not the others. Friends are not so called..they are either a friend or they are not. But in the case you are describing they were the one that was never the friend because they were just using people who did consider them friends until somebody better came along. If they really allowed these people to treat them badly until they met somebody then good chance their partner will too. Still sounds to me like thaey have the issues , not their friends. Using them for what? Friendship? What a wonderful world you must live in where "friends" are just nice people that all get on together and it's not about being part of a clique and peer pressure. Anyway, there are just some people that want to be "popular" or hang about with a crowd and maybe that is their problem because they can't just be their own person. Never had a friend put on you or talking about you behind your back or just doing any number of other things that are annoying? Me, I've never really been into conforming and just going along with the crowd. I'm a misfit if you like. I just say that I'm my own man and I don't much care for other people telling me or other people what to do in order to fit in. Approval and disapproval are just two sides of the same coin. The "nice" people are often just people that like to criticise other people that they think aren't nice. Very few people in this world aren't negative in some way. After reading the whole thread TWICE I tend to agree with you Tawt...You speak to the question based on logic and intellect rather than emotion relating to negative experience...
Betty, what you are talking about has a name, it's called social rejection...The "personality changes" you refer to can and often are the result of that person being socially rejected either by one individual or a group...It is real and it occurs all the time…The rejection can be actively displayed as in teasing, bullying, and ridiculing, it can be passively displayed as in ignoring, or it can be a combination of both…It happens everywhere, in families, in neighborhoods, in the workplace, at school, in social clubs and activities, at church, on the internet... Since social rejection is subjective it can be perceived when it's not actually happening and it can easily be denied by those doing it when they are called out on it….As I said, it can be done individually or by groups and/or cliques….On some level, being socially rejected or rejecting another is a FACT OF LIFE….All you can do is get used to it and learn how to deal with it, because it's not going away…Those who deny ever being party to it by pretending they do not understand it, or by playing "victim" are often trying to justify their own part in rejecting someone…Prolonged social rejection is serious business... It can lead to adverse psychological effects that can even cause the person being rejected to commit suicide…When done to an individual by an entire group, negative effects intensify and can include feelings of hopelessness, pronounced loneliness, low self-esteem, depression, and even aggression….Rather than try to deny social rejection exists, instead of trying to label it as jealously or insecurity, adults who feel a need to question it would be better off educating themselves as to cause, effect , and appropriate methods of dealing with the fallout when it happens to them or someone they are close to..IMHO, anyone who makes a choice to try and second guess the actions of another instead of asking them directly will probably fare better if they begin that process with an open mind... That sounds more like bullying to me . Am I wrong? Yes, with respect to the definition of social rejection, which when based on your OP and subsequent posts, is really what you are talking about and mislabeling "personality changes", you are wrong...As I stated, bullying is a component or aspect of social rejection..Other "components", or techniques if you prefer, include ridicule, teasing, and ignoring.... Ok..but personality changes are what I have seen and that is why I labeled it that.But thank you for your input. |
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Well I decided I'll just change to an arsehole once I get married, if I do. Why? Because it's a man thing??? Besides, don't you think it would match my donkey ears? |
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I c Sometimes people just need their friends too much and let themselves be treated badly by them. You say to them that they shouldn't put up with whatever it is and they say, "But they are my friends". Maybe when someone gets into a relationship they realise that they don't need to put up with whatever it is that they don't like about their friends anymore because they have somebody special that's more than just a so-called "friend". Have you guys thought about that? well in that case they were the so called friends and not the others. Friends are not so called..they are either a friend or they are not. But in the case you are describing they were the one that was never the friend because they were just using people who did consider them friends until somebody better came along. If they really allowed these people to treat them badly until they met somebody then good chance their partner will too. Still sounds to me like thaey have the issues , not their friends. Using them for what? Friendship? What a wonderful world you must live in where "friends" are just nice people that all get on together and it's not about being part of a clique and peer pressure. Anyway, there are just some people that want to be "popular" or hang about with a crowd and maybe that is their problem because they can't just be their own person. Never had a friend put on you or talking about you behind your back or just doing any number of other things that are annoying? Me, I've never really been into conforming and just going along with the crowd. I'm a misfit if you like. I just say that I'm my own man and I don't much care for other people telling me or other people what to do in order to fit in. Approval and disapproval are just two sides of the same coin. The "nice" people are often just people that like to criticise other people that they think aren't nice. Very few people in this world aren't negative in some way. After reading the whole thread TWICE I tend to agree with you Tawt...You speak to the question based on logic and intellect rather than emotion relating to negative experience...
Betty, what you are talking about has a name, it's called social rejection...The "personality changes" you refer to can and often are the result of that person being socially rejected either by one individual or a group...It is real and it occurs all the time…The rejection can be actively displayed as in teasing, bullying, and ridiculing, it can be passively displayed as in ignoring, or it can be a combination of both…It happens everywhere, in families, in neighborhoods, in the workplace, at school, in social clubs and activities, at church, on the internet... Since social rejection is subjective it can be perceived when it's not actually happening and it can easily be denied by those doing it when they are called out on it….As I said, it can be done individually or by groups and/or cliques….On some level, being socially rejected or rejecting another is a FACT OF LIFE….All you can do is get used to it and learn how to deal with it, because it's not going away…Those who deny ever being party to it by pretending they do not understand it, or by playing "victim" are often trying to justify their own part in rejecting someone…Prolonged social rejection is serious business... It can lead to adverse psychological effects that can even cause the person being rejected to commit suicide…When done to an individual by an entire group, negative effects intensify and can include feelings of hopelessness, pronounced loneliness, low self-esteem, depression, and even aggression….Rather than try to deny social rejection exists, instead of trying to label it as jealously or insecurity, adults who feel a need to question it would be better off educating themselves as to cause, effect , and appropriate methods of dealing with the fallout when it happens to them or someone they are close to..IMHO, anyone who makes a choice to try and second guess the actions of another instead of asking them directly will probably fare better if they begin that process with an open mind... That sounds more like bullying to me . Am I wrong? Yes, with respect to the definition of social rejection, which when based on your OP and subsequent posts, is really what you are talking about and mislabeling "personality changes", you are wrong...As I stated, bullying is a component or aspect of social rejection..Other "components", or techniques if you prefer, include ridicule, teasing, and ignoring.... Ok..but personality changes are what I have seen and that is why I labeled it that.But thank you for your input. The "personality changes" you speak about throughout this thread are often a direct result of that person, or someone that person cares about, being socially rejected by the "group" of friends you keep alluding to.... You're welcome....
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Well I decided I'll just change to an arsehole once I get married, if I do. Why? Because it's a man thing??? No it isn't, and if it is you have a long way to go before you succeed in being an arsehole from what I can see anyhow. |
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