Hi, just needing some advice on what the right things to ask or say when you first meet someone (dating site, facebook, whatever) and what the wrong things are. I've got the "Hello" and then the "How are you" but that's not really that difficult. Basically things a guy should ask a girl before the first date or to even get to that point. Just the things they expect you to ask. So all opinions welcome but would really like to hear something from a woman's perspective. Anyways HELP! and have at it.

If you're starting a conversation with someone you've met online, definitely write more than hello or how are you. Read their profile. Comment on something that has caught your interest. Many will just ignore the emails that only say hi. Put a little thought into your email.

for me I always like to find out about people, so aq hi i am whoever I really liked your profile, how has your day been so far..
I liked things like that, and then for people to be interested in what i was doing and letting me know things about them.
If I was going to meet someone i would want to know them first.

When I finally met anacondaarms, I felt like I knew him

Good advice so far.

Suppose it is also worth considering whether you think you could either be a better conversationalist, or if you just need to work on your confidence. Both can affect the other.

I don't know you, so my advice is hopefully relevant.

Well, try to find a common ground with the person you intend to talk to. Check their profiles or info pages before you send an email. That way, you can start a conversation with a subject you know and the other person is interested in too. Talking about a familiar subject also gives you more confidence since it is still in the area of your comfort zone. If there is no indication in their pages of a subject you're familiar with, choose something specific stated there and write to them about it. :)

that doesn't work. i asked a girl what she thought about humans descending from apes and she ended up with a gorilla

She probably got curious about your theories.

When starting a conversation, what you really want is to form a connection. The best way I've found to do this is to keep it light and fun.

Try to come up with something that plays to your strong areas. If you're into comics, tell her you're interviewing for a super villain, side kick position and would like to know if she'd be interested.

Plot a bank robbery, come up with a plan for world domination, whatever.

Most women won't be into what you come up with and that's ok. You're looking for the ones that are into it because those are the ones you'll click with.

So, make it unique to who you are.

just be yourself, and reasonably polite, also friendly. the first messages shouldn't be too long - most won't read them or they 'll delete u thinking ur a cut & paster.

Don't worry too much about what to say-you have to be yourself and be accepted that way anyway

ask a couple of simple questions - or expand on something from the forums

Hmmmmm
I wouldn't mention their looks for a while.
Obviously they attracted you, no need to get
all inventive before you need to.

See, if you follow what they have said since
joining mingle (by clicking on 'Posts: 23456'
beneath anyones picture) you can learn a LOT
about them, giving you plenty of chit-chat
fodder.

I like when guys really dont look at my profile...other than my pics, give me compliments on my looks if interested. then see what their interests are...a lot of people put so much on their profile and i think it puts a limit on conversations. For that reason i leave my profile kind of vague. If a guy wants to get to know me, he will ask ??? But sometimes a lot of things are on the profile leave little room for conversations because then they might say something like-didn't you read my profile???

Be honest, and dont sway your interests to match hers...asking about music and hobbies is usually a nice start...good luck

I prefer someone actually read my profile first. Otherwise, I get the same questions over and over and over and I get tired of answering them. It's the guys who start out a conversation in an interesting or different way, rather than "Hi, what do you like to do for fun?" that are more likely to catch my interest.

give an example though, I think that is the OP ??? what do you want them to ask??

I've already told the OP what I think. It's the same way I go about contacting someone new. I read profiles. If there's nothing in the profile, or it's very vague, I'm going to pass it by. For me, there has to be something more than a picture. Now, if there is something in their profile that catches my eye, I will email them and start a conversation/comment on what caught my interest.

Here is what I say. Be yourself. Speak from the heart, and you'll never go wrong. Don't try to be someone you're not, and if someone doesn't like who you are, then, all the better for you, as you weed out those people who do not like you for you.

Everyone has things about them that are desirable to others (Shiki has many), and everyone has things about them that are undesirable to others (Shiki has a few).

Just be true to yourself, and let who you are come out. Guys will be interested in that.

Thanks for all the advice everyone. It's been really helpful

I guess everyone is a little different, some people just say "hi" and that is enough to start the conversation (maybe they only write that to see if the profile is still active). Others might write a book. To the wrong person both options might be ignored, the one for being too short and the other for being too long...lol. I guess it all depends on the mood of the person receiving the message...

I dont waste my time reading through lengthy profiles honestly. I have browsed through a few profiles here and there. some people have a million poems and their favorite song lyrics and so much information...It almost comes a cross a little desperate, like a sales pitch...I am not really familiar with online dating though, so maybe that is how people roll around here.

Why would having more in a profile come across as desperate? While I do get that some people don't like to write much in their profile, isn't the point of it to give people an idea of what you're like?

I can tell you what not to say, or ask. Definitely do not ask her about anal sex. You won't ask for the check. She will sucker punch your balls.