I recently broke up with my boyfriend. We dated for 2 years.

I realized that when you date someone for that long, you become so close to them that you need to "redefine" yourself again outside of the relationship.

You ask yourself questions such as:

"Who am I without this person?"

and

"What do I truly enjoy doing on my own, outside the influence of this person?"

I'm rediscovering myself and my own confidence since I've been out of this particular relationship.

I'm curious: How have you rediscovered yourself after a breakup? What have you done to become more confident in who you are?

I connect with as many people and animals as possible. Working with my dogs and horses gives me confidence as well as mentoring the younger students in our program (basically, use whatever you have learned to help others). Go do the things you always wanted to & didn't get to for some reason. I go do things by myself and meet new people. Mingle in the forums to get different perspectives about things and make some new friends!

I have very recently gone out of a relationship and yes rediscovering myself after this is a must for me to be able to move on. Though the pain is still there, I do not intend to keep it long so I went out of the world again. For me, it helps finding out that I can still be of interest to other people.

Thanks for the thoughts! Speaking of animals... I went to the pet store the other day... nothing like puppy kisses to cheer you up!

Yep for sure, but it took me 5 years and a man who loved me to give me the confidence I needed to be myself, again

I eventually realized that it was dangerous and short-sighted to ever define myself in any terms that regarded me as an adjunct to any other person. The self-essence that makes me who I am must remain inviolate regardless of who is or is not a part of my life.

And, to be honest, this awareness has caused a lot of problems. Because (almost) everyone I've been involved with has made a concerted effort to change me into something I can never allow myself to become. I've come to understand that having a definitive sense of self is something that alienates those who wish to impose their own beliefs and expectations on others....

this song helps...lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06WM8oLH87M

started going to collage and getting a degree in medical administration
unfortunately i still have way to much time to think

I've been through this a few times... I've found that surrounding yourself with your true friends helps, though it sucks if those people are mutual with you and your ex. Exercise is a cure-all. You not only get to put out all that energy and focuse on something other than the break-up, but you also do something to better yourself.

Time, it's the only real cure, especially after long relationships. Hope it goes well for you...

Lex- Deep thoughts! You make a fabulous point about not defining yourself in terms of others. I agree. Also, relationships require a healthy a sense of sacrifice. The difficult part seems to be in finding that balance without compromising who you are.

Also, you sound like someone who is capable of thinking too much. I can be the same way! Don't let anyone change you. That's my advice :o)

YES! You go girl! Don't you LOVE pick me up songs!?!?

Yes. I've actually started exercising recently as well. It gets out all of that negative energy! Also, isn't there some sick side of us that thinks, "I hope he/she sees a picture of me a month from now and regrets letting me go!!!" :o)

Time... time ... time... but I want to be better now! :)

2 months have passed and I'm feeling quite a bit better, honestly. There are still moments, but they'll pass :) They're becoming fewer and farther between.

Thanks for the encouragement!!!

There is a tendency for people to want to think in terms of an "us" which is greater than the sum of its parts, at least thematically.

What I have found -- time after time after time -- is that, inevitably, one part of "us" is actively working against the "me," ultimately negating the entire reason for building the "us" in the first place.



I do tend to overanalyze things, but I studied psychology for 7 years, so there's a more or less natural inclination to take these things apart and examine them as thoroughly as possible.

As for being changed -- I've resigned myself to the idea that I will spend the rest of my life alone because there is no one who will accept me as I am. Sucks, but I'd rather be alone than be with yet another wrong person whose goal in life is to change me into a domesticated farm animal.

Totally agree with this statement, as I have been there once or twice in my life :)

Which led me to taking it a step further

Why do I find myself attracted to those who wish to change me?

Perhaps, its my need to prove I can not be changed?

I call it the "renegade".

As far as being an "I" after being in a "we", being true to onself, and listening to the "Core" has meant the end of every relationship so far.

I have never really thought of myself as being attracted to those who wish to change me.

In my experience, everyone starts out telling me they DON'T want to change me -- "I love everything about you!"

And, in the past, I have been far too willing to take this at face value and run with it.

Unfortunately, it never turns out to be true.

Because, three months later, the domestication agenda kicks in, and now they want me to do a complete 180 and become a cardboard cutout of Ward Cleaver circa 1958.

It isn't so much about proving oneself as it is about being oneself.

Understood Lex

However, again, this is only me, I have learned to recognize the warning signs of the subtlety in the change.

Is it too much to want someone who recognizes the value of wanting the other 100%?

Seems pretty simple to me. And very unselfish. Acceptance

Dignaty and respect.

Without that, I'd actually RATHER be an I

I'm getting too old to keep figuring out who I am after the demise of yet another "relationship"

Seems hard to find others that are both independent and not afraid of commitment! I read a lot of profiles and the huge majority of them are people looking for their perfect match to cling to or they are still ticked off about their last failed relationship and waiting to take that out on someone new!

Just enjoy being single :) That's all we can do and know ourselves well enough to choose better partners when the time comes!

I'm at the point where I just automatically assume that anyone who expresses interest is only doing so in preparation for trying to change me. That may sound a little cynical, but if 94 consecutive sharks bite you when you try to pet them, you learn not to try to pet them anymore.

hmmmmmmm,,interesting analogy,,,,shark bites

Dunno, can't wrap my head around EVERYONE I still "believe", that if I put myself "out there" perhaps one will find their way.

The key for me now, is to know the signs, and not waste my time

I'd rather be fishing or blowing glass. Part of what "defines" my I.

And stay away from the shark tank Lex. Pretty simple. Perhaps you need to find a kinder/gentler fish?

It sure beats going through it all again! I assume that all men named Michael are crazed, drug/alchy addicts with manipulative mothers...I know it isn't right to stereotype, but I will not be getting myself into any more relationships with men by this name!!! I have been bit every time thus far & I'm generally a pretty quick study at things...LOL!