Should someone who commits infidelity be given a 2nd chance?

Only if you want to be cheated on a second time.

Cheating is a character decision that says the cheater's desires are more important than their word to their partner to be faithful.

Once they see the ultimate consequences for them is going to be getting away with it with you it will only heighten the sense of entitlement to break any further promises.

Not even.

Depends on the context of the relationship! In a dating relationship heck No! The person cheated on you they are not going to stop their is no reason for them to stop, I mean what's going to happen as a result? You dump them? Obviously they did not value you, take off!

But if your married, then yes you give them another shot. But not without councilling and serious work to fix the problem. Their is a reason someone cheats and you need to figure out how to fix the situation. Then you need to lay out serious repercussions if it occurs again.

I would possibly give my wife one and at maximum two more chances. I believe when you love someone you forgive them and if I married her then she is my all in all and I would give the relationship every possible chance to get fixed. But if the issue re-occured more then three times divorce papers would be filed!

Simply put its a difference of commitment level. Dating you have no obligation to your partner what so ever. If you forgive them that is being very nice and you don't have too! In fact your probably making a bad decision to take them back.

But once you are married its different you made a commitment to love your spouse and to be by their side through thick and thin! To accept all of their faults to forgive all transgressions. As such you have an obligation to try and make things work!

Once someone cheats they are showing they aren't faithful.

I've seen marriages survive and are strong where the husband cheated was caught twice and forgiven twice. He turned it around and was loyal to his wife since. We know because she hired a PI to track him his phone was bugged and their was no where he could hide.

But I've seen it work out the other way. A guy forgave his wife five times for cheating and when the church finally gave up on saving his marriage he decided to accept it. Now his wife sleeps with anyone she wants and he just sits like a puppy dog at home waiting for her to come back.

So forgiving and working on a marriage can work but know when to give up! Once it hits five times you know your relationship is long dead. But if your dating then their is no obligation at all any fixing you do is fully up to you!

Infidelity of any sort indelibly changes the dynamic of the relationship. If you feel they warrant a second chance only you can make that decision. But if you do so with the idea that the relationship will "go back to normal", you are only fooling yourself. You can only go forward which means a change in the relationship. But that isn't always a bad thing.

Yeh sure,
As long as your happy to give the bugga a 3rd, 4th and 5th go. It never seems to be a one off.

This topic came up with the mother of my child. She was loyal to me the first 15 months of our relationship. Recovering of any relationship with her is about 3rd on my list of priorities, above her getting off of drugs and possibly becoming an active participant in raising our baby. I don't see the prospect of her abstaining from sex with other partners for 6 months and getting tested as even a remote possibility and I'm not willing to risk making my baby an orphan so I'd say in effect, no, there's no second chance for her, or not much of one.

This is one of those subjects that I said I would never give them a second chance....But ya know what works for each of us is not always what works for others...

I have known those that have gave their partners a second chance and it worked out beautiful for them....

As far as once a cheater always a cheater sorry even I don't believe that....

There are those that have cheated when with someone but the next person they have no desire too...

In life and reality everyone deserves a second chance at times.....

Well stated and I totally agree.

If we were in a committed relationship and they cheated on me, then I would not waste my time and give them a second chance. Usually if a relationship doesn't work out the first time, it is not going to work out the 2nd time...and cheating is something that I will not forgive!!!

Nope!

There are 2 deal breakers in any of my relationships with men, for me..

If you cheat on me,

or,

if you physically or mentally abuse me,

YOUR OUTTA HERE!!!

Its not hard to not cheat!

I HAVE NEVER,

AND WILL NEVER,

cheated on anyone!

And ive had my men away from me for long stretches.

If I can stay true, I expect the same in return.

That is an accomplishment. You've done very well with your sobriety and wow! Are you getting younger? Your photos now are big time improved over years ago.

I agree 100%.

Thank you Joe for your kind words, but I dont think of it as an accomplishment. When I love someone, I DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT having sex with anyone else ...why? If I do, I feel like, I shouldnt be with who im with. But thats JMO.

Im a big flirt, and I kid around, but its all in fun.

Am I getting younger? I wish. Thats really sweet for you to say I look like im getting younger Joe.

Someone recently accused me of having plastic surgery like I could afford that!

My frame of mind doesnt age, so maybe thats it.

I am more mature in alot of ways, yes, but im still just a kid.

Im not sure ill ever fully act like an grown up, I dont mind being a silly kid forever..its more fun!

Besides I think maturity is HIGHLY overated.

Well we weren't married but my last boyfriend cheated on me by going back to his ex. I'd like to say never again will I go to that place of regret.

totally depends

upon the history
upon the circumstances
upon the relationship
upon the repentances/absence of repentance,,


,,to name just a few things
of everyone I know who have lived in long marriages, obstacles are inevitable and arguments are inevitable, but the key seems to be forgiveness and an ability to learn, grow stronger, and move on,,,


most of us 'cheated on' have hard time getting past the forgiveness and most of those who 'cheat' never make it to the 'learning' part


unfortunately, forgivness of infidelity teaches some that its ok to do because there are no real consequences

but some are capable of being remorseful and changing their ways


they say once a cheater always a cheater, but thats certainly not an absolute standard

they say the same about someone who hits you, but I know from experience it can absolutely be a 'one time' thing when there is real love and repentance that happens,,,,

The main reason I said it was an accomplishment was due to the substance you were addicted to. You would be one of the few people I've met who could say that and be believable.



The body heals, and the mind too. After all this time, it's good to see you doing so well, especially in a very much troubled part of our nation. I agree with you that growing up is overrated. It stunts learning and leads to old people syndrome. Having a baby just gives me a reason to invent new toys.

I forget you are one of the people who went through my recovery with me, and cold turkey, with just my Mingle family, NO ONE (outside of here) thought I would STAY CLEAN. But you, knowing me soo well, you know that I dont lie, or pull punches.I have no problem putting it all out there, its good to talk about stuff, even the ugly stuff, because it might just help someone else to do the same. And so I talk about it, but I NEVER stay in the rear view mirror too long.

Its been 5 years now. Time flies,




It took alot of hard work MENTALLY. Its hard for your body to understand the lack of the substance after using for so long, so I had to COMPLETELY readjust my head, but now, im stronger then ever.


Your baby BTW is beautiful.

It would of been nice for me to have a baby, but I never had a man that would be both a great father, and a great husband, till now, and now im too old to make babies. (I'll be 50 in 3 months).

The option of adoption is still very open to me, when, and if......

So do I.

I agree!!!!!