And now you tease me directly... I like to think that I can keep myself under control when it's absolutely necessary... if I'm not my own best friend and cheerleader, who else will be...

Haha... ya' caught me in a twixt...
Yes teasing... finding a bit of humor in the moment.

I think that your posts and writings are a bit self-revealing.
But we're all better for that... it's in hearing another heart sing out that I gain a bit of perspective anyway.

I enjoy seeing other's teetering on the brink of heartbreak and insanity and personal revelation and some epiphany.
Or... the conveyance of wisdom that I've never even thought about.
You folks put into words what I don't have the means to do, see?
(take me at my word on that)

But it helps see that I'm not the only one going thru such nonsense... You, SoujourningSoul, TB, and others.(Basstet and Dict8 in the past...) are amazing to me.
Must respect to all... teasing aside.

But as one said recently... I wasn't always this way.
Rock-on with yer bad-self AR... you're doing just fine.

Yes, T... revealing oneself can be freeing from the chains that silence the soul, and keep us separate from each other... so, if you enjoy watching the agony and the ecstasy, I wonder how it would make you feel to release some of your own... you write and can express very well, so the only limitations you have are the ones you place on yourself... how do you know that perhaps a bit of your own secrets shared will be useful wisdom to others ears... maybe one day?

mebbe one day.... not today.
Thank you for the kind words though... they mean a lot.

okay, not today, but "one day"...

AthenaRose...I agree with you wrote earlier. I think there are different levels of love too. (And shades and varieties of love.)...We can love and enjoy and value and appreciate people for "who they are.".. Or we can love people in narcissistic and rather self-centered ways based on our own wants and needs and who we expect them to "be" to please us and make us happy...What do you think?.. If I decided to tell a man that I loved him before he brought up talk about love himself I would probably go into depth trying to explain myself..For starters I'm sure I'd say that he was under no obligation to love me back. How do you think you might handle it?

Okay GreenEyes… you’re asking me to reveal more about me, so I hope you have an open mind, because my views might be a little different than you expect. But here goes…

Yes, I agree there are many different aspects and levels of love… of course the first and foremost authority that I respect in regards to defining it on the spiritual level is the Bible, and I like to refer to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 that reads, “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…”

On the other hand, we have Webster’s definition of “love” being: “strong affection or liking of someone or something.’ And for “affection” it reads: “fond or tender feeling.”

So, to me, love is part of our character, it’s how we are made up, and how we conduct ourselves, as well as how we treat others, it is also feelings of various degrees.

If I try to explain my views purely on the secular level, than I would say it like this… to love others truly, then we accept them as is, flaws and all, we don’t try to change them to become what we think they should be, or so they will better please and cater to us, then we would be looking out only for our own self interest, at the expense of the other whom we would want to sacrifice some part of who they are.

That’s not love, to me. If you truly love someone you give them complete freedom to be who they are, and to do what they want to do. Because if they love you as much as you love them, they will not violate your respect or trust in them. However, if something happens in their lives and they want to move on, as much as it hurts, you let them go, if they come back on their own, then they know where they are loved and they want to be with you. Of course, being human, sometimes feelings can become so intense that we might occasionally act of character for a time, until we recover emotionally.

Now, as for the more deeply personal aspect of your questioning… I don’t reveal my feelings of love to a man “first”, for proprietary reasons mostly, even if he took my unrevealed love with him as he walked away leaving me in agony. Secondly, I would not risk putting my emotions on the scaffolding so they could be permanently separated from my body upon his rejection of me. That cut would be too deep. So, I prefer the lesser pain of the two.

I hope my answers have allowed you a closer look into my psyche, and if you have any further questions, feel free to ask…

AthenaRose...Thanks for sharing your views about love..It's sad when love turns to hate after a marriage or relationship breaks up. Don't you think?.. Was the love that people had for each other in the beginning "real" or not? Or was their love based on illusions?...If I'd been seeing a man for a long time and it seemed like we were both in love with each other I might break the ice and say "I love you" first..But I'd add qualifiers as I mentioned earlier. (By stating that he was under no obligation to say he loved me back.)...Hopefully I would know a great deal about the man and his past before it got to this point. I would never bring up love to a man who still seemed angry and bitter at his ex-partners. Or a man who still seemed madly in love with his deceased wife...But if I'd been seeing a man for a long time who had peace about his past and showed love for me I might be the first to bring it up...I'd prepare myself for a wide variety of reactions. And I'd make it okay if he wasn't ready to commit to love quite yet. (Or maybe ever with me.)...I know I'm not ready to fall in love again right now so I don't date. I still have grief to work-through over losing my husband to cancer.

Good morning GreenEyes… yes, it is heart breaking when people who once shared everything then turn against each other like they are strangers. Perhaps the love they started out with was based more on their expectations of each other, and when they fail to realize their dreams, or don’t keep promises, the original ulterior motives fans the flames of their anger and hatred that grew out of the disappointment they feel. I completely understand your view on sharing your love with a partner, before he does with you… I fear that I am weak, where you are strong. And I commend your willingness and bravery to speak your heart.

Also, your loss saddens me, GreenEyes, the experience you’ve gone through with your husband succumbing to cancer, as my mother did too this past January, to being alone now after sharing half your life and all your love with him, the emptiness, I understand. And you are wise to take it slow in your emotional recovery before you feel comfortable enough to begin again.

AthenaRose...Thanks for your caring post. I'm so sorry that you lost your Mother...When and if I ever decide to start dating again I will be looking for men who took the time and effort to "heal" from their past hurts and "wounds."...This is what my husband did concerning his first marriage. He wasn't angry or bitter when we met. He worked to "make peace" with his past.. He looked at the mistakes that he felt he made himself (through the years) and didn't put all of the blame on his first wife.. And he came to a place of acceptance about everything...This is what I did too concerning my past. So we were both ready to fall in love again without bringing a lot of "old baggage" and "unfinished business" into our marriage and brand new relationship.

Thank you, for your kind words about my mother’s passing. For some reason, I think it’s menopausal forgetfulness, in my previous post I accidentally said she passed this past January, when it was actually last January, my mind apparently hasn’t grown accustomed to this being February 2013, already.

GreenEyes, the clearer you describe your husband and yourself, the more my heart smiles at the thought of the two of you together, and the life you shared, so full of mutual love and respect, having grown and learned from your prior experiences.

In a way I think those of us who have had more than one opportunity for love really do benefit from the lessons already learned when it comes to repeating the same mistakes, and future, more mature connections stand a better chance of lasting as a result.

And I totally agree with your plan to wait until you find just the right man that will make you happy. That’s what I think is so good about these dating sites, that we can get to know each other as friends first, taking plenty of time to study those that interest us, while not feeling pressured to take anything further than we are ready for.

AthenaRose...It's hard for me to remember that it's 2013 now too..And we're already into February!...I enjoy being here too because there's no pressure to date or hook-up with someone right away..As a woman have you felt obligated to say "I love you" to female friends and relatives most of the time? I really do love everyone but saying it all the time can get a little old when it seems like an obligation and requirement...I'd feel like a sinner or meanie if I didn't say it... Sometimes I just want to say "bye." But at other times I'm fine with saying "I love you."

I understand that feeling all to well, GreenEyes... me and my family members say it automatically when we're parting, but we mean it and we smile and hug. Love is such a joyous feeling that when I'm with people I am happy being around I can't help myself from saying it... but the people I say it too already know me and love me too... I think the only time I don't like saying it is if me and my significant other are not talking and he tells me he loves me to break the ice, but I can be stubborn and don't "feel" like saying it at that very moment... silly, I know...

AthenaRose...I've been through a lot of shake-ups since my husband and sons passed away...Sometimes I feel like an adolescent again. I have to reinvent myself and form a new identity...Anyway I am going through lots of changes. Some friends "mean well" but they have a habit of handing me unsolicited advice at times...It's weird how some people view me as a child now just because my husband and both of my sons passed-away and I'm suddenly alone...Basically I'm doing okay...Anyway I am evaluating which friends I want to stay close to and which friends to distance myself from right now...So this is why I don't want to be gushy-gushy with everyone. Need to take time to see how I really feel about the people in my life...Hard for me to deal with "know-it-alls" right now!

I'm sorry to hear about your having so much loss... and being all alone now... I really wish you well...

AthenaRose..I'm not a big "mushy" and "gushy" kind of person by nature..I tend to be more straight-forward...I enjoy giving people praise and compliments when I feel they deserve a pat on the back..I'm caring and nurturing and supportive...But I can only take "mushy stuff" in small doses...My husband knew how to "get to me" and sneak in a little romance once in awhile in cute ways...And I let down my guard and got a little "mushy/gushy" with him once in awhile too...We didn't play-out typical and standard gender roles...It was more fun to "feel free" to be who we wanted to be in each moment. (Versus acting like we were characters in a romance novel or "gushy" movie about love.)

I gotcha... ya'll had your own taste in foreplay... what worked for you...

If you mean it, its never wrong. But if you dont, think of it as a suicide note.

Well sometimes there are factors to consider before I just blurt things out...I wouldn't want to put undue pressure on someone to say they "love me back" when I'm uncertain about their feelings towards me.

hi mikaxel, nice to meet you... now...... jeeeeezz, a suicide note? can you please expound on this a tad further... so my mind can wrap itself around your concept, at the very least...