Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Disappearing, the new norm?
navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Sun 09/30/12 08:57 AM
Me too, but not so surprised he made a comment that it was the woman's fault maybe. I don't think it's the new norm, it's been happening for years. Happens to me all the time. I like to delude myself into thinking they are just scared that they've fallen for me so quickly,LOL Well a lot men think they can get another woman to trust them if the same tactic worked the first time, why not try it again? A lot of them won't say what's really going on because they wanna keep their options open if whore #2 doesn't work out ie. she wants something more too soon, she's too overprotective, she snores in her sleep, she's too nice in the sac, she talks too much, she wants to know about his scumbag life, she's smart, she likes control over her life...and so on....men are truly scared of really meeting the right woman because they care so much about being an alpha male. Yeah; I think you are spot on.

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Sun 09/30/12 09:02 AM
Running away/disappearing... I can see why a lot of women these days have become so bitter/jaded and numbed to relationships. It's because of cowards like that, pulling the 'disappearing act.' Have some decency and at least let the other person know you're no longer interested. If they don't give a rat's @ss, I say have respect for yourself and move on. I agree. These men are supposed to be adults but I am not seeing a whole lot of adult behaviour from these type of guys.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sun 09/30/12 11:36 AM
Wow. I find myself agreeing with singme on this one. Finding your view the more compassionate caring view. Leaving people hanging is cowardly and inconsiderate. But I can usually figure this out during the relationship now. So there would be no I surprise. I would have ended it myself. And told her. Cowardly is a good word for it. Definitely not the kind of men I'm into.

kashmirw Joined Mon 09/24/12 Posts: 5	Sun 09/30/12 09:54 PM
Wow, lots of interesting discussion on my question. MsHarmony, what would you expect from a man you had been seeing for over 6 months, together most weekends and at least 2 evenings during the week? Planning a couple trips together, etc? Would you immediately get a hint? Now, my scenario #2, I did get the hint immediately. We hadn't known each other more than a month or so, though we had discussed seeing each other exclusively. No hurt feelings over seeing him disappear, though a "it's been nice, but it's not working" would have been better. I still feel better personally if I'm not feeling like we are a good match, to say so...sooner rather than later!

TBRich Joined Fri 11/07/08 Posts: 8232	Sun 09/30/12 11:36 PM
Honey Badger don't care

HasidicEnforcer Joined Thu 12/20/07 Posts: 10235	Sun 09/30/12 11:59 PM
Um... It's not that I disappeared, I just... walked away. That's how I was. I was not being immature about it. I just never wasted my time or breath telling them they were too much of a bother for me to want to be with. Instead of telling them all the reasons why I did NOT want to be with them, I just walked away and forgot about them. Trust me, for them it was better that I did that. I told one potential one time of why I didn't want to see them again and it has haunted me. And I felt bad for them because they got upset and it hurt their feelings. I am a very blunt person. I don't sugar coat anything. So it is better that I just leave and not hurt them more than they will already be hurting.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Mon 10/01/12 12:06 AM
Wow, lots of interesting discussion on my question. MsHarmony, what would you expect from a man you had been seeing for over 6 months, together most weekends and at least 2 evenings during the week? Planning a couple trips together, etc? Would you immediately get a hint? Now, my scenario #2, I did get the hint immediately. We hadn't known each other more than a month or so, though we had discussed seeing each other exclusively. No hurt feelings over seeing him disappear, though a "it's been nice, but it's not working" would have been better. I still feel better personally if I'm not feeling like we are a good match, to say so...sooner rather than later! I would expect it to have become a relationship,, if it was still considered mere 'dating' , I wouldnt be expecting much,,, if we were in a relationship, I would expect better communication,,,

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Mon 10/01/12 05:00 AM
Wow, lots of interesting discussion on my question. MsHarmony, what would you expect from a man you had been seeing for over 6 months, together most weekends and at least 2 evenings during the week? Planning a couple trips together, etc? Would you immediately get a hint? Now, my scenario #2, I did get the hint immediately. We hadn't known each other more than a month or so, though we had discussed seeing each other exclusively. No hurt feelings over seeing him disappear, though a "it's been nice, but it's not working" would have been better. I still feel better personally if I'm not feeling like we are a good match, to say so...sooner rather than later! I would expect it to have become a relationship,, if it was still considered mere 'dating' , I wouldnt be expecting much,,, if we were in a relationship, I would expect better communication,,, I think you're putting too much into the word dating. It sounds to me like they were more serious, no matter what word they used for the relationship. Yes, he should have absolutely said something, rather than ignoring her. Yes, it was absolutely immature for him not to do so and definitely an a**hole move.

FearandLoathing Joined Fri 12/28/07 Posts: 30121	Mon 10/01/12 05:50 AM
It's the norm of internet dating in general, and even outside of internet dating it would seem somewhat normal. We now have the luxury of ignore buttons and instant messaging, text, what have you, so long gone are the days of people simply telling you how it is rather opting for the ignore route.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Mon 10/01/12 07:48 AM
Wow, lots of interesting discussion on my question. MsHarmony, what would you expect from a man you had been seeing for over 6 months, together most weekends and at least 2 evenings during the week? Planning a couple trips together, etc? Would you immediately get a hint? Now, my scenario #2, I did get the hint immediately. We hadn't known each other more than a month or so, though we had discussed seeing each other exclusively. No hurt feelings over seeing him disappear, though a "it's been nice, but it's not working" would have been better. I still feel better personally if I'm not feeling like we are a good match, to say so...sooner rather than later! I would expect it to have become a relationship,, if it was still considered mere 'dating' , I wouldnt be expecting much,,, if we were in a relationship, I would expect better communication,,, I think you're putting too much into the word dating. It sounds to me like they were more serious, no matter what word they used for the relationship. Yes, he should have absolutely said something, rather than ignoring her. Yes, it was absolutely immature for him not to do so and definitely an a**hole move. the devil is in the details in the first scenario, I would consider a relationship and expect more communication (where they had 'dated' six months and gone on trips together,,,etc,,,) in the second scenario (dating only a month) I wouldnt be expecting anything in terms of great communication yet,,, thats just me

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Mon 10/01/12 07:50 AM
It's the norm of internet dating in general, and even outside of internet dating it would seem somewhat normal. We now have the luxury of ignore buttons and instant messaging, text, what have you, so long gone are the days of people simply telling you how it is rather opting for the ignore route. people are more disconnected but I dont think we tell it how it is any more or less than we ever have in the 'dating' world some people are not good at letting others down , especially if they dont know them well yet,,,that isnt something new

BettyB Joined Tue 01/29/08 Posts: 31912	Mon 10/01/12 08:40 AM
I have to agree with everything Sing posted.Its cowardly and extremely immature thing to do. Funny thing is when it happens to them oh boy , its a whole different matter then.Never is it their fault for anything.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Mon 10/01/12 08:49 AM
Wow, lots of interesting discussion on my question. MsHarmony, what would you expect from a man you had been seeing for over 6 months, together most weekends and at least 2 evenings during the week? Planning a couple trips together, etc? Would you immediately get a hint? Now, my scenario #2, I did get the hint immediately. We hadn't known each other more than a month or so, though we had discussed seeing each other exclusively. No hurt feelings over seeing him disappear, though a "it's been nice, but it's not working" would have been better. I still feel better personally if I'm not feeling like we are a good match, to say so...sooner rather than later! I would expect it to have become a relationship,, if it was still considered mere 'dating' , I wouldnt be expecting much,,, if we were in a relationship, I would expect better communication,,, I think you're putting too much into the word dating. It sounds to me like they were more serious, no matter what word they used for the relationship. Yes, he should have absolutely said something, rather than ignoring her. Yes, it was absolutely immature for him not to do so and definitely an a**hole move. the devil is in the details in the first scenario, I would consider a relationship and expect more communication (where they had 'dated' six months and gone on trips together,,,etc,,,) in the second scenario (dating only a month) I wouldnt be expecting anything in terms of great communication yet,,, thats just me For me, there has to be communication in order to move forward. If there is no communication, or bad communication, the dating will stop and we won't make it to a more serious relationship. In my opinion, good communication starts from the beginning and continues.

GreenEyes48 Joined Thu 08/26/10 Posts: 1319	Mon 10/01/12 08:51 AM
Back in the early 80's (before I met my husband) I placed a personal ad in a big LA singles' publication. (This was before the invention of the Internet.)...Anyway I went on a date with one guy and we had a great time and really seemed to "click." Things went so well we both decided to get together the following weekend. And talk on the phone during the week...Well days and days went by and he never called. (Which seemed odd.) It was getting close to the weekend so I decided to call him...He seemed surprised and a little uncomfortable to hear from me. (Which seemed odd too!)...To make a long story short he said he was an "honorable man" and only dated one woman at a time to be "fair."...He said he had responded to another ad and went on a date with another woman during the week. I asked him if this woman was going to get "dumped" as soon as he responded to another ad? ...I said that he misrepresented himself. In "fairness" he should tell each woman that he dated that he was a "keep moving down the line" kind of guy! And not pretend to be "truly interested!"