I'd settle for someone who could resist the standard indoctrination mindset that the only important things in life are booze and babies....it seems biology and self-destructiveness outweigh anything/everything else....!

((((((((Firefly))))))))), mine seems to be "Bill"

Booze, babies and you wonder why they want to "change" you?

Perhpas the way we loose our "I's" in a relationship, is in the desire to make the other happy?

And then there are the ones who would happily give their I's up to find someone who "agrees" with them, and gives them everything they want? Then the other, once they come to their senses, feel like they were being changed?

YIKES

Sometimes we loose the I, without really knowing it. Thus I beleive the topic of this thread.

Relationships are work. No if's, and or butt's about it. You got to WORK at being true to you, because without that, you can't be true to another.

Exactly. They try to make me feel bad, make me believe I'm wrong, because my priorities are not the same as theirs.

Apparently, you're not allowed to have your own thoughts if those thoughts don't fit nicely and neatly into the established norm....

But, as Frank Zappa said, "Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible."

A lot of people seem to think of "progress" as a dirty word.

Lex, for sure, it is your HUGE left hand..

Well, that ain't YOU, that's clearly THEM. Because they choose to loose THEIR I's in the details of their life.

Thus, they are NOT gonna be into you. It's easier for them, if you conform and "change"

Frank Zappa also said:

"I'm sure that love will never be a product of plasticity.”

Don't give up

Stay true to self

Good for squashing bugs, though....

Well, this is where I'm lost. If they're not into me, why do they pretend they are? This makes no sense to me. They act like I'm exactly what they're looking for; then, once things get a little bit established and stable, they decide I need to be somebody else.

The thing that puzzles me is why wouldn't they look for someone who meets their initial requirements in the first place, instead of finding someone who doesn't and then lying to that person just so they can weasel their way in and try to change them later?

I mean, I try to be very clear about what I'm looking for -- and what I'm NOT looking for. There's no misdirection involved here. And I catch a lot of flak for it, but to me, it only makes sense to be up front and straightforward about it. I don't want to waste anybody's time, and I certainly don't want them wasting mine.



I have no choice but to carry on in my cynicism and skepticability. Now that I am a World-Renowned Famous Author©, people expect so much more from me.

It is Hard getting started again. Chatting with old girlfriends on facebook and the phone is fuN but can take you in to Dangerous territory. I like the comfort of it but want to meet someone new. Any suggestIons on how to break aWay and starT something new that may have the chance of something meaningful? Please respond.....

~smile~ In my "oh so innocent and sweet way"

You are STILL a mere mortal like the rest of us.

"I handle fame by not being famous. I'm not famous to me."
Bob Marley

Perhaps the pretense is a result of your "fame"? A "success" makes for a GREAT baby daddy

And while we would like to think our mere mortal pals are just as innocent and truthful as we, alas, that is not always the case.

You are a challenge Lex. Makes you attractive. To the point, some woman are willing to "talk themselves" into fitting the "mold" they believe you created with your upfront and honest.

None of this works on you. For as well as "famous" your also a smart boy

which leads to on topic

Many loose themselves in the other, because they aren't honest with themselves. And when the inevitable breakup happens, they feel like they lost a part of themselves.

Cure?

Discover who you are, so the NEXT relationship "fits"

Well, I was being facetious. On the Ladder of Fame, I'm only two rungs below the lady whose grandmother cleaned Liberace's windows back in the 1970s.

Don't get me wrong, it's nice to be acknowledged for having a certain talent, and knowing that people are interested in something I created, but I'm a long way from being "famous," as I understand the term.



I don't think so, because the pretense was there years and years before I ever thought about writing a book. Even in my earliest relationships, there always seemed to be an element of "I MUST CHANGE HIM NOW!"

I do think about the potential problems if I ever did get to something like Douglas Adams-level notoriety, and I don't think it would really "help" me much, insofar as (legitimate) dating prospects are concerned. So I'd probably downplay that sort of thing as much as possible.



They seem to consider me a "challenge" until they realize that it isn't going to work out. Then I'm just "intimidating" and "complicated," or -- if I'm lucky -- an "Arrogant Narcissistic Conceited Jerk."



If I was really that smart, it wouldn't have taken me this long to figure it out!



Well, that's really the bottom line, isn't it? Who are we, as individuals....?

I've always wondered, for example, when I see someone using a screen name that references another person, like "Tommysmommy" or "Jeffreysgirl" -- it's almost as if this person has no existence without the other person. What did they do before Tommy and Jeffrey were around? Were they in a catatonic state, just waiting to be activated?

I guess I just can't see myself in a "we" which would necessitate the complete subjugation of the "I." I'm looking for a relationship, not a lobotomy.

Yes, it is pretty simple

Someone who compliments, not completes

Don't beat yourself up too bad. All you really did was set your standards.

Noteriety notwithstanding

In other words, what you want in a relationship has always been in your core.

Your very lucky to know and recognize it

Some of us don't have a freakin CLUE

And find ourselves "discovering" over and over again

I think so -- to some extent, albeit a bit more nebulous in the beginning....

I just never thought, back then, that it would be so difficult to find -- to the point where I'm just about convinced it doesn't exist....

I agree with you NellySue, you do have to find yourself again after a long relationship. You tend to figure out sometimes things that you didn't do or just went with because of your now former signifigant other.

I got thru my last relationship suprisingly easy because I realized I did nothing wrong in that relationship. If anything I had went above and beyond for her, I treated her like gold, only for her to cheat. I had nothing to feel bad about, so moving on from it was really easy for me.

A bit like dropping a nuke on a
bobbing buoy in the bay.
From the bug's standpoint.

i have just came out of a relationship after 20 years and i can honestly say that i dont know whare my head is at the moment as my 5 year old son is 400 miles away and i cant get to see him as im that far away and im just so distraught i try and keep it togeather but it is not always easy.me and his mum parted on good talking terms so i suppose thats something and i know he is in good hands but it is just destroying me and my family have been so fantastic i dont know what i would have done without them but when you need someone to talk to and you are living on your own and there is no one around to listen too that is the painful part.
being free and single has its perks but when you have got someone next to you that loves,wants,and cares for you then nothing in the world will beat that.
the problem is i dont have that and i wished i did.

I'll watch out for those too then

Never been attracted to any Bills though.I have found some old friends I hadn't seen in ages after my break up last year! It's hard staying true to yourself when emotions get involved.

I have learned that my heart is stupid & that's okay

My head is a magic...or is it tragic?...mess & the worst one of them all...

My gut has never let me down so I let it drive now :)

I've got that happy disease too. LOL

After a divorce...

WOW I suddenly realized I didn't have any faults.

The downside was that I didn't have anyone to make my decisions for me. LOL

Well, that's always been my hope, too, but I never seem to run into anyone who sees it that way. They're always looking for a guy who has an on/off switch on his brain, and they want it to be permanently switched off....!

And you're right, I don't want those people in my life. The downside is there don't seem to be any other kinds....!