Except that it has forums and many people get to know each other as friends. I've had someone assume that I wanted more because we emailed and got along well and I had thought we were just becoming friends. So, I'd never assume that just because I've sent more than a few emails back and forth with someone that they want more. There would need to be more to it.

as I said we will have to agree to disagree - I defintely assume that and I think it's a safe assumption because this is ultimately a dating site

and

in reading my former profile, it was quite obvious that I was not on here for platonic friends or penpals or casual sex (which I was mailed for anyway - even tho I stated I wasn't into that) as it was specifically stated on my profile - so that also is significant



really have nothing else to say on the subject

Calm down . The forums are for discussion, yes? I was just trying to see why someone would make that kind of assumption, especially when I've been in that situation and the assumption was not correct. Then again, I tend not to make assumptions, because they can often be wrong. But, if you want to assume that any man who emails you more than a few times is into you as more than a friend, go for it. I hope you're right each time.

yea......hi...

Yes that will continue to be my assumption - and hopefully -true as I will not continue mailing if I am not - not interested in misleading anyone

- but honestly I am mostly here for the forums at this point because I have had 2 bad expereinces on here...enough is enough (why no profile right now)

Also, sorry to confuse - I am calm, because I do not agree with you does not mean I am not calm - the disadvantage of written only medium is sometimes the misinterpretation of mood. So apologies for any confusion there.

The forums are for discussion, but no one is obligated to discuss anything just because it is asked. So I feel it is my choice to pursue a topic further or not when I am asked. But I do enjoy the discussions. Thank you.

Ah, your post changed when I was replying to it. I didn't realize your profile used to say that you were not here for friends at all, as I've only seen your recent profile (the comment about the last pervert makes you sound a little bitter... just an observation). Stating that you're just here for the forums does make it seem like you're here for friends. If you really do assume that anyone who emails you more than a few times is interested in more, you may want to be clear about that on your profile.

I really was not looking for profile advice. have a great day gotta go

That is why I like courting better. I know it is antiquated but it has some real merits. There are pros and cons to it. Firstly, there is the shotgun wedding. Now that part I would have problems with. I mean what if they missed and shot the wrong person. Or even maimed one. It would take out the for better or worse though if you think about it depending if happened before the wedding. Maybe, if everybody had a chance to have a weapon but then the gun laws have changed since the early days. I mean it probably sped up things. "Does anybody object to this wedding?" (Gunshot sound) Well, I guess they objected. Yup. The ole South isn't like it used to be. But then the child weddings were good to get rid of. The age of consent used to be negotiable depending if you were male or not and the preacher's opinion of what constituted the definition of 'consent'. And, of course, if he had a shotgun aimed at him. Trouble is for some once you have had sex with someone you are committed. Which poses the question, "Just what is commitment?" Is it the 'intent' to form a relationship under the terms of a social contract drawn up by the vows of those in the relationship or is more like what happened at the Magna Carter where the King had to give up some of his power? Strangely, enough that only happened with the King. I wonder if that affected the Queen, too. I assumed it did. It would seem that friendship-based relationships would be the best contingent if both in a relationship or more (Don't want to leave the in-laws out or the bill collectors.) could remain friends.

why not just a one night stand then, sounds like what your looking for.

A one night stand would be one night, yes? That doesn't seem to be what the OP is talking about.

that works for me too. I seem to become disinterested in 3or 4 months....well I did back when I was having relationships

Over the years, I have come to the opinion that they only way to break the cycle of short relationships is to begin trying to work past problems.

First, it causes you to realize that you may be at fault, even if you don't know it.

Second, it allows you to enhance your communication skills within a relationship.

Third, it makes you more aware of your partner's response and how to interpret it. You basically learn about your partner on different level than previously existed within the relationship.

Fourth, if the problems cannot be resolved for whatever reason, you come away with knowledge of what to avoid in your next relationship. It fine-tunes what you expect from a partner and a relationship.

If you never push your boundaries, neither you nor your relationship will continue to grow. The more you push those boundaries, the more likely you are to find someone that "sticks".

At least, that's my opinion from my own experience, and from what I've observed about others.

A bit of possessiveness can be a sign of love and devotion,there does come a time though when that can lead to bossiness which is pure controlling. If two adults are in a relationship, then they should both be acting like adults.

I definitely have expectations in a relationship and so does my partner, if we didnt, we wouldnt be respecting ourselves..finding the right match with the similar expectations is the key to having a successful relationship, and of course that would require honesty to yourself and to your partner.

I couldn't have said it better, and this is what I was referring to as adult problem solving, and if you are with someone where there is any doubt that he/she is willing to sit down and solve issues (versus running to the next bed on the list) then that partner is not relationship material - for anyone (so don;t feel bad)

as far as things sometimes being your fault - mostly problems between 2 people involve them both - I've seen things one sided but not that often. so I agree that going into resolution with the mindset that both have issues or behaviors to own is a good start

nice post action

sorry I did not see this - no actually it used to say looking to start as friends which is a little different than simply , friends, I think, and I purposely worded it that way so that anyone who contacted me was clear on the notion that I was expecting things to "evolve"

it was my idea of trying to word things to leave the door open for a friendship evolving into more while at the same time making it fairly clear that I was not really looking for platonic or casual

mostly it worked - except for those few who just really don;t pay attention anyway

yes I think we're basically in agreement - any attribute like possessiveness has limits and when a person becomes controlling it leaves love behind. I think in a good relationship where the people love each other there should be more of a sense of peace & freedom than of being controlled or wanting to control


...so simone....how tall is he?

I think that would be difficult because we never know what feelings will or wont develop over three months. I think its best to be honest with ourself and feel what we feel while we feel it,, without forcing it.

I also think agreeing to become friends in the first place without the 'pressure' for romance, solves all those complications which arise otherwise,

That's so funny!!!! Ikr!!!

I did that earlier this summer and I am fine with it. I told myself that I wanted to have fun over the summer and that was my goal. I was with someone significantly younger than me. We had lots of great times going out and about and always agreed from the beginning that we would remain friends. It lasted two months and I don't think either of us regrets it.

I am done having children and he hasn't even thought about a family yet-so long term could never have been in the picture. This was easier than thinking I had something that was going to last with someone. I would consider doing it again if I wanted something temporary for the frame of mind I was in and the immediate goal I had for myself.

he's 6'3...and very handsome and kind.