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| Topic: Too Much? | |
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I would rather have the platitude that I am responsible for my choices and their consequences, and that I can learn from them, than the platitude that everyone is a liar because I havent found my way in successfully screening potentials. I'm not saying everyone is a liar. I'm saying everyone who has told me "I don't want to change you" is a liar. Big difference. I don't know everyone. I do (or did) know everyone who claimed they didn't want to change me. Re: successfully screening potentials -- I have no frame of reference other than that "I don't want to change you" always turns out to be a lie. Successful screening relies on being able to spot differences, nuances, subtleties, and make distinctions based on them, and then act accordingly. When there are no discernible differences, it is extremely difficult to get a feel for who is being honest and who isn't. Especially when it inevitably turns out they never are! I hear what you're saying, but I don't think you're seeing the depth of my experience here. This is not something that happened once or twice or five or ten times. This is dozens and dozens of times. Yes, I may be very bad at choosing partners; but, on the other hand, if that's all that's out there, then my selection abilities are irrelevant. I have yet to see anything that would convince me there are any other kinds out there. The beginning and end of this post contradict each other. First, you say you're not saying everyone is a liar, just everyone that has said that to you. Then at the end, you say that's all that's out there, which to me says you're saying everyone. ..you missed a word. "IF". That's a small word, big meaning. Read it again and emphasize the IF. That's the whole point. But people read what they want to read, regardless of what's actually written. This sort of thing happens sometimes. |
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That's the whole point. But people read what they want to read, regardless of what's actually written. This sort of thing happens sometimes. And some of us have read what you've written over and over. You tend to say the same thing about women you've been involved with not living up to your expectations. So wording it a little differently in one post isn't going to make a difference. |
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I would rather have the platitude that I am responsible for my choices and their consequences, and that I can learn from them, than the platitude that everyone is a liar because I havent found my way in successfully screening potentials. I'm not saying everyone is a liar. I'm saying everyone who has told me "I don't want to change you" is a liar. Big difference. I don't know everyone. I do (or did) know everyone who claimed they didn't want to change me. Re: successfully screening potentials -- I have no frame of reference other than that "I don't want to change you" always turns out to be a lie. Successful screening relies on being able to spot differences, nuances, subtleties, and make distinctions based on them, and then act accordingly. When there are no discernible differences, it is extremely difficult to get a feel for who is being honest and who isn't. Especially when it inevitably turns out they never are! I hear what you're saying, but I don't think you're seeing the depth of my experience here. This is not something that happened once or twice or five or ten times. This is dozens and dozens of times. Yes, I may be very bad at choosing partners; but, on the other hand, if that's all that's out there, then my selection abilities are irrelevant. I have yet to see anything that would convince me there are any other kinds out there. The beginning and end of this post contradict each other. First, you say you're not saying everyone is a liar, just everyone that has said that to you. Then at the end, you say that's all that's out there, which to me says you're saying everyone. ..you missed a word. "IF". That's a small word, big meaning. Read it again and emphasize the IF. He has still been making the assumption that all that's out there are women like those he's already been with, which is of course not true. I do make that assumption -- and that's exactly what it is, an assumption -- as that's all I have ever seen. If 5 people come up to me and vehemently claim that the moon is not actually orbiting the earth, am I supposed to take them seriously just because they're telling me this? I can accept that "everybody is not like this" might be true. But I have no way of proving it, and history testifies to the contrary. If you're going to ask me to deny all the accumulated evidence of my personal history, I would have to protest. |
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Edited by
Sin_and_Sorrow
on
Mon 01/23/12 09:23 PM
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I would rather have the platitude that I am responsible for my choices and their consequences, and that I can learn from them, than the platitude that everyone is a liar because I havent found my way in successfully screening potentials. I'm not saying everyone is a liar. I'm saying everyone who has told me "I don't want to change you" is a liar. Big difference. I don't know everyone. I do (or did) know everyone who claimed they didn't want to change me. Re: successfully screening potentials -- I have no frame of reference other than that "I don't want to change you" always turns out to be a lie. Successful screening relies on being able to spot differences, nuances, subtleties, and make distinctions based on them, and then act accordingly. When there are no discernible differences, it is extremely difficult to get a feel for who is being honest and who isn't. Especially when it inevitably turns out they never are! I hear what you're saying, but I don't think you're seeing the depth of my experience here. This is not something that happened once or twice or five or ten times. This is dozens and dozens of times. Yes, I may be very bad at choosing partners; but, on the other hand, if that's all that's out there, then my selection abilities are irrelevant. I have yet to see anything that would convince me there are any other kinds out there. The beginning and end of this post contradict each other. First, you say you're not saying everyone is a liar, just everyone that has said that to you. Then at the end, you say that's all that's out there, which to me says you're saying everyone. ..you missed a word. "IF". That's a small word, big meaning. Read it again and emphasize the IF. He has still been making the assumption that all that's out there are women like those he's already been with, which is of course not true. No, no, no. Lex is trying to say, that in his experiences that is all he has encountered so, if that is all you know.. it is not unreasonable to live with the belief that that is all that is out there because no one has been able to disprove his self-created belief. We know it's not true. I know it's not true. However, it is his experienced opinion that led him to that conclusion. Therefore, the only logical way for you to actually disprove his belief would to literally go and meet him in person and then change his mind by doing the opposite of his belief by not doing what he is already accustomed to and expects to happen. He is not literally saying 'everyone is this way' because he is also stating he could 'never in his life time meet everyone'. |
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That's the whole point. But people read what they want to read, regardless of what's actually written. This sort of thing happens sometimes. And some of us have read what you've written over and over. You tend to say the same thing about women you've been involved with not living up to your expectations. So wording it a little differently in one post isn't going to make a difference. My "expectations" are that they would be honest with me about what they want out of the relationship. Is this unreasonable? |
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Did they really lie about their intentions for the relationship or is it possible that they just changed their mind when they fell for the wonderfulness of you? Well, that's a nice alternative!  But, in point of fact, I try to be very clear about what I'm looking for, from the very start. I don't want there to be any ambiguities or gray areas -- and when they (initially) agree with me, I think we have some common ground, some common goals, a way to build a sold foundation for a relationship. But then they always pull the rug out from under me 90 days later. Some of them have told me, after the fact, that they were sure they could get me to change once I got to know them well enough. I find this sort of deviousness reprehensible. |
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I would rather have the platitude that I am responsible for my choices and their consequences, and that I can learn from them, than the platitude that everyone is a liar because I havent found my way in successfully screening potentials. I'm not saying everyone is a liar. I'm saying everyone who has told me "I don't want to change you" is a liar. Big difference. I don't know everyone. I do (or did) know everyone who claimed they didn't want to change me. Re: successfully screening potentials -- I have no frame of reference other than that "I don't want to change you" always turns out to be a lie. Successful screening relies on being able to spot differences, nuances, subtleties, and make distinctions based on them, and then act accordingly. When there are no discernible differences, it is extremely difficult to get a feel for who is being honest and who isn't. Especially when it inevitably turns out they never are! I hear what you're saying, but I don't think you're seeing the depth of my experience here. This is not something that happened once or twice or five or ten times. This is dozens and dozens of times. Yes, I may be very bad at choosing partners; but, on the other hand, if that's all that's out there, then my selection abilities are irrelevant. I have yet to see anything that would convince me there are any other kinds out there. The beginning and end of this post contradict each other. First, you say you're not saying everyone is a liar, just everyone that has said that to you. Then at the end, you say that's all that's out there, which to me says you're saying everyone. ..you missed a word. "IF". That's a small word, big meaning. Read it again and emphasize the IF. He has still been making the assumption that all that's out there are women like those he's already been with, which is of course not true. No, no, no. Lex is trying to say, that in his experiences that is all he has encountered so, if that is all you know.. it is not unreasonable to live with the belief that that is all that is out there because no one has been able to disprove his self-created belief. We know it's not true. I know it's not true. However, it is his experienced opinion that led him to that conclusion. Therefore, the only logical way for you to actually disprove his belief would to literally go and meet him in person and then change his mind by doing the opposite of his belief by not doing what he is already accustomed to and expects to happen. He is not literally saying 'everyone is this way' because he is also stating he could 'never in his life time meet everyone'. Thanks, it's nice to know that someone is actually reading what I wrote without trying to twist it into something entirely different....!
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Here's a good analogy.
You are standing there. 1,000 unknown fruits will approach you. Half way through, this is what has happened. You had 500 fruits come up to you and say: "I am an orange." Later, you discover, that Orange was actually an apple. This happened, 500 times in a row. Each lying and saying the same thing. Is it wrong to make the assumption that those next fruits will come out and say the same thing, and lie the same way? That's the frame of mind he is holding. He doesn't care if you're an apple or an orange. Just don't lie about what you are. Your still yummy. xD |
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Thanks, it's nice to know that someone is actually reading what I wrote without trying to twist it into something entirely different....! Meh, it's probably because I have that same opinion about some things.. Not this, however, but.. some things. >.> ..and you're welcome. |
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That's the whole point. But people read what they want to read, regardless of what's actually written. This sort of thing happens sometimes. And some of us have read what you've written over and over. You tend to say the same thing about women you've been involved with not living up to your expectations. So wording it a little differently in one post isn't going to make a difference. My "expectations" are that they would be honest with me about what they want out of the relationship. Is this unreasonable? Of course not. You should stick to your expectations. |
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I would rather have the platitude that I am responsible for my choices and their consequences, and that I can learn from them, than the platitude that everyone is a liar because I havent found my way in successfully screening potentials. I'm not saying everyone is a liar. I'm saying everyone who has told me "I don't want to change you" is a liar. Big difference. I don't know everyone. I do (or did) know everyone who claimed they didn't want to change me. Re: successfully screening potentials -- I have no frame of reference other than that "I don't want to change you" always turns out to be a lie. Successful screening relies on being able to spot differences, nuances, subtleties, and make distinctions based on them, and then act accordingly. When there are no discernible differences, it is extremely difficult to get a feel for who is being honest and who isn't. Especially when it inevitably turns out they never are! I hear what you're saying, but I don't think you're seeing the depth of my experience here. This is not something that happened once or twice or five or ten times. This is dozens and dozens of times. Yes, I may be very bad at choosing partners; but, on the other hand, if that's all that's out there, then my selection abilities are irrelevant. I have yet to see anything that would convince me there are any other kinds out there. The beginning and end of this post contradict each other. First, you say you're not saying everyone is a liar, just everyone that has said that to you. Then at the end, you say that's all that's out there, which to me says you're saying everyone. ..you missed a word. "IF". That's a small word, big meaning. Read it again and emphasize the IF. He has still been making the assumption that all that's out there are women like those he's already been with, which is of course not true. No, no, no. Lex is trying to say, that in his experiences that is all he has encountered so, if that is all you know.. it is not unreasonable to live with the belief that that is all that is out there because no one has been able to disprove his self-created belief. We know it's not true. I know it's not true. However, it is his experienced opinion that led him to that conclusion. Therefore, the only logical way for you to actually disprove his belief would to literally go and meet him in person and then change his mind by doing the opposite of his belief by not doing what he is already accustomed to and expects to happen. He is not literally saying 'everyone is this way' because he is also stating he could 'never in his life time meet everyone'. Yes, as I have said already, I do get what he means. Lex is a big boy and has explained what he means. We all have different preferences, different experiences and different opinions. Generalizing doesn't really help. |
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Did they really lie about their intentions for the relationship or is it possible that they just changed their mind when they fell for the wonderfulness of you? Well, that's a nice alternative! But, in point of fact, I try to be very clear about what I'm looking for, from the very start. I don't want there to be any ambiguities or gray areas -- and when they (initially) agree with me, I think we have some common ground, some common goals, a way to build a sold foundation for a relationship. But then they always pull the rug out from under me 90 days later. Some of them have told me, after the fact, that they were sure they could get me to change once I got to know them well enough. I find this sort of deviousness reprehensible. I would agree with you. It shouldn't be so hard for people to be honouring of one another. And part of that honouring is allowing them to be who they are. I find it quite arrogant actually that people would even think they could or should change another. |
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insecurity...the need for constant contact. having to know where I am and what I’m doing every moment of the day frightens me. What are you doing now?    Ahhh, levity, my best-est friend on cold, rainy nights such as this |
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Tue 01/24/12 11:35 AM
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I would rather have the platitude that I am responsible for my choices and their consequences, and that I can learn from them, than the platitude that everyone is a liar because I havent found my way in successfully screening potentials. I'm not saying everyone is a liar. I'm saying everyone who has told me "I don't want to change you" is a liar. Big difference. I don't know everyone. I do (or did) know everyone who claimed they didn't want to change me. Re: successfully screening potentials -- I have no frame of reference other than that "I don't want to change you" always turns out to be a lie. Successful screening relies on being able to spot differences, nuances, subtleties, and make distinctions based on them, and then act accordingly. When there are no discernible differences, it is extremely difficult to get a feel for who is being honest and who isn't. Especially when it inevitably turns out they never are! I hear what you're saying, but I don't think you're seeing the depth of my experience here. This is not something that happened once or twice or five or ten times. This is dozens and dozens of times. Yes, I may be very bad at choosing partners; but, on the other hand, if that's all that's out there, then my selection abilities are irrelevant. I have yet to see anything that would convince me there are any other kinds out there. The beginning and end of this post contradict each other. First, you say you're not saying everyone is a liar, just everyone that has said that to you. Then at the end, you say that's all that's out there, which to me says you're saying everyone. ..you missed a word. "IF". That's a small word, big meaning. Read it again and emphasize the IF. He has still been making the assumption that all that's out there are women like those he's already been with, which is of course not true. No, no, no. Lex is trying to say, that in his experiences that is all he has encountered so, if that is all you know.. it is not unreasonable to live with the belief that that is all that is out there because no one has been able to disprove his self-created belief. We know it's not true. I know it's not true. However, it is his experienced opinion that led him to that conclusion. Therefore, the only logical way for you to actually disprove his belief would to literally go and meet him in person and then change his mind by doing the opposite of his belief by not doing what he is already accustomed to and expects to happen. He is not literally saying 'everyone is this way' because he is also stating he could 'never in his life time meet everyone'. Thanks, it's nice to know that someone is actually reading what I wrote without trying to twist it into something entirely different....! I understood what you were saying too Lex as what you are saying is based on your own experiences. That is something I can relate to. 
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