Not a matter of "imposing my will" on her. She is free to do as she pleases. It is a matter of stating my preference and adding an additional weight of importance to that preference. Will I stop loving her if her hair were short? No of course not. But it would diminish the relationship because she is saying that my preferences are not as important has hers. Add three or four of these little things and a deal breaker is in the works.

I'm sure some are that way. I've also seen relationships where the men control everything. And then there are the happy relationships, which I see the most of. I'm sorry you haven't experienced that. But, it does explain all the bitterness.

Marriage is not for everybody.
...So don't get married.

Well, it is imposing your will in that if she cuts her hair, you want a divorce. Sounds like more of a threat than a preference, especially over hair.

You say cutting her hair would diminish the relationship because she is saying her preferences are not as important than hers. Yet, you're diminishing the relationship by saying her preferences mean so much less than yours that you're willing to divorce over hair.

I'm not bitter or angry. I'm cynical.

All the happiest people know are single. I'm single and I LOVE it. No one's nagging me or complaining that I don't do my part or make too little money or spend too much time on the internet or don't eat right or don't take care of myself or anything else. No one rolls their eyes at me when I tell a joke or calls me stupid.

You think marriage is a better deal that what I already have? Please, explain how? What's so good about marriage that I'm missing out on?

I'm not saying marriage is better than what you have. I'm just saying that you seem incredibly bitter. Cynical would be a good word for it as well. I can't blame you when you're surrounded in marriages that aren't happy.

I haven't been married, so I can't provide my own insight based on personal experience. I've seen people in unhappy marriages, but I've also seen people in incredibly happy marriages. If marriage is not for you, don't get one. It's really as simple as that.

I guess I feel that we are suppose to "please ourselves" (as individuals) when it comes to personal matters like our hair or clothes etc...My husband spent decades in the fire department. He always told me (and others) that he was going to let his hair grow and grow after he retired. And this was fine with me...At one point his hair was a lot longer than my hair...Almost down to his waist...Most of the time he wore it pulled back in a neat ponytail...I was fine with his long or short hair. My parents and family had no problems whatsoever with his long hair...But my husband's conservative family tried to shame and guilt-trip him about his long hair because it didn't fit their "image." My husband didn't care...And we saw less and less of his family after that...I always wanted my husband to feel free to be who he wanted to be in our marriage. And he wanted the same for me.

Believe me, I won't. And I'll continue to advise others against as well. They are of course free to decide for themselves. But, without my views on the subject being expressed, they may be making an uninformed decision. People should hear both sides of the story. Don't you agree?

If people ask you for advice, sure, give it to them. But you're so incredibly biased on the subject that I'm not sure how helpful the advice really is. I mean, the things you say are things that I haven't heard much from others. Then again, I tend to surround myself with people who are happy, rather than miserable. So that might be why.

That's why I'm so extreme about it. I have to shout to be heard over the multitude with the other point of view. And by the way, I never accuse them of being of being dreamers of hopeless romantics. I allow them to express their thoughts with out direct confrontation. But, am I afforded this? Seldom.

We live in a country where with a divorce rate of 50% (higher in some parts). Therefore, at least half of all marriages are not happy ones. This is just simple math. We also have more single people than married for the first time in our history. It seems there's a lot of people out there that may agree with my side of the debate, but choose to remain silent.

And you know nothing of my emotional state.

You're right. All I can do is go by what you've said here. If you're happy, awesome.

I'm right? Did it burn your fingers to type that? ROFL

My marriage made me feel like I was living in a Joseph Conrad novel.
Specifically- Heart of Darkness, "the Horror, the Horror"

You were right that I didn't know your emotional state. Like I said, if you're happy, awesome.

TS,

It appears to me that you have had limited exposure to married people.
I have known plenty of people who are happily married, and I was happily married to my late wife.

Getting back to the OP, yes, there are married women who attempt to get their husbands to make behavioral changes after their weddings take place . . . and vice versa. No one gender has a monopoly on such a thing.

I've known plenty of married couples. There were there were 13 just among my aunts and uncles. BTW all of them stayed married except one. But, 19 of 22 couples among my cousins are divorced. That's just my family and some of them have tried it more than once.

As I said in another post, 50% of all marriages in the USA end in divorce. That means at least half of married couples are not happy. I think 50/50 odds is a poor bet with so much at risk. But, if you disagree, by all means, get married. I just think it's important to tell people about the other side of the coin. People should be well informed before making a decision that will effect the rest of their lives. I'm sure you agree.

TS,
You are always welcome to state your opinion, and you are not trolling just because someone else disagrees with you.

Cheers!

Its not gender specific. Men and women both can do it. Like someone said, "Marriage is not for everyone." One can lose themselves and their best friend because of marriage. It can be the death of a friendship. If you see yourself starting to change or them it is good to reflect as to why. It is a big step and not one to take lightly. If you find yourself being a silent partner and the changes are going too fast you might have to get out of the relationship any way you can before stepping off the leaf and expecting some else to catch you.

Some men don't mind the wife dominanting, after they upgrade to marriage. Whatever, works for that Couple is what works for them.

Some people are not ment for marriage and need to stay single.

Marriage ain't for sissys.

And as far as who controls who in a relationship or marriage,
chocolate goes a long way.