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| Topic: opposite sex frndship with in ur relationshp..... | |
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I don't have a problem with her having male friends until they get more of her time then I do. Then I get a bit jealous.
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right and I also saw your comment making the distinction between an old friend and someone with malicious intent. I agree. It is the latter I'd be concerned about. Afterall if u know that a man u are talking to as a work chum, for example, has a girlfriend - why pursue that friendship wiht any real frequency? I can see no reason to be on the phone with an opposite gender friend at times when you'd normally be with ur partner - like late at night....unless there is some kind of emergency etc - so I think it is a matter of what constitutes appropriate and respectful behavior....if u have to tell a man that his relationship with another woman bothers you, chances are he IS spending too much time with her and that's a bad sign... Yes, a friend and someone with intent to cause trouble are quite different. But, I'm just not going to assume everyone is the latter. I like time with my friends and I would hope someone I'm dating still enjoys time with his friends. I'd worry more about a guy who had no friends, than a guy with female friends. I have male friends who are dating or married that I keep in touch with. There's nothing more than friendship going on and their girlfriends/wives have never had a problem with it. I see nothing inappropriate about keeping in touch either. I would only be concerned if a boyfriend seemed to prefer the company of other women or was flirtatious or suggestive with other women Yeah, I see preferring the company of other women or wanting more from other women as completely different than what I've been talking about. So, I agree with you. |
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well, in the end...if this man's friend is a true friend and becomes aware that their continued interaction is causing strain in his relationship then she would bow out...especially when there is a child involved. Give them the space they need to work on things...that's if she truly cares about his happiness and the well being of the child. There have been more than a couple times in life where I have sensed jealously from the spouse of a friend...even though there may be issues..and their relationship may be in trouble...I am certainly not going to be the nail in the coffin...or the straw...etc...etc..I bow out, ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE IS A CHILD INVOLVED!
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to me it is not a matter of control as much as it is respect....if a man wants talking to all those other women - he can go and sleep wiht them bye Yeah, setting boundaries and respecting your own desires isn't necessarily about control. It can totally just be about respect, self respect, and honoring boundaries. For some it might become about 'control' when someone tries to force someone else to stay with them while also trying to force them to conform to their expectations. I feel that you can either accept them as they are and be with them, or set standards and be willing to let them go. Either way is fine in my book. Holding on to them and expecting them conform to your expectations - that's when it gets controlling. |
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right and I also saw your comment making the distinction between an old friend and someone with malicious intent. I agree. It is the latter I'd be concerned about. Afterall if u know that a man u are talking to as a work chum, for example, has a girlfriend - why pursue that friendship wiht any real frequency? I can see no reason to be on the phone with an opposite gender friend at times when you'd normally be with ur partner - like late at night....unless there is some kind of emergency etc - so I think it is a matter of what constitutes appropriate and respectful behavior....if u have to tell a man that his relationship with another woman bothers you, chances are he IS spending too much time with her and that's a bad sign... Yes, a friend and someone with intent to cause trouble are quite different. But, I'm just not going to assume everyone is the latter. I like time with my friends and I would hope someone I'm dating still enjoys time with his friends. I'd worry more about a guy who had no friends, than a guy with female friends. I have male friends who are dating or married that I keep in touch with. There's nothing more than friendship going on and their girlfriends/wives have never had a problem with it. I see nothing inappropriate about keeping in touch either. I would only be concerned if a boyfriend seemed to prefer the company of other women or was flirtatious or suggestive with other women Yeah, I see preferring the company of other women or wanting more from other women as completely different than what I've been talking about. So, I agree with you. I see that as the word "friend" having different interpretations, and I guess that is what would need to be understood just so everyone is on the same page- as I have had that "but we are just friends" excuse handed to me before....and it turned out he was still sleeping with his ex |
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I've had that happen, too. But, I'm still not going to assume any time someone I'm dating is sleeping with his friends. That would be a bit too paranoid for me. Just as I don't want a guy I'm dating to assume I'm sleeping with all my friends just because a past girlfriend has cheated on him.
We all have different ways of dealing with things, though. |
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to me it is not a matter of control as much as it is respect....if a man wants talking to all those other women - he can go and sleep wiht them bye Yeah, setting boundaries and respecting your own desires isn't necessarily about control. It can totally just be about respect, self respect, and honoring boundaries. For some it might become about 'control' when someone tries to force someone else to stay with them while also trying to force them to conform to their expectations. I feel that you can either accept them as they are and be with them, or set standards and be willing to let them go. Either way is fine in my book. Holding on to them and expecting them conform to your expectations - that's when it gets controlling. in a general sense I agree. I do think we always have certain expectations so it is good to add those to the compatibility quotient when in the getting to know you stage. I don;t really set down a list of criteria (or respond well to that) but I do observe his behavior around other women - I think it's good if he is positive to women but after we are a couple I think hi s behavior should indicate that he is clearly no longer available - tho still friendly - so this is what I would look for as far as fidelity - which is the real issue regarding opposite gender freinds and I agree if I did not observe some similar trend to what I have described I am not sure the relationship could progress in intimacy - not that we could not stay freinds tho |
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well, in the end...if this man's friend is a true friend and becomes aware that their continued interaction is causing strain in his relationship then she would bow out...especially when there is a child involved. Give them the space they need to work on things...that's if she truly cares about his happiness and the well being of the child. There have been more than a couple times in life where I have sensed jealously from the spouse of a friend...even though there may be issues..and their relationship may be in trouble...I am certainly not going to be the nail in the coffin...or the straw...etc...etc..I bow out, ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE IS A CHILD INVOLVED!  hear hear
it's nice that u do not want to be known as a homewrecker I would not want that either - if his relationship ends and he comes to you later that is another story but in the mean time I also would not want to interfere |
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I've had that happen, too. But, I'm still not going to assume any time someone I'm dating is sleeping with his friends. That would be a bit too paranoid for me. Just as I don't want a guy I'm dating to assume I'm sleeping with all my friends just because a past girlfriend has cheated on him. We all have different ways of dealing with things, though. I agree! and I have been on both sides of that issue, I think despite our past "lessons learned" we have to move into each new relationship with a "clean slate" but perhaps a little "wiser" no harm in caution |
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I've had that happen, too. But, I'm still not going to assume any time someone I'm dating is sleeping with his friends. That would be a bit too paranoid for me. Just as I don't want a guy I'm dating to assume I'm sleeping with all my friends just because a past girlfriend has cheated on him. We all have different ways of dealing with things, though. I agree! and I have been on both sides of that issue, I think despite our past "lessons learned" we have to move into each new relationship with a "clean slate" but perhaps a little "wiser" no harm in caution I agree. 
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