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| Topic: Too Much? | |
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Attitude. Smell. (too much/lack of perfume) Style. Body/facial hair. 'DB Syndrome'. Excessive talking. (rambling on about exes, i.e.) TMFI (telling me you had the clap once) Comparing me to others. Mangled hair. (like you just left Chainsaw Massacre house) Being toooooo shy. Just to name a few... Annoying laughs, and uncalled for ones too.. Awwwww, see I knew you wouldn't love me!! 
Whaaaaa? Which one(s)? :O I get busted on the talking about exes one all the damn time. But clue to guys, don't freaking ask my married name. He's a famous programmer, etc. Do not ask about anything in the past because I will somehow link it to someone. Just focus on the fact that you are with me NOW and the present and future. Don't be asking about the past unless you are prepared to hear about people from the past. |
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Oh and I get that they love everything about me. My spunk, my spirit, my craziness, my fun personality and acceptance of damn near anything AND THEN, THEY WANT THAT TO ONLY APPLY TO THEM AND HOW I WOULD BE SO PERFECT IF I JUST LIVED IN A CLOSET AND ONLY DID WHAT THEY DEEMED APPROPRIATE WHEN I WAS IN PUBLIC.
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Oh and I get that they love everything about me. My spunk, my spirit, my craziness, my fun personality and acceptance of damn near anything AND THEN, THEY WANT THAT TO ONLY APPLY TO THEM AND HOW I WOULD BE SO PERFECT IF I JUST LIVED IN A CLOSET AND ONLY DID WHAT THEY DEEMED APPROPRIATE WHEN I WAS IN PUBLIC. Awesome. You are learning. Just keep taking notes like I do. 
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insecurity...the need for constant contact. having to know where I am and what I’m doing every moment of the day frightens me. I'm very difficult to reach and have gotten some flack for it - so it's not like this is something I'd do but at the same time, part of me is also suspicious if you aren't doing anything wrong why does this matter? Can you see how this paranoia makes it look like you may be doing things or with people you don;t want her to know about/ hiding something? no I don’t see it at all. if I’m in a “relationship” with you, I afford you the freedom to do things without me. it’s up to me to trust you and give you the room to be you and have a life both in and out of our life together. I don’t think expecting the same is too much to ask. besides, if you are always worried that I’ll fail the relationship, why would bother to stay? I was thinking of it more in terms of sending little love notes I think a relationship will not work if there are rules about contacting each other and yes I think you sound a little paranoid jmho also - you would not be "affording " me my freedom. I do what I want when I want, but would not object to your company or being contacted by you because I am not hiding anything why would you assume I’m paranoid? I was not talking about little love notes, that's much different than constant contact. I don’t think most of us mean that. I/we are talking about people that are so insecure they have to keep tabs on you. all I’m saying is that I have no need to know what you are doing at all hours of the day. if you do have this need, I am not the one you should be with. pretty simple, no? btw, assuming someone has something to hide just because they require a bit of freedom, even whithin a relationship, sounds a little paranoid to me... I think we're talking about different things an obsession with controlling someone's whereabouts can be dangerously paranoid. That is different than what I meant, yes I am not paranoid, but I am experienced - if a man is hiding something he will become very defensive about his whereabouts and his phone/computer- so just based on some past experiences it is a bit of a red flag - if a man gets too defensive about his whereabouts that does seem a little paranoid, my first question is why if "he" imposes "requirements" he will not be in a relationship with me yes we were, and thankfully so. I was begging to get worried. haha! and yes, people (this is not gender exclusive)do get defensive when he/she has something to hide. ultimately, they will do what they think is best for them, weather that is thrive within the relationship or destroy it. |
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insecurity...the need for constant contact. having to know where I am and what I’m doing every moment of the day frightens me. I'm very difficult to reach and have gotten some flack for it - so it's not like this is something I'd do but at the same time, part of me is also suspicious if you aren't doing anything wrong why does this matter? Can you see how this paranoia makes it look like you may be doing things or with people you don;t want her to know about/ hiding something? I don't see it as paranoia when someone is not wanting to be hounded all the time about where they are. It is more like paranoia when someone has to check in all the time, worrying about where someone is and what they're doing. Especially in the beginning. |
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insecurity...the need for constant contact. having to know where I am and what I’m doing every moment of the day frightens me. I'm very difficult to reach and have gotten some flack for it - so it's not like this is something I'd do but at the same time, part of me is also suspicious if you aren't doing anything wrong why does this matter? Can you see how this paranoia makes it look like you may be doing things or with people you don;t want her to know about/ hiding something? I don't see it as paranoia when someone is not wanting to be hounded all the time about where they are. It is more like paranoia when someone has to check in all the time, worrying about where someone is and what they're doing. Especially in the beginning. I have pretty much already explained this he was talking about obssesive stuff and I was refering to little love notes/texts thru out the day so we were not talking about the same thing but I do think if a man is paranoid about you asking a simple question about his whereabouts it is a good sign that he is hiding something (experience) I've never had this problem in a relationship so that is why the whole subject just seems paranoid to me - on both sides in a good relationship people have no qualms about sharing that kind of info, and usually look forward to sharing the details of their day |
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Just curious how much is too much when you're in the beginning stages of a relationship? What really turns you guys off about the opposite sex? LOL well you are asking a woman but if having raised sons, counseled mostly GI's I could put in two cents worth. Probably the key would be recognizeing you are doing pretty good just being the opposite sex. Relizeing that doesn't make you God or a doormat and just try not to make them feel stupid for being a guy. Maybe try not to torture them too much. They can accept rejection but annialtion isn't necessary. If you like them say so prvately. They are probably not going to buy into love and loyalty until you prove it so be credible but the little things are not as invisable as you think. If you want to do something reasonable, most guys are not money bags, but they will come up with a few bucks and gladly take you to a resturant or a movie if you give them a hint where and when. A thank you goes a long way. Occassionally a reciprocal invitation and or a ;ittle gift. Guys want to be appreciated; even a little respect but that doesn't mean you don't have to respect yourself. |
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Edited by
singmesweet
on
Sun 01/22/12 07:23 PM
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insecurity...the need for constant contact. having to know where I am and what I’m doing every moment of the day frightens me. I'm very difficult to reach and have gotten some flack for it - so it's not like this is something I'd do but at the same time, part of me is also suspicious if you aren't doing anything wrong why does this matter? Can you see how this paranoia makes it look like you may be doing things or with people you don;t want her to know about/ hiding something? I don't see it as paranoia when someone is not wanting to be hounded all the time about where they are. It is more like paranoia when someone has to check in all the time, worrying about where someone is and what they're doing. Especially in the beginning. I have pretty much already explained this he was talking about obssesive stuff and I was refering to little love notes/texts thru out the day so we were not talking about the same thing but I do think if a man is paranoid about you asking a simple question about his whereabouts it is a good sign that he is hiding something (experience) I've never had this problem in a relationship so that is why the whole subject just seems paranoid to me - on both sides in a good relationship people have no qualms about sharing that kind of info, and usually look forward to sharing the details of their day Asking a question about whereabouts is fine. Checking in all day long, every day, is not. The other thing that would bother me is if the guy did not trust me when I keep in touch with friends. I have several friends who are men and I would not give them up if someone I was dating happened to not like it. That to me also fits in with paranoia. |
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I wanna stalker.........
Why not ME Ehh, even joking about it gives me the ebbie jeebies |
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insecurity...the need for constant contact. having to know where I am and what I’m doing every moment of the day frightens me. I'm very difficult to reach and have gotten some flack for it - so it's not like this is something I'd do but at the same time, part of me is also suspicious if you aren't doing anything wrong why does this matter? Can you see how this paranoia makes it look like you may be doing things or with people you don;t want her to know about/ hiding something? no I don’t see it at all. if I’m in a “relationship” with you, I afford you the freedom to do things without me. it’s up to me to trust you and give you the room to be you and have a life both in and out of our life together. I don’t think expecting the same is too much to ask. besides, if you are always worried that I’ll fail the relationship, why would bother to stay? I was thinking of it more in terms of sending little love notes I think a relationship will not work if there are rules about contacting each other and yes I think you sound a little paranoid jmho also - you would not be "affording " me my freedom. I do what I want when I want, but would not object to your company or being contacted by you because I am not hiding anything why would you assume I’m paranoid? I was not talking about little love notes, that's much different than constant contact. I don’t think most of us mean that. I/we are talking about people that are so insecure they have to keep tabs on you. all I’m saying is that I have no need to know what you are doing at all hours of the day. if you do have this need, I am not the one you should be with. pretty simple, no? btw, assuming someone has something to hide just because they require a bit of freedom, even whithin a relationship, sounds a little paranoid to me... I think we're talking about different things an obsession with controlling someone's whereabouts can be dangerously paranoid. That is different than what I meant, yes I am not paranoid, but I am experienced - if a man is hiding something he will become very defensive about his whereabouts and his phone/computer- so just based on some past experiences it is a bit of a red flag - if a man gets too defensive about his whereabouts that does seem a little paranoid, my first question is why if "he" imposes "requirements" he will not be in a relationship with me yes we were, and thankfully so. I was begging to get worried. haha! and yes, people (this is not gender exclusive)do get defensive when he/she has something to hide. ultimately, they will do what they think is best for them, weather that is thrive within the relationship or destroy it. I agree - either gender can be guilty I did not intend to pick on men I can see how it could destroy a relationship - like if a guy did cheat - he has to expect his wife would get a little more inquisitive about unexplained absences - but at some point she's gotta get that under control - or her inability to trust him again can be as damaging to the relationship as his cheating - no blame- no hate - just saying...most relationships do not survive infidelity infidelity is the number 1 thing couples can't get past and it causes the kind of behaviors you have been describing |
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Attitude. Smell. (too much/lack of perfume) Style. Body/facial hair. 'DB Syndrome'. Excessive talking. (rambling on about exes, i.e.) TMFI (telling me you had the clap once) Comparing me to others. Mangled hair. (like you just left Chainsaw Massacre house) Being toooooo shy. Just to name a few... Annoying laughs, and uncalled for ones too.. Damn you're picky.
Dayum straight, lol. |
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insecurity...the need for constant contact. having to know where I am and what I’m doing every moment of the day frightens me. I'm very difficult to reach and have gotten some flack for it - so it's not like this is something I'd do but at the same time, part of me is also suspicious if you aren't doing anything wrong why does this matter? Can you see how this paranoia makes it look like you may be doing things or with people you don;t want her to know about/ hiding something? I don't see it as paranoia when someone is not wanting to be hounded all the time about where they are. It is more like paranoia when someone has to check in all the time, worrying about where someone is and what they're doing. Especially in the beginning. I have pretty much already explained this he was talking about obssesive stuff and I was refering to little love notes/texts thru out the day so we were not talking about the same thing but I do think if a man is paranoid about you asking a simple question about his whereabouts it is a good sign that he is hiding something (experience) I've never had this problem in a relationship so that is why the whole subject just seems paranoid to me - on both sides in a good relationship people have no qualms about sharing that kind of info, and usually look forward to sharing the details of their day Asking a question about whereabouts is fine. Checking in all day long, every day, is not. The other thing that would bother me is if the guy did not trust me when I keep in touch with friends. I have several friends who are men and I would not give them up if someone I was dating happened to not like it. That to me also fits in with paranoia. well then you will have to find a man who would accept that. I do not know many who would |
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Attitude. Smell. (too much/lack of perfume) Style. Body/facial hair. 'DB Syndrome'. Excessive talking. (rambling on about exes, i.e.) TMFI (telling me you had the clap once) Comparing me to others. Mangled hair. (like you just left Chainsaw Massacre house) Being toooooo shy. Just to name a few... Annoying laughs, and uncalled for ones too.. Damn you're picky.
Dayum straight, lol. people need to look in the mirror I think |
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I wanna stalker......... Why not ME Ehh, even joking about it gives me the ebbie jeebies If you are not a stalker by nature you might want to study up on it so when you find your stalker or he finds you y'all have something to talk about. |
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I wanna stalker......... Why not ME Ehh, even joking about it gives me the ebbie jeebies really don't even go there - it is an experience you don't want |
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insecurity...the need for constant contact. having to know where I am and what I’m doing every moment of the day frightens me. I'm very difficult to reach and have gotten some flack for it - so it's not like this is something I'd do but at the same time, part of me is also suspicious if you aren't doing anything wrong why does this matter? Can you see how this paranoia makes it look like you may be doing things or with people you don;t want her to know about/ hiding something? I don't see it as paranoia when someone is not wanting to be hounded all the time about where they are. It is more like paranoia when someone has to check in all the time, worrying about where someone is and what they're doing. Especially in the beginning. I have pretty much already explained this he was talking about obssesive stuff and I was refering to little love notes/texts thru out the day so we were not talking about the same thing but I do think if a man is paranoid about you asking a simple question about his whereabouts it is a good sign that he is hiding something (experience) I've never had this problem in a relationship so that is why the whole subject just seems paranoid to me - on both sides in a good relationship people have no qualms about sharing that kind of info, and usually look forward to sharing the details of their day Asking a question about whereabouts is fine. Checking in all day long, every day, is not. The other thing that would bother me is if the guy did not trust me when I keep in touch with friends. I have several friends who are men and I would not give them up if someone I was dating happened to not like it. That to me also fits in with paranoia. well then you will have to find a man who would accept that. I do not know many who would Actually, I haven't really had trouble with it. I also don't give them a hard time about their friends either. So there really has not been an issue. I was just saying it isn't something I'd accept, as friends are absolutely important. |
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I wanna stalker......... Why not ME Ehh, even joking about it gives me the ebbie jeebies If you are not a stalker by nature you might want to study up on it so when you find your stalker or he finds you y'all have something to talk about. Its mah day off. I don't feel like reading. No one stalks me...*looks around, shuts blinds* |
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I wanna stalker......... Why not ME Ehh, even joking about it gives me the ebbie jeebies really don't even go there - it is an experience you don't want Honestly, is it ANY different than being in love? One could argue....Lines a-crossing. |
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Edited by
Sin_and_Sorrow
on
Sun 01/22/12 07:34 PM
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I wanna stalker......... Why not ME Ehh, even joking about it gives me the ebbie jeebies If you are not a stalker by nature you might want to study up on it so when you find your stalker or he finds you y'all have something to talk about. Its mah day off. I don't feel like reading. No one stalks me...*looks around, shuts blinds* I admire a stalker. Such devotion. |
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Edited by
RainbowTrout
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Sun 01/22/12 07:42 PM
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Speaking of 'too much' I am coming out of my infatuation stage with the nurse. I was doing pretty good especially when she started talking about the ex and the new boyfriend. But then she through me a curve when she said we should have a child together. Its like you really aren't helping me. Being addicted to another addict is really a whole new addiction all by itself. She is really enabling my addiction to her. Infatuations suck.
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