I've been on these dating sites for a while and have seen the good and the bad. What if someone I know closely asked me to seriously consider marriage in the future even though I have just viewed him as a friend. I can see us building a life together, having children, getting along wonderfully, plus we have the same morals? can you grow over time to love? i believe to some degree i can but i know i don't love him right now and i've told him up front that i do not love him but he still wants this with me?

How clear and firm has your "I don't love you" message been?

I told him right now he is just a friend and maybe someday it could turn into love. He has a lot of what I am looking for.

Sorry, I read that too fast.

It sounds like you -do- have some interest in possibly marrying him someday, so you are probably sending him some mixed signals. My first thought was "Is this guy being pushy without respecting your feelings?" but now I think the question is "What does it really mean to be in love with someone, and how do you decide if someone is right for you?"

I agree with mass, don't force yourself to do something that is not from the heart. For right when you make a commitment to one the real one will walk by, then where does that leave you. It will happen for you best friends are hard to come by, you may need him in the future.

(posts out of sync)

u maybe growing hopes on him that in the future can hurt him
if u really don't love him, just say that and don't say maybe in the future because u will have him waiting on you.
Who knows he pass through his real love, and just for be waiting in the hope u gave him. He loses the chance to love and be loved the way he desserves.
It might be somehow selfish

CADDIE~ THATS GOOD THAT YOU FOUND SOMEONE THAT HAS THE SAME VIEWS AS YOU.... THE "I LOVE YOU" SITUATION HAS ALWAYS BEEN A TOUGHIE FOR ME, SO WITH THAT ILL SAY THIS HE SHOULD RESPECT YOU FOR BEING FRIENDS ..MAYBE THINGS WILL DEVOLP OVER TIME IF NOT THEN ITS NOT MEANT TO BE ... I HOPE THAT HELPS SOMEWHAT

As I am making a return to these forums and this site tonight and my first post since a few weeks or less.

Here I go..

If you have made it perfectly clear to this guy that you do not love in or feel the same for him as he does right now, then he should just get that and let things be as it is.

But to answer your question can you build your self into falling into love when your not in love with the person at this point in time. Well I guess it just depends.

Well people do change there minds so never know for sure.

All I can say is you got to do what you got to do, but bottom line is right now you do not love this guy the same way he does, so why not just tell him you rather be friends like all woman tent to end up doing.

but i know at some day i could grow to love him. he is awesome.

then question is: are you really committed to try to love him?
if ur honest answer is yes, then go ahead

Not everyone uses the word "love" in the same way, some people use it with a focus on the feeling of exhilaration that comes with a new relationship, and others use it with a focus on a deep feeling of comfort and trust. When it comes to marriage, I am more interested in having a deep and enduring connection than in getting butterflies and such.

Honestly, I would wait until you are truly ready for marriage b/c it is a huge step. If he loves you he will respect your decision. You really don't need that piece of paper to prove your love anyhow. There is no rush. If you think it will grow into something more, then let it and eventually you will know you're ready. The fact that you are having second thoughts and posting the question shows you want to give it a little more time.

Dont get married!! (This is going to be as popular as pork at a jewish wedding) Except for the tax breaks!

Just live apart and see each other at weekends!

Great for peace and quiet, and longevity of relationships!

Honestly some friendships are better off left that way

If you dont love him it wont work thats what happen 2 me in my frist marrige and now i will never marry again because of it. We where freinds and she ask me to marry her 2 get her famly of her back we loved each other like bother and sitter not like boy freind and gril freind and now because of it i am a out cast from her famly and mine she turn my kidds anganst me and both sides of the famly 2 the point they wont even say hi 2 me if you are freinds stay freinds.BUT thats just my opion.

i like this one better

Marrying for reasons other than love never works...Comfort and security will eventually not be enough...If you don't love him now...then don't marry him....My question is...What if you don't eventually love him...then what????

i think you could grow to love him, however you will not be in love with him!!!!!!!!
there is a difference!!
i was never in love with my ex-husband, but i did and i still do love him. he is the father or my children and i spent 14 years with him.

Just take your time, there is NO HURRY to do anything.
You can date this guy & others to figure out what YOU want.
Don't let anyone push you to move fast.