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Topic: Disappearing, the new norm?
kashmirw Joined Mon 09/24/12 Posts: 5	Fri 09/28/12 06:57 PM
Is this the new normal for middle aged men? I've dated 2 men in the past year, who rather than saying they weren't interested in continuing the relationship, both simply disappeared. The first relationship lasted over 6 months. One day the dates, phone calls, and emails simply stopped. Amazingly he ran into me, literally, at the Oregon Country Fair which we had planned for months to go to together, after a bit of stammering on his part, he said let's get together soon and we went our separate ways. I didn't expect to hear from him again, and my prediction was correct, haven't heard from him since. 2nd man and I dated for only a month. Not long enough, at least for me, to tell if we really clicked or not. Also not long enough to develop any real feelings or connection. We didn't see each other for a week while I was involved in my son's wedding, and during that time the phone calls ended and text messages became fewer and fewer until it all dried up. What is so hard about saying it's not working out and we need to go our separate ways rather than leaving the other person hanging and wondering? I'd much rather be up front about it. It just feels so very Jr. High Schoolish to me, to not be able to end a relationship.

Holly4459 Joined Sun 06/29/08 Posts: 34785	Fri 09/28/12 07:36 PM
Is this the new normal for middle aged men? I've dated 2 men in the past year, who rather than saying they weren't interested in continuing the relationship, both simply disappeared. The first relationship lasted over 6 months. One day the dates, phone calls, and emails simply stopped. Amazingly he ran into me, literally, at the Oregon Country Fair which we had planned for months to go to together, after a bit of stammering on his part, he said let's get together soon and we went our separate ways. I didn't expect to hear from him again, and my prediction was correct, haven't heard from him since. 2nd man and I dated for only a month. Not long enough, at least for me, to tell if we really clicked or not. Also not long enough to develop any real feelings or connection. We didn't see each other for a week while I was involved in my son's wedding, and during that time the phone calls ended and text messages became fewer and fewer until it all dried up. What is so hard about saying it's not working out and we need to go our separate ways rather than leaving the other person hanging and wondering? I'd much rather be up front about it. It just feels so very Jr. High Schoolish to me, to not be able to end a relationship. Hello and welcome! I have to say this sounds all too familiar to me- I had this happen more than a few times ... What may be happening is that these guys would rather just fade into the woodwork to avoid a confrontation or possible some kind of drama.... Even if that was never the case. A few sentences of truth would save us from wondering what the heck happened .... Don't give it too much thought and just jump back Into having fun - eventually you may meet a nice guy... You deserve so much better! It's a shame when someone lets you down like that

TxsGal3333 Joined Tue 09/05/06 Posts: 76392	Fri 09/28/12 07:53 PM
Understand what your saying....there is one thing I don't have a problem with, that's ending a relationship by at least being honest with them. I refuse to stay with someone just to be with someone...But at least I have the balls to let them know.

Mirage4279 Joined Sat 09/04/10 Posts: 2466	Fri 09/28/12 08:12 PM
I hsave disZapeared a couple times myself.. Usualy due to weirdness in a relationship... Might of ticked him off as well ... Such as firty with another guy could rub him the wrong way .... I am guessing youmay have shown interest in someone.... But either way tjese things hsppen

harsh2019 Joined Tue 06/05/12 Posts: 314	Fri 09/28/12 08:14 PM
well i guess its the new normal then . people arent brave enough to speak up if they dont want to be in a relationship. this is the same with most men and women both nowadays.

krupa Joined Thu 07/03/08 Posts: 18651	Fri 09/28/12 08:15 PM
This is easy... You are attracted to guys who suck. Sorry...life is rarely fair.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Fri 09/28/12 08:15 PM
It's definitely not just middle aged men who disappear.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Fri 09/28/12 08:17 PM
I hsave disZapeared a couple times myself.. Usualy due to weirdness in a relationship... Might of ticked him off as well ... Such as firty with another guy could rub him the wrong way .... I am guessing youmay have shown interest in someone.... But either way tjese things hsppen Why disappear rather than just be straight up about what's going on? Ticking someone off isn't an excuse for them to disappear. It's sad that grown men (and I'm sure women) do this, rather than just ending the relationship.

MariahsFantasy Joined Mon 11/28/11 Posts: 6593	Fri 09/28/12 08:42 PM
I hsave disZapeared a couple times myself.. Usualy due to weirdness in a relationship... Might of ticked him off as well ... Such as firty with another guy could rub him the wrong way .... I am guessing youmay have shown interest in someone.... But either way tjese things hsppen Why disappear rather than just be straight up about what's going on? Ticking someone off isn't an excuse for them to disappear. It's sad that grown men (and I'm sure women) do this, rather than just ending the relationship. Cake and eat it too. Just a guess.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Fri 09/28/12 08:43 PM
I hsave disZapeared a couple times myself.. Usualy due to weirdness in a relationship... Might of ticked him off as well ... Such as firty with another guy could rub him the wrong way .... I am guessing youmay have shown interest in someone.... But either way tjese things hsppen Why disappear rather than just be straight up about what's going on? Ticking someone off isn't an excuse for them to disappear. It's sad that grown men (and I'm sure women) do this, rather than just ending the relationship. Cake and eat it too. Just a guess. It's just extremely immature. I'm actually surprised someone on here admitted to doing it.

Mirage4279 Joined Sat 09/04/10 Posts: 2466	Fri 09/28/12 08:44 PM
Is this the new normal for middle aged men? I've dated 2 men in the past year, who rather than saying they weren't interested in continuing the relationship, both simply disappeared. The first relationship lasted over 6 months. One day the dates, phone calls, and emails simply stopped. A mazingly he ran into me, literally, at the Oregon Country Fair which we had planned for months to go to together, after a bit of stammering on his part, he said let's get together soon and we went our separate ways. I didn't expect to hear from him again, and my prediction was correct, haven't heard from him since. 2nd man and I dated for only a month. Not long enough, at least for me, to tell if we really clicked or not. Also not long enough to develop any real feelings or connection. We didn't see each other for a week while I was involved in my son's wedding, and during that time the phone calls ended and text messages became fewer and fewer until it all dried up. What is so hard about saying it's not working out and we need to go our separate ways rather than leaving the other person hanging and wondering? I'd much rather be up front about it. It just feels so very Jr. High Schoolish to me, to not be able to end a relationship. Holly!!! Hello and welcome! I have to say this sounds all too familiar to me- I had this happen more than a few times ... What may be happening is that these guys would rather just fade into the woodwork to avoid a confrontation or possible some kind of drama.... Even if that was never the case. A few sentences of truth would save us from wondering what the heck happened .... Don't give it too much thought and just jump back Into having fun - eventually you may meet a nice guy... You deserve so much better! It's a shame when someone lets you down like that

kashmirw Joined Mon 09/24/12 Posts: 5	Fri 09/28/12 09:06 PM
Krupa, Could be! If so it's a recent phenomena in my history of relationships. Though, come to think of it, I've usually been the one to say it's time to move on. Thanks for all the responses, though it is a pity people have to be that immature.

harsh2019 Joined Tue 06/05/12 Posts: 314	Fri 09/28/12 09:15 PM
yes its the new normal for both genders and on this site the forums is the best way to meet nice and intellectual people wish you good luck in ur search and life isnt always fair to everyone

MariahsFantasy Joined Mon 11/28/11 Posts: 6593	Fri 09/28/12 11:15 PM
I hsave disZapeared a couple times myself.. Usualy due to weirdness in a relationship... Might of ticked him off as well ... Such as firty with another guy could rub him the wrong way .... I am guessing youmay have shown interest in someone.... But either way tjese things hsppen Why disappear rather than just be straight up about what's going on? Ticking someone off isn't an excuse for them to disappear. It's sad that grown men (and I'm sure women) do this, rather than just ending the relationship. Cake and eat it too. Just a guess. It's just extremely immature. I'm actually surprised someone on here admitted to doing it. I'm more surprised someone told the truth.

metalwing Joined Fri 11/14/08 Posts: 26218	Sat 09/29/12 01:50 AM
Krupa has it right. Women are often attracted to men because of their line of BS. They are then surprised when the ending of the relationship is just BS. A lot men just say what is necessary to get a little nookie and move on with a disappearing act.

blueeyes2000 Joined Thu 11/08/07 Posts: 1517	Sat 09/29/12 02:39 AM
I hsave disZapeared a couple times myself.. Usualy due to weirdness in a relationship... Might of ticked him off as well ... Such as firty with another guy could rub him the wrong way .... I am guessing youmay have shown interest in someone.... But either way tjese things hsppen Why disappear rather than just be straight up about what's going on? Ticking someone off isn't an excuse for them to disappear. It's sad that grown men (and I'm sure women) do this, rather than just ending the relationship. Cake and eat it too. Just a guess. It's just extremely immature. I'm actually surprised someone on here admitted to doing it. I'm more surprised someone told the truth. Me too, but not so surprised he made a comment that it was the woman's fault maybe. I don't think it's the new norm, it's been happening for years. Happens to me all the time. I like to delude myself into thinking they are just scared that they've fallen for me so quickly,LOL

metalwing Joined Fri 11/14/08 Posts: 26218	Sat 09/29/12 02:59 AM
I hsave disZapeared a couple times myself.. Usualy due to weirdness in a relationship... Might of ticked him off as well ... Such as firty with another guy could rub him the wrong way .... I am guessing youmay have shown interest in someone.... But either way tjese things hsppen Why disappear rather than just be straight up about what's going on? Ticking someone off isn't an excuse for them to disappear. It's sad that grown men (and I'm sure women) do this, rather than just ending the relationship. Cake and eat it too. Just a guess. It's just extremely immature. I'm actually surprised someone on here admitted to doing it. I'm more surprised someone told the truth. Me too, but not so surprised he made a comment that it was the woman's fault maybe. I don't think it's the new norm, it's been happening for years. Happens to me all the time. I like to delude myself into thinking they are just scared that they've fallen for me so quickly,LOL I don't think there is anything new about this at all.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 09/29/12 09:21 AM
Me too, but not so surprised he made a comment that it was the woman's fault maybe. I don't think it's the new norm, it's been happening for years. Happens to me all the time. I like to delude myself into thinking they are just scared that they've fallen for me so quickly,LOL I wasn't surprised at him blaming women, either. That's just a way of trying to justify immature behavior.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Sat 09/29/12 09:28 AM
well i guess its the new normal then . people arent brave enough to speak up if they dont want to be in a relationship. this is the same with most men and women both nowadays. different styles, non confrontational and confrontational I dont know which is the 'norm' , but I think both have been around forever I prefer non confrontation, at least in the 'dating' stage where there has been no agreement of a commitment or plan to commit Hints work well with me,, someone not calling anymore is a huge hint,, and I move on,,,,

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 09/29/12 09:30 AM
well i guess its the new normal then . people arent brave enough to speak up if they dont want to be in a relationship. this is the same with most men and women both nowadays. different styles, non confrontational and confrontational I dont know which is the 'norm' , but I think both have been around forever I prefer non confrontation, at least in the 'dating' stage where there has been no agreement of a commitment or plan to commit Hints work well with me,, someone not calling anymore is a huge hint,, and I move on,,,, Non confrontational does not mean it's cool to just ignore someone as a way of ending things. There are other ways of doing that.