Sweetestgrl, you keep mentioning if both people are mature, one thing I want to point out is maturity does not mean necessarily age. I've known many in their 40's and above that are NOT mature, and then I've known many in their 20's and 30's that are very mature. I am a 43 year old woman and I've found that the older i've gotten the more comfortable in my own skin i've become, meaning with knowing what I want, being ok with being alone you know, not stressing out if I don't have a guy next to me at night, but you also bring withit a lot of simple life experiences such as knowing what screwups not to repeat in a new relationship, or looking for things that are a warning sign before you decide to continue seeing that person and sticking with your gut on that, and that can only come with life experience. You know, it's often the things you found funny or cute when you first started dating that usually end up being the things that irritate you the most later on.

IMO emotional intimacy is significaly important in a relationship and should be in place before the physical.That's the whole ethos of a 'courtship'-getting to know one another and being able to discuss anything and everything together.

If a physical intimacy occurs before the emotional one then it can complicate things-differing emotions are in play.

True. . . and physical first can also throw out a potentially great suiter...There are situations where lets say if you and your partner are in harmony so will be your bodies..

great idea.spending 3months with some one is more than enough time to know if you can be happily maried.

I relate!

What does "lkr" stand for?

Laughing my Knickers Red?

Been there...experienced it...it completely sux....and so F***ing hurtful....so I'd rather be in whatever kind of relationship with "mr.Whisky" or "ms.brandy"....ohhh yeahhhh...or maybe "mdm.vodka"...almost forgot..."cptn.Rum" yep..yep..yep...life's NOT so bad everytime they around...uh..huh..

If someone starts getting, bossy, critical, or possessive, there is no time limit.

I just say "times up good bye".

Just to point out the obvious...

90% of the people here got no damned idea what a "one night stand" is actually about....though they seem to think they should be offended at the thought.

People put too many limitations on what is "Acceptable"...without giving any creedence to the concepts they haven't thought of.

If either of you are "bored" or "lose interest"....then you are talking about a failed relationship that NEVER had a shot.

No offense Jeannie...you got a list of strictures that is almost as long as Ms. Harmony's.

I ain't looking to bag you so.... I can be honest like someone who has known you for years with no ulterior motive or end goals.

You are so focused on what you want, you give no consideration to the things that life can offer beyond what you think you require.

Same is true of most chicks on this site.

If you gals/guys would just let go of the fears of the past....you could have a fair shot at the happiness you hope for.

But, my money says...95% of you kids are too afraid of the past to actually let go of your fears and just give a free love. Cause failure is comforting when it is the norm.

Not saying this to be a beligerant prick. I am saying this cause I got nothing to gain, I think of you dumbasses as my friends and I want you to be happily in love. Eventually, you people gotta figure out that you are your own worst enemy. I am just the guy saying outloud what no one else has the nuts to say.

I will still love all of you turds tommorrow. But, I will still think of you all exactly in this way.

Well spoke Krup.

I'd put my money with your money.

Too bad I don't gamble Mo...cause we would retire.

Well said krupa!!!

To recap some responses....


Hotitalian01953 – thinks what I really want is a one night stand. That is not what this post is about.

Sweetestgirl11 – thinks the 3 month relationship idea is immature or for immature people. I have to disagree with that because while I still nurture my inner child, immature I am not.

Actionlynx – sees temporary relationships as some kind of problem that needs to be solved having the assumption that long term relationships are the desired and acceptable thing for most people.

Simonedemidova – thinks that “A bit of possessiveness can be a sign of love and devotion.” No, its just possessiveness.

Msharmony and klc – both mentioned something about “agreeing to be friends.” That idea always seems to come from women rather than men. I don’t think I hear that idea coming from men as much in a sincere way. I have heard them agree to such things but usually it is only to prolong the chances of it becoming intimate.

Pkd1220 –tried it and liked it and had fun for the summer. That’s what I am talking about.

Niceladyrealy –thinks it’s a good idea – but she is assuming the three months is enough time to see if you want to get married to the person, permanently – which misses the whole point of the temporary relationship idea and falls back to the “I’m looking for a long term relationship.”

Krupa – thinks I’m too focused on what I want. (I don’t know how he came up with that conclusion or what might be wrong with that, but I wish I was more focused on what I want, – then I would probably have everything I want as I always seem to get what I focus on. He also seems to imply that I live in the past and I live in fear like 95% of the population. Not true Krupa, I do learn from the past but I don’t live there. Also, don’t assume I am unhappy. I am not.

For other people who make assumptions about me:

I am 62 years old and I am happy with my life as it is. I am not looking for the love of my life to “make me happy” or to spend the rest of my life with. I am already happy. I can’t say that I am looking for a long term relationship either. As for one night stands, these days one night stands can be risky propositions if you know nothing about the person you are with. I certainly have nothing against a roll in the hay with a friend with no strings or one night stands as long as you are cautious.

Since I am 99% sure I do not want to get married again, it does not seem fair for me to date a man who is looking or hoping for a long term relationship.

The reason for the post was just to get some opinions on the idea of temporary (no-commitment) relationships between friend/lover acquaintances. I just wanted some of your ideas.

Thanks for all your responses.

whatever makes you happy... if you know you dont want the long term, make it clear to the other person. I justed wasted over 2 years of my life with someone thinking we were going to get married and everything... we were looking at rings and talking about getting a house... then suddenly he tells me that's not what he wants... just be honest about it if thats all you want it to be...

I dont want a time limit on something... if i date something and it doesnt feel right, then i dont date them anymore.

But I DO want to find "the one"... i date to have fun, yes... but that is my ultimate goal... so i'm not SEARCHING for temporary relationships... my heart is too vulnerable to do that... i fall to hard to fast...

If I were 22 like you, I would probably feel the same way. I know it takes a lot of time for two people to really get to know each other and to be able to adjust and live together. I'm not saying that I'm "old" but I've seen people take 10 to 20 years of being unhappy to finally learn to accept each other and live together comfortable. Hey, I figure I don't have that kinda time.

Life is short. No time to be unhappy and I don't want to waste any of it fighting with my partner. (Unless that's what makes you happy.)But lets enjoy what is left.

Actually, my point was that if you ultimately want a long-term relationship, then having a string of short-term relationships can indicate problems which need to be addressed first.

If you don't want a long-term relationship, then be up front about it. Also be prepared for when your short-term partner decides s/he wants more.

I believe that most people desire stability. That means having a string of short-term relationships may prove increasingly problematic. Some people only need a sense of stability to get over a certain problem, and then they move on. Hence, the "rebound" after a break-up. Others refuse to get married even though they are in a long-term relationship because they believe marriage to be a de-stabilizing influence. Ultimately, so long as a person desires stability, they also tend to want a long-term relationship whether marriage enters into the picture or not.

From people I've known, those who stick with nothing but short-term relationships do it because they find long-term commitments stale and boring. They tend to like mixing things up to maintain their level of interest. I just don't think most people like that though. Therefore, it's bound to lead to a lot of bad feelings and broken hearts along the way. In essence, if you want nothing but short-term relationships, you really just want a friend-with-benefits....unless you have a stone heart, and don't mind hurting the feelings of others because you simply "used" them. If there's a way to avoid that, and both people are satisfied by the result, then more power to them.

Yes I realize that is what you meant. The post was, (I thought it was clear, maybe not.) about a person who does not want a long term relationship.

The temporary nature of the relationship would have to be A MUTUAL AGREEMENT so feelings would not be hurt.

Depending on what you mean by "long term" I have had two long term relationships. One was five years (not very long term) and the other was 16 years. (Longer than most..)

I thought we were weighing the pros and cons of the short-term relationship.

Ah well.

And yes, both people have to be in agreement.

Like I said, people will often change their minds afterward. So that has to be an acceptable risk.

In this day and age, I've gotten the impression that most people consider anything that lasts longer than a year to be "long-term". It's not how I would define it, but for a while now, it has seemed as if I am in the minority.

I would call anything longer than 10 to be "long term" but most people like "until death do we part."

Quite truthfully, I entered into mine knowing it wasn't going to last even though we did have feelings for each other. Don't assume I am looking for a bunch of short term relationships. I was open to finding the one for me, but it wasn't happening. I saw no reason not to spend time with someone that was funny and energetic and sexy. I wanted to enjoy my summer.

He knew that and he always told me I would find someone soon. It still hasn't happened, but I do put myself out there hoping for an eventual long term relationship. I am still friends and do things with the guy I had the short term relationship with. If you go into it knowing it really can't work out: ie. I'm done having kids and he would want to start a family eventually-there's no way for either of you to be surprised.

It takes two people being honest with and wanting the best for each other to work. If you trick yourself into wanting more-you really have no one to blame but yourself. Some people can have a profound impact on your life and are never meant to be permanent. I choose to be greatful for whatever happiness comes my way regardless of time frame.