First comes compatability. Then comes love.

You have to get along in order for a relationship to work. Once you start to build that relationship, then love sets in.

When we first meet someone and start dating, we are infatuated with them. Love requires unending work. It isn't a given. If you aren't compatable, you will never build and maintain the love.

I agree with this. People who feel the need to "buy" their friends are either desperate due to lacking social skills or are putting on a false bravado.

I think we limit ourselves too much with the whole "type" idea. I've seen this over and over again in my life. Especially with my friends who continue to chase after the same "type" of guy, and always end up disappointed or hurt.

It's not always about physical attraction. The spark can be lit simply by meeting and conversation. So to get the best chance, you have to be approachable, which usually means doing the approaching. Women aren't just going to fall in your lap. (well, usually) You have to work for their attention.

Physical attraction and the "omg he's cute" is different for every woman. Just as it is for every man.

chocolate covered raisins

Yes but this starts in the home, a child is only going to mimic what they see their parents doing. Chances are, if a mother settles for abuse or negative behavior, the daughter will settle. If a father is a deadbeat or womanizer, the son will be a dead beat and womanizer.

I truly believe that until society as a whole goes back to the ideology of the "nuclear family", families, marriage and relationships are going to continue to degrade.

There is another saying that advises, "Forgiveness is not so much for the forgivee as it is for the forgiver". You forgive for yourself. It isn't healthy to hold on to anger and resentment and it just keeps you from moving forward in life.

Lots of practical wisdom given on this thread. Yes he is still trying to manipulate you. Yes it hurts because you have a history together, regardless of the nastiness you have children together and a life that has now crumbled. That takes time to heal. Bad or good, it was a loss and you are grieving.

FYI be prepared. This is the first of many tricks in his bag. The next will probably be to get aggressive with you. It could be physical or very emotional or even legal. Get a lawyer. Get a therapist. Be ready for whatever he is going to throw at you next.

Remember, a man like him is not going to go away quietly. Narcissists never do. He is going to try to destroy you for breaking free of his control.

It doesn't matter how much you feed a dog, they are still going to sniff every other dogs butt.

Men have more power in general, it is a mans world afterall. Unfortunately, most don't know how to wield it properly.

The beast only surfaces when she has to deal with an animal.

Mother Love Bone :)

Personally not a fav of mine, except for Chloe Dancer, but the name is hilarious!

FYI: They were the band Stone and Jeff were in prior to forming Pearl Jam...which btw was named Mookie Blaylock first.

This is a very ignorant statement. There is a habit of many counselors to suggest that every marital problem is split equally down the middle with both partners taking half the blame. This is simply unrealistic.

Most marital problems are actually due to an inner personal issue with one partner which creates a dynamic in the relationship via behavior or attitude. This then causes the other partner to respond or react. The dysfunction is not mutual or equal. The point being that partner #1 will still have the issue in question if they leave the marriage. Partner #2 however, will be able to persue a new relationship without said issue being a factor.

For example, an alcoholic is the main source of stress to a marriage in trouble. It is not the other partners responsibility to own the dysfunction when the alcholic is failing the marriage.

Or when a partner has a mental illness such as depression, it creates a dynamic in the relationship completely unrelated to the second partner.

There are many many MANY scenerios to explain this. Unfortunately, counselors have far too often taken the road of mutual responsibility in the name of political correctness and to elminiate difficult clients. However, this does not solve the underlaying problems which is why many traditional counselors do not have a good success rate with their clients.

Most marriage fail because of a failure on one partners part. Until that issue is addressed, owned and then dealt with, the marriage will continue to fail.

Pearl Jam / 10
Dave Matthews Band / Crash
Jack Johnson / In Between Dreams

Too bad there aren't more like you out there.

OK...I'll bite. So, what does that say for the man who has an awesome wife in every way except maybe she cannot meet one of his needs. Let's go with sex because thats what Spider likes. Let's say this woman has an emotional or physical reason she cannot have sex. But she meets ALL of his other needs. She is faithful, competent, loyal and loving. Does that mean genetically he is destined to cheat on her because he isn't getting any?

Now lets flip that. What about the woman who's husband has a physical or emotional reason he no longer wants to put out. But hes a good man to her otherwise. Does she have cause to cheat?

I guarantee you in these scenerios, it is more likely the man will cheat than the woman.

This isn't "hate".

Actually, in the arrogant mind, the super-ego is dull. Therefore the ego readily expresses itself in a narcissistic way. Freud actually relates this behavioral trait to a diminished fallic response. Either translated as "small penis" or inept sexualality.

Because I would venture the majority on here have no clue as to Maslow and psychology in general.



Hate is most definitely NOT a survival tactic. It serves no purpose or benefit to the human condition.



To sense means to precieve, receive and process stimuli. Love stimulates our entire body emotionally and physically.



How so?


Because regardless of who or to what level we express or feel a love towards someone, the concepts it holds are things like safety, comfort, loyalty, trust, survival, etc. When these qualities do not exist for us anymore towards the other person, we no longer love them or at the very least not love them as we once did.

Even when you think of someone you no longer feel present love for, you can think back to when you DID love them and remember how it felt and what it meant to you at the time. The imprint it leaves on you never leaves.

No but the imprint upon your psyche is permanent.