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| Topic: Age difference dilemma. Please help me. | |
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Here goes my first problem on mingle, people:
I’m on this other dating site that I don’t really use that much and yesterday someone send the most perfect message to me, letting me know much he loved what I shared of myself and that he he is VERY interested in getting to know me. I looked at his profile and agree with him that we’re on the same wave length on so many levels. Here comes the problem. I’m 46 and he is 28. In his profile he listed that he is looking for someone between ages 20-30, which tells me he does not have a fetish for older women. I like that. It shows that he is sincerely interested in me. However, this age difference problem has been haunting me forever. In my 30s it wasn’t a big deal but now it’s causing me to isolate myself from the dating world because I can’t find anyone compatible or someone I’m interested in who is near my age. Believe me, I tried. I really don’t think getting involved with anyone younger than 40 or 39 is realistic. I need some empathy about my situation and I’m curious about your take on it. I don’t even know how to respond. What do you think? |
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Hmmmm.
Some people's life experiences culminate in maturity really early. Some never get there. Pure prejudice to decide that before knowing them. This is not to say that CHANCES are that too great a disparity in age might be a problem. No guts, no glory though. Some people have no tolerance for taking chances. Methinks they are home alone a lot. |
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It's really a decision you're going to have to make. Some people are fine with bigger age differences. If you think he's interesting, get to know him a little and see what happens. If you really think the age difference will bother you, let him know right away so he can move onto someone else.
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I'm very flattered and I know that I will make my decision after getting to know him. I'm the last person on this planet to discriminate or judge. On the contrary, I am trying to figure out if I would be selfish and acting irresponsibly by trusting that everything will be okay. 18 years is not nothing. Nothing wrong with putting some thought into it. Basically, I am just thinking out loud. Thanks for your thoughts. I'm actually very excited.
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Wow, honestly, I'm almost 28 myself.
My first thought was, you're old enough to be my mum  But, I guess that's just me. All the best to you! 
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It's really a decision you're going to have to make. Some people are fine with bigger age differences. If you think he's interesting, get to know him a little and see what happens. If you really think the age difference will bother you, let him know right away so he can move onto someone else. That's not an issue. I imagine it will be very easy to communicate with each other. I'm glad you responded. You said in other posts that you draw the line at 8 years difference. Can you relate to my dilemma? |
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Wow, honestly, I'm almost 28 myself. My first thought was, you're old enough to be my mum But, I guess that's just me. All the best to you! The difference between you and him is that he doesn't hide his identity behind passive aggressive words like you do. The fact I could technically be his mother is a valid point though, thus my dilemma. |
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It's really a decision you're going to have to make. Some people are fine with bigger age differences. If you think he's interesting, get to know him a little and see what happens. If you really think the age difference will bother you, let him know right away so he can move onto someone else. That's not an issue. I imagine it will be very easy to communicate with each other. I'm glad you responded. You said in other posts that you draw the line at 8 years difference. Can you relate to my dilemma? 8 years younger is the youngest I've dated. Any younger would be very early 20s, which is just too young for me. Even at 8 years younger, I have to get to know the person a bit before considering it, so yes, I can relate! You'll lose nothing by getting to know him a bit. Good luck! |
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Well, I am 42, I am completely open to someone who is younger if the person is interested. I dont think age is the factor that you should be concentrating on but maturity level and chemistry between the two of you. Go on a couple of dates and see how it feels dont back out before you give it a chance.
I know of several couples that have ten or more years age difference and they are still happily married for at least 30 years. |
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Well, I am 42, I am completely open to someone who is younger if the person is interested. I dont think age is the factor that you should be concentrating on but maturity level and chemistry between the two of you. Go on a couple of dates and see how it feels dont back out before you give it a chance. I know of several couples that have ten or more years age difference and they are still happily married for at least 30 years. Age can be a big issue, as the bigger the age gap, the more likely they'll be at different places in life. For me, that's one of the main issues I'm not interested in dating someone much older than me. |
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It's really a decision you're going to have to make. Some people are fine with bigger age differences. If you think he's interesting, get to know him a little and see what happens. If you really think the age difference will bother you, let him know right away so he can move onto someone else. That's not an issue. I imagine it will be very easy to communicate with each other. I'm glad you responded. You said in other posts that you draw the line at 8 years difference. Can you relate to my dilemma? 8 years younger is the youngest I've dated. Any younger would be very early 20s, which is just too young for me. Even at 8 years younger, I have to get to know the person a bit before considering it, so yes, I can relate! You'll lose nothing by getting to know him a bit. Good luck! You're right. And we may decide to be friends. |
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I'm actually very excited. Actually looking to your age...YOU SHOULD NOT BE!!(Sorry,for being too frank)In any relationship (Though humans or animals) elders has to be more responsible naturally.So its your job to predict & verify soundness of would be relationship before entering into it without getting excited. AND If you are too excited to refrain your self from rational thinking then whatever anybody says that wont make any difference in ur deciesion...so go & hv fun.why wasting time in thinking too much!! 
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Edited by
prashant01
on
Mon 08/29/11 01:09 PM
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Well, I am 42, I am completely open to someone who is younger if the person is interested. I dont think age is the factor that you should be concentrating on but maturity level and chemistry between the two of you. Go on a couple of dates and see how it feels dont back out before you give it a chance. I know of several couples that have ten or more years age difference and they are still happily married for at least 30 years. 90% percent people are ready for & expecting younger partners.I corelate this with humanly most common desire to look younger,to be always younger;So it is not abnormal,but yes...its quite abnormal to be ready for partnering with much olders,may be that is some psychological disorder like insecurity feeling,underconfidence too!! So I think its a cause of worry & not a good idea at all the times to relate with SUCH younger ones. |
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I'm actually very excited. Actually looking to your age...YOU SHOULD NOT BE!!(Sorry,for being too frank)In any relationship (Though humans or animals) elders has to be more responsible naturally.So its your job to predict & verify soundness of would be relationship before entering into it without getting excited. AND If you are too excited to refrain your self from rational thinking then whatever anybody says that wont make any difference in ur deciesion...so go & hv fun.why wasting time in thinking too much!! My thoughts, concerns, actions, and excitement are at a perfect pace. But I do appreciate the cheer. The responsibility aspect I threw in there is related to honesty with myself and authenticity. |
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The best thing to do is to follow ur heart hun. A lot of younger men like me will prefer older ladies cuz of the level of maturity. He did not make the step blindly, he definitely must have looked at ur age before doing that... The only advice i will give to u is that, u should know how to go abt it and take note that not all young men who go for older ladies want love, some just want sex and maybe their money..... BE WISE HUN
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OMG, this is such a depressing thread. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.
 Will do.
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He is probably really 63 but lying about his age so just go for it!
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Drama, drama, drama,
what's the big deal? Talk to the dude. See where it goes. It's online chat not a marriage contract. |
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Here goes my first problem on mingle, people: I’m on this other dating site that I don’t really use that much and yesterday someone send the most perfect message to me, letting me know much he loved what I shared of myself and that he he is VERY interested in getting to know me. I looked at his profile and agree with him that we’re on the same wave length on so many levels. Here comes the problem. I’m 46 and he is 28. In his profile he listed that he is looking for someone between ages 20-30, which tells me he does not have a fetish for older women. I like that. It shows that he is sincerely interested in me. However, this age difference problem has been haunting me forever. In my 30s it wasn’t a big deal but now it’s causing me to isolate myself from the dating world because I can’t find anyone compatible or someone I’m interested in who is near my age. Believe me, I tried. I really don’t think getting involved with anyone younger than 40 or 39 is realistic. I need some empathy about my situation and I’m curious about your take on it. I don’t even know how to respond. What do you think? do it or not and pass up who could be the man u love for the rest of ur life  is that not all that matters?but be careful sometimes the young ones aren't sincere - good luck |
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Here goes my first problem on mingle, people: I’m on this other dating site that I don’t really use that much and yesterday someone send the most perfect message to me, letting me know much he loved what I shared of myself and that he he is VERY interested in getting to know me. I looked at his profile and agree with him that we’re on the same wave length on so many levels. Here comes the problem. I’m 46 and he is 28. In his profile he listed that he is looking for someone between ages 20-30, which tells me he does not have a fetish for older women. I like that. It shows that he is sincerely interested in me. However, this age difference problem has been haunting me forever. In my 30s it wasn’t a big deal but now it’s causing me to isolate myself from the dating world because I can’t find anyone compatible or someone I’m interested in who is near my age. Believe me, I tried. I really don’t think getting involved with anyone younger than 40 or 39 is realistic. I need some empathy about my situation and I’m curious about your take on it. I don’t even know how to respond. What do you think? Younger men(in the twenties and younger) are not my thing, but you have to go with your gut, dont prejudge based upon one correspondence, he may be on your level, he may not, he may not have really read the whole profile if he is looking for an age range ten years younger than you but didnt notice what your age is on your profile ID say, its much too early to even sweat it,,, |
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