Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Is saying, "I Love You", ever wrong?
AthenaRose2 Joined Fri 11/09/12 Posts: 6972	Mon 02/04/13 06:04 AM
You can see how it could be interpreted that way too, right? If you care to expound on your meaning, I'd like to know more... If someone wants to hear it too badly, I think you should be more cautious about saying it. Someone who wants it so badly is probably in what you call a vulnerable emotional state, it's a bad idea to say it before you are 110% sure. Okay, I think I see it more clearly now. So, in the scenario that you speak, two people have become close enough that their feelings can border on love, but, if one of them is just relying on this deeper level of commitment to help ease emotional weakness, or as a means to latch on to a fresh connection, they both should wait to see if they are truly invested first? I'm not trying to be difficult, I only want to understand. Because with wisdom comes strength.. Eh...close enough, I don't feel like talking about it all day. That's cool.. thanks for your input...

manOfewwords Joined Wed 10/22/08 Posts: 29908	Mon 02/04/13 06:59 AM Edited by manOfewwords on Mon 02/04/13 07:16 AM
Is saying, “I love you”, ever wrong? yes, when you don't really mean it.

Leigh2154 Joined Sun 10/02/11 Posts: 16479	Mon 02/04/13 07:07 AM
Is saying, “I love you”, ever wrong? yes, when don't really mean it. What about saying it when you absolutely "believe" you do love that person, but later you begin to realize you don't really love them, you realize you were just caught up in the moment???...It it still wrong?...AND, when this happens, cause it does happen, how should the person who made the false claim of "love" handle it?....

manOfewwords Joined Wed 10/22/08 Posts: 29908	Mon 02/04/13 07:16 AM
Is saying, “I love you”, ever wrong? yes, when don't really mean it. What about saying it when you absolutely "believe" you do love that person, but later you begin to realize you don't really love them, you realize you were just caught up in the moment???...It it still wrong?...AND, when this happens, cause it does happen, how should the person who made the false claim of "love" handle it?.... as long as you believe you do I guess it would have to be ok. as for your last question........I don't nO

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Mon 02/04/13 07:21 AM
Saying "I love you" is IMHO always wrong. Once those words are uttered aloud the demands are soon to follow. I feel sorry for those who feel these words mean something bad will follow. I don't think it's wrong if the person means it. However, when I get an email from some random guy here who I have never communicated with before that says he loves me, he clearly can't mean it. So I'd say that use of it is wrong.

AthenaRose2 Joined Fri 11/09/12 Posts: 6972	Mon 02/04/13 07:27 AM
Is saying, “I love you”, ever wrong? yes, when you don't really mean it. Thank you, manOfewwords... I understand this simply... if someone tells me they love me and I don't feel the same way for them, to keep from hurting their feelings I'll say it too... but only when I think it's really just a superficial statement on both our parts. I think this can cause problems ultimately though, if the other person's feelings get deeper and mine don't, then my already having said that I love them puts me in a tough position... anyway.. just saying..

AthenaRose2 Joined Fri 11/09/12 Posts: 6972	Mon 02/04/13 07:30 AM
Is saying, “I love you”, ever wrong? yes, when don't really mean it. What about saying it when you absolutely "believe" you do love that person, but later you begin to realize you don't really love them, you realize you were just caught up in the moment???...It it still wrong?...AND, when this happens, cause it does happen, how should the person who made the false claim of "love" handle it?.... Well, you can just pull the rug out from under them, like ripping off the bandaid, that's what just happened to me... made it quick but not painless, so at least the person who thought they were in love but really weren't can feel better about their position.

Enkoodabaoo Joined Sun 02/03/13 Posts: 130	Mon 02/04/13 07:31 AM Edited by Enkoodabaoo on Mon 02/04/13 07:35 AM
Is saying, “I love you”, ever wrong? yes, when you don't really mean it. Thank you, manOfewwords... I understand this simply... if someone tells me they love me and I don't feel the same way for them, to keep from hurting their feelings I'll say it too... but only when I think it's really just a superficial statement on both our parts. I think this can cause problems ultimately though, if the other person's feelings get deeper and mine don't, then my already having said that I love them puts me in a tough position... anyway.. just saying.. That ain't right. Just like a rotten apple can spoil a barrel, a single lie can spoil a thousand truths. You'll make the other person question everything you ever said and did and leave them twisting in the wind for far longer than if you just told the truth. I think when people lie, it's mostly for their own good, rather than the other way around.

AthenaRose2 Joined Fri 11/09/12 Posts: 6972	Mon 02/04/13 07:33 AM
Saying "I love you" is IMHO always wrong. Once those words are uttered aloud the demands are soon to follow. I feel sorry for those who feel these words mean something bad will follow. I don't think it's wrong if the person means it. However, when I get an email from some random guy here who I have never communicated with before that says he loves me, he clearly can't mean it. So I'd say that use of it is wrong. I agree with you, singmesweet, about men who claim love the first time they contact us... but this action is so absurd it doesn't even require thought on how to respond... we just ignore it...

Leigh2154 Joined Sun 10/02/11 Posts: 16479	Mon 02/04/13 07:37 AM
Is saying, “I love you”, ever wrong? yes, when don't really mean it. What about saying it when you absolutely "believe" you do love that person, but later you begin to realize you don't really love them, you realize you were just caught up in the moment???...It it still wrong?...AND, when this happens, cause it does happen, how should the person who made the false claim of "love" handle it?.... as long as you believe you do I guess it would have to be ok. as for your last question........I don't nO Thank you, love of my life, for your honesty ...I don't know the right answer for others, but for me, how the person handles it once they realized they spoke out of turn would be pivotal in my willingness to continue or my desire to end the relationship...The OP's question, as it stands, is left WIDE open to interpretation, feelings, personal experience, and so much more....As her question is posed, lacking in details and specific definition, the only RIGHT answer in my opinion is.... "It depends on the circumstances"....

Leigh2154 Joined Sun 10/02/11 Posts: 16479	Mon 02/04/13 07:43 AM
Is saying, “I love you”, ever wrong? yes, when you don't really mean it. Thank you, manOfewwords... I understand this simply... if someone tells me they love me and I don't feel the same way for them, to keep from hurting their feelings I'll say it too... but only when I think it's really just a superficial statement on both our parts. I think this can cause problems ultimately though, if the other person's feelings get deeper and mine don't, then my already having said that I love them puts me in a tough position... anyway.. just saying.. That ain't right. Just like a rotten apple can spoil a barrel, a single lie can spoil a thousand truths. You'll make the other person question everything you ever said and did and leave them twisting in the wind for far longer than if you just told the truth. I think when people lie, it's mostly for their own good, rather than the other way around. ^^^This, yes, this...

AthenaRose2 Joined Fri 11/09/12 Posts: 6972	Mon 02/04/13 07:43 AM
Is saying, “I love you”, ever wrong? yes, when you don't really mean it. Thank you, manOfewwords... I understand this simply... if someone tells me they love me and I don't feel the same way for them, to keep from hurting their feelings I'll say it too... but only when I think it's really just a superficial statement on both our parts. I think this can cause problems ultimately though, if the other person's feelings get deeper and mine don't, then my already having said that I love them puts me in a tough position... anyway.. just saying.. That ain't right. Just like a rotten apple can spoil a barrel, a single lie can spoil a thousand truths. You'll make the other person question everything you ever said and did and leave them twisting in the wind for far longer than if you just told the truth. I think when people lie, it's mostly for their own good, rather than the other way around. When it's a superficial relationship and we've never even looked into each others eyes, I don't believe the person who thinks their love has gotten stronger can be all that serious to begin with. It's just like how we end some personal correspondence, by saying, Love, Jane Doe... instead of... Sincerely, Jane Doe... it's just a platitude...

Leigh2154 Joined Sun 10/02/11 Posts: 16479	Mon 02/04/13 07:48 AM
Platitude...."Two wrongs never make a right"....

AthenaRose2 Joined Fri 11/09/12 Posts: 6972	Mon 02/04/13 07:51 AM
Is saying, “I love you”, ever wrong? yes, when don't really mean it. What about saying it when you absolutely "believe" you do love that person, but later you begin to realize you don't really love them, you realize you were just caught up in the moment???...It it still wrong?...AND, when this happens, cause it does happen, how should the person who made the false claim of "love" handle it?.... as long as you believe you do I guess it would have to be ok. as for your last question........I don't nO Thank you, love of my life, for your honesty ...I don't know the right answer for others, but for me, how the person handles it once they realized they spoke out of turn would be pivotal in my willingness to continue or my desire to end the relationship...The OP's question, as it stands, is left WIDE open to interpretation, feelings, personal experience, and so much more....As her question is posed, lacking in details and specific definition, the only RIGHT answer in my opinion is.... "It depends on the circumstances".... And yes... Leigh, the original (3) three questions were left wide open so as not to steer anyone's response in any particular direction... I prefer to know people's answers based on their own personal experiences, not as their analytical view point of mine...

AthenaRose2 Joined Fri 11/09/12 Posts: 6972	Mon 02/04/13 07:59 AM
Platitude...."Two wrongs never make a right".... Yeah, I agree... and a person that uses the words "I love you" just as a way to make another person feel more at ease while they try to manipulate them, leaves a lot to be desired in the category between "right and wrong" too... wouldn't you agree?

Leigh2154 Joined Sun 10/02/11 Posts: 16479	Mon 02/04/13 08:00 AM
Is saying, “I love you”, ever wrong? yes, when don't really mean it. What about saying it when you absolutely "believe" you do love that person, but later you begin to realize you don't really love them, you realize you were just caught up in the moment???...It it still wrong?...AND, when this happens, cause it does happen, how should the person who made the false claim of "love" handle it?.... as long as you believe you do I guess it would have to be ok. as for your last question........I don't nO Thank you, love of my life, for your honesty ...I don't know the right answer for others, but for me, how the person handles it once they realized they spoke out of turn would be pivotal in my willingness to continue or my desire to end the relationship...The OP's question, as it stands, is left WIDE open to interpretation, feelings, personal experience, and so much more....As her question is posed, lacking in details and specific definition, the only RIGHT answer in my opinion is.... "It depends on the circumstances".... And yes... Leigh, the original (3) three questions were left wide open so as not to steer anyone's response in any particular direction... I prefer to know people's answers based on their own personal experiences, not as their analytical view point of mine... Well in that case the only answer I have is "it depends on the circumstance"....

Rawrr_Girl Joined Sun 10/04/09 Posts: 4431	Mon 02/04/13 08:16 AM
If someone I hardly know says "I love you" to me, I'd instantly feel uncomfortable about that, as how can someone say that when you're a stranger? If I get to know them first, then it's easier for me to believe it.

Leigh2154 Joined Sun 10/02/11 Posts: 16479	Mon 02/04/13 08:19 AM
Platitude...."Two wrongs never make a right".... Yeah, I agree... and a person that uses the words "I love you" just as a way to make another person feel more at ease while they try to manipulate them, leaves a lot to be desired in the category between "right and wrong" too... wouldn't you agree? Again, depends on the circumstances....maybe both are playing games, maybe both are guilty of manipulation...In my world Athena, when two adults enter into a relationship that ultimately turns sour my focus is not about blame or who is right or wrong, obsessing over the other persons actions, searching for validation..My focus is me and my responsibility in the breakup because I am the ONLY person I can control or change ..Finding my path, working toward forgiveness if I feel I've been wronged...healing, preparing myself for a brighter tomorrow ...I hope I am making sense because I am very sincere about this and I hope you understand I am only referring to myself, how I would handle unrequited love....

Leigh2154 Joined Sun 10/02/11 Posts: 16479	Mon 02/04/13 08:20 AM
If someone I hardly know says "I love you" to me, I'd instantly feel uncomfortable about that, as how can someone say that when you're a stranger? If I get to know them first, then it's easier for me to believe it.

JOHNN111 Joined Wed 05/13/09 Posts: 9273	Mon 02/04/13 08:22 AM
I'm confused, how could telling someone they are loved be wrong? Just say it if you feel it? If it gets complicated after, it's not because of you or what you said... JMHO.