How do you guys feel about your mates having friends of the opposite sex?

I'm fine with it.

it doesnt bother me in the least.

well if my flat mates were to bring a gaggle of blokes by for some pints and shrimp on the barbie i would have to say, "git er done"

well,,,if Im gonna be honest

I feel that friends should be mutual friends once we are an item. There should be no NEW opposite sex relationships that arent with both of us.

IF there were friendships that were there before we got together, than that is fine.

I am uncomfortable with it....maybe due to my own insecurities.

I feel that if you have an old friend that you talked to before me that there should still be some level of respect. No late night phone call and talking to that person several times a day is a no no.

I don't want to compete for my mans attention.

I am very closed minded. I would like to change that but it's hard!

So, you give the person you're dating rules when it comes to their friends? Even if they were friends with them before you? Sorry, but that would be a major red flag if someone I started dating told me I could only talk to certain friends when they said it was ok. It's all about control. I'm an adult. I don't need someone else to try and control my actions just because of their own insecurities. If they're that insecure, we won't last long.

I understand as I think my dad probably would have agreed that married couples have no place for 'seperate' friends of the opposite sex.

I think that comes from a culture that very often sees the opposite sex relationships as automatically being either romantic or having an intention or open to potential romance

it certainly removes competition from those who may already have an 'in'

..but I think it is unfair to ask true friends (Which sometimes happens between the opposite sex) to throw out their friendship.
It would be more reasonable to expect certain adaptations(as you would with any friendships)


in respect to how their one on one time with each other is split up compared to your partners time with you (it should decrease for them)


those friends should meet and respect you and your relationship and not be un supportive of it,,,,


,,,those are the types of compromises that may help, I know I wouldnt object to such requests from a partner to compromise in such a way,, but I would never accept a request to just toss away a true friend(unless they were causing a problem for our relationship, which wouldnt be a true friend anyhow)

Good point.

I also have reasons for being this way in my current relationship. I know you are suppose to forgive and forget but I was cheated on previously by this person and I don't want it to happen again.

My insecurity stems from the stuff that has happened with in our relationship.

I agree totally and would never ask him to stop being friends. I just want there to be a certain level of respect.

This came up tonight because I saw and email from one of his old friends that referred to me as being close minded because I am a "black chick"

----------------------------

Friends: I generally have a lot of respect and appreciation for any pre-existing friends, male or female, that demonstrate sincere caring for the woman I love. If she's friends with people I see as harmful influences I might question her friendship.

With her forming new friends I'm sensitive to whether they show respect for our relationship. Why would either of us embrace friendship with someone who wants to drive us apart?

Aint no thing to me. AS long as they don't try to act too familiar with her if you catch my drift.

I think it would be strange if it didn't happen. I'm fine and always will be.

not sure how this quote thing works but wanted to reply to the last part..hopefully he will now see his 'friend's' true colors and drop her...now that you have checked yourselve for irrational thinking...I say trust your instincts....

I think it is a good test of a relationship. I can remember being infatuated with women and saw any man as a threat to the relationship before. If the relationship has went past the infatuation phase then I would probably be trusting of her. Since I already have a lot of female friends and usually make friends easy I am sure I would want her to have as many friends as she wants to have.

That makes a lot if sense. Yes we have been dating for over 3 yrs and we have a son together. I am bringing this up because most of his friends are females and he complains about not having the same social life that he had before our relationship. lately when I try planning things with my GIRLFRIENDS he gets annoyed. Never wants to stay home and watch the baby if I make a last minute plan. I just think it is unfair because if he decides to make last minute plans i have no choice but to stay home.

I asked him to stop speaking to a female that he used to sleep with because they were discussing our relationship and reminiscing on their past encounters.

HELP!! Am I being unreasonable??

Oh, opposite sex friends who were ex's... that's quite different. These are valid concerns.

Joint counseling. He needs to understand why you are concerned and
you both have to come to a better mutual understanding of what is
going to keep your relationship solid. If he is unwilling to do some
joint counseling it is a red flag.

You see, I draw the line at booty calls. And ongoing relationships
with ex-booty calls.

It is not healthy in a relationship to maintain an intimate
friendship with someone who has previously been in a serious
sexual relationship with one of the partners.

You should be able to take turns going out. If he goes out with his
friends you should get the next opportunity to go out with your
friends while he watches the kids. You might even keep a written
list so it does not get too one sided. But in a really healthy
relationship you each would have an equal number - and also you
both would want to go out with each other on dates on a regular
basis without the kids.

I've been able to arrange that by having a family member watch the
kids or by taking turns with friends or neighbors where on one
night we watched their kids and they go out for a few hours and
then on another occasion they would watch out kids while we would
step out!

Good luck - it really does sound to me at least like you both
might benefit from a few sessions of joint counseling to help
resolve the friends with ex-lovers issue and the getting time
to socialize away from the kids issue.



People in a committed relationship can and do work these things
out but it sometimes is helpful to get some unbiased expert
advice on making it work!

it doesn't bother me... if you dont trust your partner, then you shouldn't be with them

Why do you assume new friends would try to drive you apart?