Okay so I am wondering how long after a break up should you wait before dating again. I know there are many schools of thought but just wondering what people think. Does it matter how long the relationship you were in was? For example I've heard the longer the relationship the longer you should wait before getting involved with someone new. What about baggage? Does someone who's recently ended a relationship really have more baggage than someone who's been single for a while? What do people think?

It is one of those 'it depends' questions.

IF the person LEFT a relationship because they were ready to leave. THe baggage should be minimal. IF a person was the one to be left the baggage is probably a bit heavier.

Either way, for me, at LEAST a year and a half on their/my own is required because I figure if

they are the ones who left, they may just be more in need of being involved with someone than they are actually ready to be there with and for someone...and they probably should assess what caused them or influenced them to make a poor choice in partner....

and Im not interested


if they are the ones to be left, they should take time to assess what influenced THEIR decision to make a poor choice in partner and they need to spend time feeling good about themself and their own company for a while, so they dont become 'needy' of companionship

,,,,,,my worst nightmare is becoming someones 'need',,,,,or a victim of the bruised ego/grass is greener on the other side mentality

because Im no more perfect than the last one,, my flaws are just different....

One of my favorite quotes:

Everyone has baggage.
Find someone who loves you enough
To help you unpack.

I think whenever you feel comfortable with dating again, and have found someone you would be comfortable getting to know. Don't pass up a chance to meet someone special because of a pre-conceived time frame. Go for it!!!

I liiiiiiiiiike it :-)

I like this also as it is very true.

a hypothetical

if I unpack your lugguage, who will unpack mine

and if I help you unpack yours and you help me unpack mine, how will either of us ever truly be sure whats in there or where it fits in?

and if we have the energy to help unpack someone elses,, shouldnt we have the energy to unpack our own

and then, full circle, if we unpacked our own, why cant they unpack their own too,,, or should we do twice the work?....lol


I do love the sentiment though,,,of helping someone

We all have baggage...what you do with it is what matters. If we learn from it and change things that need changed instead of carrying it with us, we are good to go. Those that hold on to the past need to let go before taking a step into a new future...good luck

I don't think there is a law on when you should date again. That is something you can answer.

I agree with pyxxie. Only you can determine when to restart dating. I've been broken off a year and still think of her, so obviously a year is too soon for me.

For me, it normally takes about a year. By then i've refreshed myself, and, well, it's different for everyone. Just like a death, there is no right time to get over it. Only YOU will know when you're truly ready. Not your friends or your family :)

But you'd be surprised how many people THINK they can live your life for you and tell you what to do. I get it all the time. "Oh, but you've only been widowed under a year" blah blah blah. Yeah? So? Hello. I deserve some happiness in my life. Oddly enough, these are all people who will be going home to their partners. I go home alone (apart from my son) but they don't think of that. I just ignore them. If I want to go out with someone I will. After all, it is my life, not theirs and until they've been where I've been (and other widows and widowers like me), they haven't got a clue.

Refreshed & truly ready for another make up & break up?

That's life (and love)

There’s no time limit on the grieving (or mourning) period. You just know when you’re ready. In my case, I started dating after about 6 months. I wasn’t ready and knew it but I just wanted to get used to dating other people again.

I have discovered how isolated I've become as this is not my home town. I didn't notice when my husband was alive. My nearest good friend lives 50 miles away, the other 300 miles away. Apart from one or two people who were actually my husband's friends, I don't know that many people so last night I went to a local singles club with my son's best friend's mother and had a really lovely evening. They organise lots of activities throughout the year so is ideal to get me out and about and make new friends, both male and female

Hahah he is out the door NEXT~~~~

As some said everyone is different I have went from just a few weeks to a couple of years.... Just depends on when you are ready..

Ruth:

I say:

"I have baggage but at least it's a matched set".

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........


What say we all just help each other pack..........



and go on......



VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GREAT IDEA